Make it a baker's dozen!

13 in a row. The 2nd longest win streak in team history for the Blazers(they had a 16 game streak in 1990-1991 when they went on to lose in the conference finals). A monster fourth quarter, led once again by Travis Outlaw, propelled Portland to their largest win of the season as they beat Philadelphia 97-72 after trailing 45-36 at the half. In what is becoming a regular occurrence, Outlaw didn't do much for three quarters of the game, but came out hot in the 4th, putting up 10 of his 12 points and getting a couple blocks on the other side of the court. 2 of his points came on a ginormous dunk over Rodney Carney as he led the Blazers on a 21-0 run to open the 4th quarter. The Blazers went on to outscore the 76ers 35-9 in the 4th quarter, and even rookie Josh McRoberts got in the game and scored a couple baskets for his first points of the year.

Although the win put them in a tie with the Nuggets for the division lead, the Blazers don't have long to enjoy it, they travel to Utah tonight for division matchup in the first of 3 road games. Utah should be the toughest of the 3, but if the Blazers legs hold up in the 2nd half on the short rest, they should win and will then go visit underachieving teams in Minnesota and Chicago.

The city of Portland is definitely enjoying the win streak, the Rose Garden has already had more sellout crowds this year than they did all of last year, and have had 4 straight games of more than 20,400 people(there are only 19,980 seats).

16-0: Congrats Patriots

Thats all folks. The regular season is a wrap, and for the first time in NFL history, a team has finished 16-0. Big props to the Patriots for the historical feat, and as for the New England fans: fuck off and die. It'll also be interesting to see if Belichick manages the Coach of the Year award, considering it wasn't long ago that most people were ready to string him up for the SpyGate incident and wanted his Super Bowls asteriskicized.

The playoffs are set now, with 4 wild card matchups this weekend. Redskins at Seahawks, Jags at Steelers, Giants at Bucs, and Titans at Chargers. Green Bay and Dallas got the two NFC byes, and New England and Indy get off weeks for the AFC. I'll get into these more later in the week.

After a 7-8-1 week(2-2 in the money though) I finish the regular season with a 119-126-13 record. Unfortunately, I only managed a 30-38 record on the games I put money on(actually worse, since I had a few unpublished bets that didn't work out so well either). But that's alright, cause this the playoffs are where the real money is made. I also got paid on all of my futures bets with the Bills, Titans, and Steelers all hitting the over on number of wins for the season.

On Wednesday or Thursday, I'm going to revisit my pre-season predictions to see how far off I was. It could be ugly, especially since my NFC champ didn't even bother to make the playoffs.

Week 17: Looking ahead to the playoffs

This week is pretty much a crapshoot. With only 5 games being played that have any playoff implications(7 if you count the Chargers and Steelers games as the 3/4 seeds still have not been determined), there will be alot of backups playing in the second halves of games. After I shit the bed again last week, it's going to take a miracle for me to get above .500 for the regular season and since there's no way I'm betting on 8 games this week, I am destined to finish below .500 on the money picks.

There's really no avoiding it now. In just a few days, the New fucking England Patriots are going to be 16-0. Goddammit, why does it have to be the Patriots? The sad part is that Eli and the Giants are probably going to come out and try and win this one, making it all the more embarrassing when they lose. That being said...

GIANTS +14 over Patriots: Only because its the right thing to do
Bengals -3 over DOLPHINS: Really? I'm supposed to spend more than 1.3 seconds even considering this game?
Bills +8 over EAGLES
BUCS -3 over Panthers
Jags -6 over TEXANS: Is this line right? I know the Jags are probably resting people, but come on
BEARS +2 over Saints: One of the few games with playoff implications. Saints need a win, a Vikings loss, and a Redskins loss. Maybe next year Saints.
BROWNS -10 over 49ers: Browns need a win and help after letting the Bengals beat them last week. They'll do their part.
Vikings -3 over BRONCOS: Vikings need a win and help to get in the party
Steelers -3 over RAVENS: No Ben, no Troy, no Silverback, no Fast Willie. I'll still give Chaz Batch 3 points against the Ravens in this rivalry matchup. The Steelers are 5-0 in division matchups so far and looking for a sweep.
Rams +6 over CARDINALS
Chargers -8 over RAIDERS: If the Chargers lose and the Steelers win, the Steelers will get the #3 seed and a much better playoff road. I hope I'm wrong on this one.
JETS -6 over Chiefs

Season: 112-118-12

Money Picks*

Betting on any of these games is seriously idiotic, but luckily for us, I'm an idiot. Plus we need to build up the bankroll for the playoff run.

Seahawks -1.5 over FALCONS: Did I miss the news that Seattle is starting Charlie Frye or something?
PACKERS -4.5 over Lions
Cowboys +9 over REDSKINS: Do you really think the Cowboys aren't going to try and spoil the Redskins playoff chances?
COLTS +6 over Titans: I think Vegas is over estimating the effect of resting a few starters for the higher seeded teams

Season: 28-36

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Bye Bye Kevin, the streak is eleven

Fuck man, if the Blazers stretch this thing to 12 games on Friday I'm gonna have a helluva time trying to come up with something to rhyme with 'twelve'. Portland took care of another division team as they beat Kevin Durant and the Sonics 89-79 on Christmas Day. Their 11 game streak is the longest in the NBA this year and Portlands longest win streak since they won 12 back in 2001-2002. It also ties the NBA record for the longest win streak by a team that lost 50 games the previous season. The Blazers won despite shooting less than 40% from the field, and the starters all struggled. Even Roy, who finished with a team-high 17 points only made 7 of his 23 shots, but his 11 points in the 3rd opened up the game for the Blazers. The Blazer bench once again stepped up big, outscoring the starters 48-41, led by Jarrett Jack who also had 17 points.

The Blazers remain just a half-game back of the Nuggets with two games left on their current home stand. Their next 5 games come against the Timberwolves(4-22), the 76ers(11-16), at the Jazz(15-14), at the Timberwolves, and then they finish the road trip at Chicago(9-16). Obviously the Jazz look to be the biggest challenge of those games, but the Blazers have won 2 in a row against the Jazz already during this win streak.

I know hindsight is 20/20 and everything looks great now, but lets look back at the draft real quick. If the Blazers had taken Durant(which I argued vehemently for) instead of Oden are they playing anywhere near the level they are right now. That might sound crazy since the guy they drafted instead(Oden) is sitting on the bench all season after knee surgery, but if they take Durant, they probably don't make the Zach Randolph trade, and this becomes a completely different team.

Half-ass Xmas Eve Weekend Recap

• Mike McCarthy told Jon Ryan not to punt to Devin Hester. Apparently the Packers interpreted that as "just let the Bears block the punts"
• Browns get back to their roots and lose big game. Steelers benefit with their first division title since 2004.
• Eli tries to lose in honor of Kevin Everett who was in attendance in Buffalo Sunday. Dickhead running backs and defense win it for the Giants anyway.
• TV ads would lead you to believe the best gifts for men are electric razors. Bullshit, we don't like shaving. Razors are a present for you, not us. If you buy your man a razor for Xmas, you can't get mad when he buys you a vacuum or power drill for your anniversary.
• 0-4 so far on my week 16 money picks. Christmas morning is gonna kinda suck, because I've already pawned all the gifts under the tree to buy my Christmas booze.
• In honor of the real Jesus' birthday, Purple Jesus takes day off, Vikings lose.
• I think we can all agree that Sexy Santa cheerleaders are awesome. Can we make this a year round fashion trend?
  

Oh F*%k!!

Steelers 41, Rams 24

Fast Willie is out for the season. More on that in a bit. It was a huge night of Steel City showdowns last night. We had the Steelers, Pitt, and the Penguins all playing big games. We'll start with the Steelers. They got the win, which means they now only need a Tennessee loss to clinch a playoff spot, and/or a Cleveland loss to clinch the division. Unfortunately, it came at a huge cost, as Willie Parker, the NFL's leading rusher, went down for the season with a broken leg on the second play of the game. In his stead, Najeh "Dumptruck" Davenport filled in admirably, putting up a Parker-like line of 123 yards on 24 carries and a TD, and also added a receiving TD. The loss of Parker is huge, but I think Davenport will be able to pick up most of the slack. He's no Parker, he lacks the agility, outside speed, and acceleration of Willie, but he's much more of a bruiser and breaks more tackles than Willie. He won't bust out any 60+ yard runs, but he's much better at running inside, and he's not exactly a slouch in the speed department either. With the way the offensive line has been playing(they gave up another 4 sacks last night), it might work out to have a back that can run over a few linebackers(I'm trying to stay positive here). Ben played extremely well, posting a perfect quarterback rating of 158.3(who's fucking idea was it to have a perfect rating be 158.3? You couldn't round that off to a more even number) for the second time this year and the third time in his career. That ties Peyton Manning for the NFL record. The offensive line looked a little better, but still gave up 4 sacks and Ben was under pressure alot. The defense was up and down. They gave up over 300 yards and 24 points to the Rams, but were able to keep Steven Jackson in check most of the time. He did bust one loose for 36 yards, but they still held him to only 85 yards on the day. The Steelers finally managed to get a sack, their first since the December 2 game against the Bengals, and did get some pressure on Bulger and Frerotte. They are still missing way too many tackles though. They have some time off now before traveling to Baltimore for the season finale, and it's safe to say they need to make some major improvements on both lines and in the secondary if they want to make any noise in the playoffs.

#9 Pitt 65, #7 Duke 64, OT

Duke had won 36 straight games in December, but was unable to overcome the loss of Dick Vitale, who is out until February with a vocal cord injury. After Pitt went into halftime down by 12, they came out hot in the second half and Levance Fields eventually hit a three-ball with 4.7 seconds left in overtime to keep Pitt undefeated. Pitt also had a big injury, as senior Mike Cook went down with a serious knee injury in the second half.

Penguins 5, Bruins 4, SO

Another overtime game. The Penguins took an early 4-0 lead, and Sid "the Kid" Crosby broke out of a bit of a slump to get 3 points(2 G, 1 A) in the first period, but the Penguins still needed a shootout to get the win after they gave up 4 unanswered goals to the Bruins. Even though Sidney is arguably the best player in the NHL right now, there is one thing he had never done in his 194 career games: get in a fight. Well he finally got that milestone Thursday night with a Gordie Howe Hat Trick(goal, assist, and fight) when he dropped the gloves and went toe-to-toe with Boston tough guy Andrew Ference and left Ference battered and bleeding.

Blazers Note

Even though it isn't a Steel City team, one quick note on the Blazers game tonight. It won't be for the Division lead since the Nuggets won last night and currently has a 1.5 game lead over the Blazers, but Portland should have the advantage as Denver needed 2 OT's to get their win and now have to travel to the Rose Garden on tired legs to face the Blazers. There will likely be a soldout crowd(including yours truly) as the Portland fans come out to get their Sergio Rodriguez bobblehead and hopefully watch the Blazers stretch their win streak to 10 straight games.

Week 16

So football...I'll be completely honest, I am seriously concerned about tonights game. After the way Fred Taylor and the Jags tore through the Steelers D last Sunday, a healthy Stephen Jackson down in St Louis is a bit worrisome. The secondary is likely going to mixed up again, with Anthony "Guarantee" Smith likely being benched for Tyrone Carter after being beaten 3 times for 50+ yard TD's in the last 2 games. Cornerback Ike Taylor could also be out with a sore knee, and Bryant McFadden would get the start there if Taylor sits. The rest of the defense is pretty beaten up as well. Travis Kirschke, who replaced starting DE Aaron Smith last week got banged up against the Jags, but will likely play tonight. LB Clark Haggans is probably out with a knee, and will probably be replaced by rookie LaMar Woodley making his first career start. The offensive line, which has been remarkably bad all year, gets even worse as LT Marvel Smith will be out with a bad back and replaced by 3rd year lineman Trai Essex.

I said last week that the Jags game was likely a must-win game for Pittsburgh, and they lost. Well this week and next week are definitely must-win games, as Cleveland will likely win out. If the Steelers can win out, they will probably face Jacksonville again in a first round matchup.

The Pro Bowl roster was announced earlier this week, and I am happy to say that slain Redskins safety Sean Taylor was posthumously selected to his 2nd consecutive Pro Bowl. Taylor was the leading vote getter at safety even before his death, and maintained that lead through the end of voting. 5 Steelers were selected, including Ben and LB James Harrison getting their first ever selection. Alan Faneca was named to his 7th, Fast Willie, his 2nd, and Polamalu his 4th. Only Faneca and Harrison were named to the starting roster.

Now we'll get to the picks. After opening my damn mouth about my hot streak last weekend, the Football Gods punished my boasting with a 6-10 finish that will make it much more difficult for me to end the year above .500. We only managed a 2-3 on the money picks, with the Ravens choking against the Dolphins and the inevitable Giants collapse finally showed itself(I told you I was going to regret picking them over the Redskins). Two weeks left, lets finish it right.

Steelers -7.5 over RAMS: Like I said, this is a must win. If the Steelers can't win a must win game over a 3-11 team in December than they don't even deserve to make the playoffs
PANTHERS +11 over Cowboys: The Cowboys have disappointed everytime they've been double digit favorites on the road this year. Now it's time for the Panthers to disappoint me. Cowboys win by 7 or less.
Browns -2.5 over BENGALS: When the Bengals look back on this year, at least they'll be able to say no one got thrown in jail. I guess you gotta start somewhere
COLTS -7 over Texans: The Texans are playing better again, but the Colts are looking to wrap up that #2 seed.
BILLS +3 over Giants: Bills showed they couldn't play well in the snow last week, but Eli in the snow? That could be downright comical.
JAGUARS -13 over Raiders: Fred Taylor should have another great game this week
SAINTS -3 over Eagles: One of the few games with virtually no playoff implications, but the Saints still have a very small outside chance
FALCONS +10.5 over Cardinals: With the Cardinals sliding, this was just too many points for me
PATRIOTS -21.5 over Dolphins: The Patriots seem to have gotten over their need to win by 35 every week, but this one still won't be close
SEAHAWKS no line over Ravens: No line on this one, but Seahawks win by 17.
Chiefs +5 over LIONS: I was going to go with the Lions here, but I've already picked 11 home favorites this week, Plus, who gives a shit about this game,

Season: 105-110-11

Money Picks*

Packers -8.5 over BEARS: The Packers are the best team against the spread this year, and the Bears just lost a game to the Vikings when they were +4 on turnovers.
Bucs -6 over 49ERS: 49ers are getting fewer points this week thanks their win over Cincy last week. I'm not fooled though, Bucs by 14.
CHARGERS -8.5 over Broncos: It looks like someone finally told Norv Turner that Tomlinson is on his team and that he doesn't have to rely on Philip Rivers to try and win games. That is a very good thing for the Chargers
VIKINGS -6.5 over Redskins: The Bucs and Seahawks are both praying the Vikings collapse and they don't have to play the Purple Jesus in the first round of the playoffs. One of them will be seriously disappointed in just a few weeks.
TITANS -8.5 over Jets: The Titans will run up and down the field all day long in this one

Season 27-31

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Nine is Fine!!

We're starting with NBA action again this week. The Blazers just won't quit. Less than three weeks ago, the Blazers lost an ugly game at San Antonio that was their 9th loss in 10 games. The next night Outlaw came up clutch at Memphis for the Blazers first road win of the year and they haven't looked back since. Last nights 101-96 win over Toronto in the Rose Garden was their 9th straight win, and with Boston losing to the Pistons, Portland now owns the longest current win streak in the NBA. And it's not exactly happening against chump teams, of those 9 wins, the last 6 have come over playoff teams from last year, and all those teams are above .500. The Blazers are now just a single game behind the Nuggets for the division lead. After the Nuggets play the Rockets at home Thursday night, they will travel to Portland the very next night for a rematch of last Sunday's loss to Portland in what could decide the current leader in the Northwest division.

Last nights win was a hard fought battle, with both teams shooting better than 50%(actually Toronto shot exactly 50%). Both teams were playing so well, that every player that stepped onto the court for either team ended with at least on assist, and only the Raptors Darrick Martin failed to get any points. Toronto led most of the game(Portland only led for 6:44), but a strong defensive effort in the 4th quarter in which the Blazers held the Raptors to just 6-19 shooting and 13 points, gave Portland the win after trailing by as many as 8 in the second half. Just a day after he had to sit out of practice with the flu, reigning Rookie of the Year Brandon Roy came up with another huge performance, leading all scorers with 25 points to go along with his 9 rebounds and 8 assists. Aldridge, in his first game back after missing the last 5 with plantar faciitis, added 15 points and 7 rebounds. Mr 4th Quarter, Travis Outlaw, struggled again from the field, shooting just 4 of 12, but made several key shots and had some huge defensive stops in the 4th quarter and finished with 11 points and 7 rebounds.

Roy has already won two consecutive Western Conference Player of the Week honors, and if he keeps playing this way he will probably win another and could very well play his way into an All-Star selection. You can vote for Roy and the other All Stars here:

NCAA Football Bracket Bracket

The BCS works out about as well as a one-legged man humping a football, or is it a monkey in an ass-kicking contest, or maybe I'm confused, but the point is the BCS isn't very effective at deciding a definitive national champion. Sure you could do a plus-one system, but what about when there are 6 or 7 teams like this year. Obviously the only reasonable choice is an 8-team playoff...except that now instead of one or two top 5 teams bitching about being left out, now you have 4 or 5 teams bitching and asking for a 12 team playoff with byes. I could go on and on like this forever, and we'd never come up with a system we could all agree on. So Matt Sussman over at Blogcritics did the only reasonable thing left to do: A playoff system to decide on a playoff system. With tournament ideas like the 97 team playoff, the Xbox 360 simulated season, and even the plus shaped field with 4 teams battling it out at once, there is something for everybody. So vote for your favorites and by this time next year there will be no controversy at all surrounding the NCAA football champion.


thanks to Deadspin for the story

Eight is Great!

Despite having played the 5th hardest schedule in the NBA up to this point, the Trailblazers are back above .500 and only 1.5 games out of the division lead after their 8th straight win. Despite a horrendous 42% team shooting percentage, and an even worse 1 for 12 effort by Outlaw, the Blazers beat the Hornets last night in the Rose Garden 88-76. The Blazers shot just 34% in the first half and had trouble containing Tyson Chandler on the boards throughout the game, but good defense allowed them to pull away in the second half. Brandon Roy continued his spectacular play with 24 points, including one catch-and-shoot 3 in the 4th that barely beat the shot clock and put them up by 5. The Blazers will get a chance to extend the streak to 9 games on Wednesday against the Toronto Raptors.

Portland Streaking

Hot damn the Blazers are...well blazing(sorry, I couldn't resist). They picked up their 7th in a row(3rd in a row on the road) last night to move to .500 on the year. The Blazers had lost 9 in a row at Denver, and 15 of the last 17, but the Nuggets were no match for the hottest team in the west right now. The Blazers get to come home now for a 5 game stand, including another one against the Nuggets on Friday. With their other games coming against New Orleans, Toronto, Seattle, and Minnesota, the Blazers will look to continue winning. With the Nuggets and Jazz in a bit of a slump, and the Blazers just 2 games out of the lead for the Northwest Division, it isn't much of a stretch to think the Blazers could go into the new year as the leaders in the Northwest.

The hot streak comes at a surprising time for the Blazers who have been without leading scorer LaMarcus Aldridge for the last 4 games due to plantar fasciitis in his right foot. Brandon Roy has been playing well and had a double-double Sunday night, tying a career high with 11 assists to go with his 26 points, but the big story has been the play of Travis Outlaw and Joel Przybilla. Outlaw has been nearly unstoppable in the win streak, hitting big shot after big shot and playing extremely tight defense. Meanwhile Joel has been absolutely dominant inside, racking up 12 blocks and 39 rebounds(not too mention taking several charges per game) over the last 4 games. Coming into this year, I wasn't too optimistic about either of these guys. I thought Outlaw was too inconsistent, and I know a few games isn't enough to call him a consistent player, but when Aldridge went out we needed someone to step up and he did, big time. As for Przybilla, I thought he was too soft, and when Oden went out, I was worried about the Blazers inside defense, but Przybilla has become a serious force to be reckoned with. I am officially on the Outlaw/Przybilla bandwagon.

Steelers drop another

Sunday morning I was thinking "this is what Steeler football is all about." A home game in December, the snow flying, a playoff spot waiting in the wings, a single victory was all that was needed to clinch it. The Steelers were looking to complete a perfect home record. They were even playing a Jacksonville team so used to playing in the warm Florida sun, that many of their players stared in wonder at the airport as they witnessed snow for the first time. These were the games Bill Cowher lived for, and in his day the game plan was simple: pound the shit out of the running game, play relentless defense, and control the ball and the clock. But instead, the Jaguars outrushed the Steelers on the ground, out played them on defense, maintained a 15 minute time-of-possession advantage, and just plain out-toughed the Steelers, who have lost two in a row for the first time this season. The Steelers won't have much time to heal up and improve the depressingly mediocre lines(both offensive and defensive) as they have to travel to St. Louis for a Thursday game against the Rams in what is even more of a must win game than Sunday was. With the Browns winning a defensive struggle against the Bills Sunday, they moved into a tie for first in the AFC North with the Steelers. With the Steelers holding the tiebreaker over the Browns, the magic number remains at 2 with just two weeks remaining. Any combination of 2 wins by the Steelers or losses by the Browns will give the AFC North title to rookie coach Mike Tomlin.

The big news of the weekend though was the Miami Dolphins. After being behind by 10 in the third quarter, the Dolphins looked doomed to pick up their 14th loss of the season, but the Ravens bailed them out and after Matt Stover missed a 44-yard field goal in overtime, the Dolphins took over and needed just 3 plays to get their first win of the season on a 64-yard Cleo Lemon to Greg Camarillo touchdown pass. It is somewhat fitting(or ironic or funny, I don't know, but I'm sure it's something) that the 2007 Dolphins picked up their first win of the season on the day that many of the 1972 Dolphins were in attendance to serve as honorary captains and celebrate the 35th anniversary of their perfect season.

Also in perfect season notes, the Jets took advantage of the New England weather to avoid getting blown out by the 14-0 Patriots, but were still handed a 20-10 loss at the hands of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick who moved one game closer to matching the 1972 Dolphins standard of perfection.

Shit's about to hit the fan

In just a few hours, the Mitchell Report on the investigation into performance-enhancing drugs will be released. I've already heard rumors this morning that Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte are named in it. This is gonna get interesting if there actually are big names on this thing other than Barry Bonds.

The Blazers are on a hot streak now, having won 5 in a row, including 2 rare road wins. Their last two wins also came without leading scorer LaMarcus Aldridge who is currently day-to-day with plantar fasciitis. Last nights win against Golden State in the Rose Garden moved the Blazers up to 10-12, just 4 games back from Denver. On Friday the Blazers will host the struggling Jazz who have lost 5 in a row, including a game to the Blazers Tuesday night in Salt Lake. An Oregonian headline today also announced that the Rose Garden is looking for a corporate partner to buy naming rights to the Rose Garden as well.

Now on to the good stuff. Tonight we get another exciting Thursday matchup with Denver traveling to Texas to take on Houston. Once again the NFL Network is hosing themselves by scheduling late season matchups that nobody cares enough about to travel to a bar to watch, much less pay money for the NFL Network to watch. This week though they will try to redeem themselves with a Saturday night game between two teams fighting it out for...aww fuck it, I'm not even going to try to make a Cincinnati/San Fran game sound exciting. Nice work NFL, the first year you try to make people pay for your channel and you come out blazing with both barrels with matchups like Bears/Redskins, Broncos/Texans, and Bengals/49ers. You'd be hard pressed to get me to watch these games if I had the channel for free.

Sunday we get some better games(on free channels no less...fuck and yeah). Games like the Patriots and Jets. You might be thinking that this game isn't not worth watching because it will just be a blowout, but theres several reasons to watch. 1) because Brady and Moss might break every single game passing/receiving record set in a single afternoon. 2) Since they're playing in New England, when the Jets are on the field you will hear the loudest 'boos' in the history of sporting events. and C) To see the post-game Belichick/Mangini handshake that could very well end in a Mortal Kombat style fatality with Belichick ripping Mangini's arm completely off and giving it to Brady who launches it 40 yards, piercing Mangini through the eye-socket. Belichick will then release the secret video tape of the incident onto YouTube.

Last week we had another solid week, pulling in an 11-5 record overall and a solid 3-1 in the money picks. That makes me just one game below .500 overall for the year. Since my week 10 debacle of 2-12, I've put up a pretty solid record of 39-24-2 and 9-5 in the money picks. Now you might think that makes me due for a little confidence correction where I go 3-13 or something, but you'd be wrong. This week we go above .500 in the overall picks and the money picks. I guarantee it.*

Broncos -1 over TEXANS: I think the Broncos are getting a pretty good line here after the Texans impressed everybody against the Bucs last week.
49ers +10 over BENGALS: The Bengals don't deserve 10 points against the Dolphins, but seriously, who really gives a fuck about this game?
SAINTS -3.5 over Cardinals: Anytime you're picking a Saints game against a halfway decent team, just go ahead and flip a coin.
STEELERS -3.5 over Jaguars: The Steelers haven't lost at home yet, and this is pretty much a must win game for them going into a short week and a Thursday road game. No Aaron Smith is going to hurt the run defense, but they'll get it done.
BUCCANEERS -13.5 over Falcons: Talk about a rough week for the Falcons. Vick goes to jail, they lose an ugly Monday Night game, and their coach tells them he's quitting with a 4 line letter. Thats like junior high break up shit right there, I guess they're lucky he didn't text them or have a friend tell them while he hid in the parking lot.
PATRIOTS -23.5 over Jets: This is going to be better than watching crocodiles hunt gazelles on Animal Planet
Bills +6 over BROWNS: This is a little bit of wishful thinking on my part, but it's not completely out of the question
Seahawks -7.5 over PANTHERS: Seahawks are back on track, they could be an interesting matchup in the playoffs
Lions +11 over CHARGERS: This is not the last road underdog I'm picking. Sorry.
COWBOYS -11 over Eagles: This is actually a tough one with this many points. The Eagles have lost 3 in a row against playoff teams that they should have won. If the Cowboys weren't looking to make a statement after almost losing to the Lions last week, this would be upset city.
Bears +11 over VIKINGS: Kyle Orton baby, could almost be Sexy Rexy's twin. He also plays like Rex...only not as consistent.

Season: 99-100-11

Money Picks**

Packers -10 over RAMS: The Packers are starting to act like the Patriots in the first half of the season. They are winning and covering everything.
Ravens -3.5 over DOLPHINS: One 0-14 coming right up
Titans -4 over CHIEFS: Titans are fighting to get that playoff spot, and Arrowhead hasn't been as hard as usual to play in this year
Colts -10.5 over RAIDERS: This is the last road favorite I'm picking, I promise
GIANTS -4.5 over Redskins: Oh man am I going to regret this. I don't have the numbers, but I think Eli has already won more December games this year(2) than the rest of his career combined. The collapse is imminent.

Season: 25-28


* I don't actually guarantee it
** Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

This won't help the pass rush

Pittsburgh Defensive End Aaron Smith is done for the season. Smith had to replaced several times in Sunday's loss to the Patriots and later tests revealed the tear. Since Pittsburgh uses more 3-4 defenses, Smith isn't used much as a pass-rusher, but he is an excellent run defender and by tying up offensive linemen, is key in the Steelers linebackers getting to the quarterback, something that hasn't happened nearly enough this season. Smith has been placed on injured reserve and the starting job will probably go to Nick Eason. Rookie Ryan McBean(No, not the mascot, that's McBeam, with an 'm') as also been promoted to the 53 man roster as well.

Match Game

Simple little game, just match the NFL star and crime to the sentence received:

A) Leonard Little - While driving in 1998 with a BAC of 0.19(more than double the legal limit), Little ran a stop light, hitting another vehicle and killing Susan Gutweiler
B) Ray Lewis - Involved in a fight at a 2000 Super Bowl party in which 2 people were stabbed to death. Lewis was seen hitting at least one of the victims and telling witnesses to keep quiet. He later dumped a bag containing his bloody suit in a dumpster. When questioned by police, Lewis lied and said he didn't know the other two suspects.
C) Pacman Jones - The worst of many incidents was a 2007 fight at a Las Vegas strip club that ended with one man paralyzed from a gunshot wound
D) Michael Vick - bankrolled a dog-fighting ring and admitted to executing several dogs and gambling on dogfights.

1) Pleaded no contest to disorderly conduct. Received 1 year probation, community service, and anger management classes.
2) Received 60 days in jail and community service for involuntary manslaughter.
3) Plead guilty. Received 23 months in jail and 3 years probation.
4) Plead guilty to obstruction of justice. Received 1 year probation.

Answer key:
A-2: Little was allowed to serve his sentence in the offseason in a work house. 6 years later after the crime had been wiped from his record, he received another DWI for which he received 2 more years probation.
B-4: Murder and assault charges against Lewis were dropped in exchange for his guilty plea to a misdemeanor charge of obstruction of justice.
C-1: Jones also received a one-year suspension from the NFL.
D-3: Vick was sentenced on December 10, 2007. The sentence could have been as high as 5 years, but was still higher than the federal sentencing guidelines of 1-18 months.

Just to recap, we've got 4 athletes, 3 people dead, one person paralyzed for life, and an unspecified number of dogs executed(Vick admitted to helping kill as many as eight). Only two received any jail time at all, and the one who killed dogs got nearly 12 times the sentence of the one who killed a 47 year old wife and mother while he was drunk behind the wheel. How many of you had heard of the Leonard Little incident before today? How many even remember the Ray Lewis incident that was swept under the table. When you think of Pacman Jones do you think about Tommy Urbanski, the paralyzed club employee, or do you think about "Makin' it rain!" But I guarantee just about everybody in America, whether a sports fan or not, knows about the Michael Vick case.

Don't get me wrong, I am horrified by Vick's crimes and don't think his sentence was too stiff in the least. Honestly, I can think of many more people I'd like to see dead than dogs. As a dog-lover and a former owner of several dogs I am outraged by what he did and by the fact that dog-fighting still occurs on such a large scale in this country. But you know what outrages me even more? The American public's willingness to ignore anything that is happening in this country until the TV cameras and protesters show up in enough force to make it onto the national news. PETA shows up and launches a protest and Vick is public enemy #1. Meanwhile Ray Lewis stands by and watches as two of his limo passengers stab and kill two other men and then lies about it and a year later he is fucking Super Bowl MVP! Can you imagine what the public outcry would've been if Vick had gotten even the next harshest penalty of 60 days in jail? They're still protesting the fact that he "only" got 23 months in jail. It doesn't quite seem right to me, but then I guess there isn't a multi-million dollar charity dedicated to the ethical treatment of people(PETA received nearly $30 million in donations last year).

13-0

We're going to have to keep waiting for the 2nd coming of Nostradamus, because it sure as hell isn't the Steelers 2nd year free safety Anthony Smith. Not only did the Steelers not win Sunday after his guarantee, but Belichick and Brady made sure that Smith's play was at least part of the reason why by specifically targeting, and beating, Smith on two long touchdown passes. After a first half in which the Steelers at least looked capable of beating the undefeated Patriots, the second half was uglier than the chick you woke up next to after picking her up at last call on Friday. After two weeks of Brady getting blitzed and being unable to efficiently get the ball to his receivers, the Patriots used quick passes to virtually move the ball at will in the second half even under pretty consistent pressure from Dick LeBeau's blitz schemes(although the Steelers didn't get a single sack, they did keep pressure on Brady and hit him several times). It didn't help that the Steelers corners kept giving Welker and the other receivers 10 yard cushions to protect against the deep threat instead of playing them close and popping them off the line to disrupt the quick slants and automatics that Brady used over and over again.

On offense the Steelers looked clean and efficient in the first half...and were unable to put up a single point in the second half, including one 1st and goal from the Patriots 8 that gave them two chances at the endzone from the one yard line and ended with the Patriots getting the ball back after a failed 4th down conversion and taking it down the field for a field goal. The offensive line looked better as well. Although they allowed 3 sacks, most of day saw Ben with plenty of time to throw, but often times no one to throw to. Fast Willie also managed to pick up 124 yards on the ground. There was only one turnover by either team on the day, with Willie Gay fumbling a punt return in the 2nd quarter, but the defense locked down and got the ball back with no damage after a missed New England field goal.

The Browns managed a win over the Jets that brings them back to within one game of the AFC North title. Since the Steelers own the tie breaker over Cleveland, the magic number right now is 2. Any combination of Steelers wins or Browns losses of 2 or more means the Steelers get the title, which doesn't sound too bad with 3 weeks left in the season. Until you look at the schedules. Cleveland faces Buffalo and San Fran at home and travels to Cincy, all games they could, and should, win without much trouble. The Steelers on the other hand, host Jacksonville this week in what will be a very tough matchup, then go on the road to face a St. Louis team that is suddenly not quite the pushover they were a few weeks ago, and then travel to Baltimore in a dangerous rivalry match on the road. The next couple weeks are going to be nerve-racking.

The Patriots now look poised to at least complete a perfect regular season with the only reasonable look at a loss coming from the New York Giants in the regular season finale. In the next two weeks they face the Jets and the Dolphins, who after an ugly loss to the Bills on Sunday are poised to match the Patriots undefeated season with a winless season of their own.

Finally, Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison this morning for his role in the much publicized dog fighting operation that came to light earlier this year.

Time for another streak buster

We're gonna get this out of the way a day early this week since I will be traveling the rest of the week.

In 2004 the Patriots were on a 21 game win streak going into a game against the Steelers and their streaking rookie QB Ben. Ben and the hard blitzing Steeler D forced Brady into turnovers and beat the Patriots 34-20 in Pittsburgh on their way to a 15-1 season. This year they look to spoil the Patriots attempt at an undefeated season. The Patriots haven't looked this vulnerable all year, coming off of near losses to the Eagles and the Ravens. The Steelers have won two in a row since dropping an embarrassing loss to the Jets in New York. It won't be an easy game. For one thing, they will have to get used to playing on solid ground again after their last two games on the soft mud of Heinz Field. The Steelers will also have to play much cleaner ball than they did against the Bungles last week when they had 4 turnovers plus two more that were overturned after review. On the plus side, the defense has been playing very well and the secondary has been stout, even without Polamalu who they'll get back this week. In their last two games, the Patriots pulled out the win in large part due to late mistakes by their opponents. I'm talking to you Fast Willie...maybe use a little extra stickum this week, and for Dog's sake, take off the damn sleeves. I've got to question the wisdom of 2nd year safety Anthony Smith guaranteeing a win though. A win and a browns loss clinches the division for Pittsburgh.

Ended with another good week last week going 10-6, but only managed 2-2 on the money picks. I still finished in the green thanks to a late play on the under in the Steelers game after I saw the weather in Pittsburgh. We're now only 7 games under .500 for the year. We probably won't get that back this week, but we're streaking now, and with 4 weeks left, we should be well above .500 by the end of the regular season.

Bears +3 over REDSKINS: What a heartbreaker for the Redskins last week. On the day the NFL was honoring Sean Taylor, they let the win slip through their fingers, capped off by a ridiculous double timeout by their senile coach Joe Gibbs that moved the Bills game winning field goal from a difficult 51 yards to a relative chip shot of 36 yards. Then after Taylor's memorial service on Monday, the Redskins have to play a Thursday game with only two days of practice. I really hope the Skins win this one, but it doesn't look good.
Cowboys -11 over LIONS: Jon Kitna's 10 win guarantee looks dumber and dumber every week. God must be busy Christmas shopping.
BILLS -7 over Dolphins: Bill won a close one over the Dolphins earlier in the year. Now they're trying to get in the playoffs and the dolphins just got blown out by the Jets. The Bills win this one easily.
Giants +3 over EAGLES: Tough choice for the Eagles. Do you play a gimpy McNabb or a inconsistent and mistake prone AJ Feeley. Actually it doesn't really matter, since whoever plays will be spending most of the game on their back behind the Giants pass rush. Or Eli could throw 4 picks and lose by 24.
PACKERS -10 over Raiders: Favre in Lambeau in December. Thats really all you need to know.
Rams +6.5 over BENGALS: Rams are playing pretty well ever since they got that no wins monkey off their back. The Bengals? not so much.
SEAHAWKS -7 over Cardinals: Cardinals will probably be without Boldin and Fitzgerald, and the Seahawks are looking to pad their lead in the NFC West.
Steelers +10.5 over PATRIOTS: Whoever wins the turnover battle in this one will win the game.
Browns -3 over JETS: I don't think the Steelers clinch this week, as the Browns shouldn't have a problem with the Jets.
BRONCOS -6.5 over Chiefs: An epic AFC West battle, I'm not sure how I'm going to contain the excitement.
Colts -9.5 over RAVENS: The Ravens d looked like better than they have all year against the Pats, but you can't pick them against the Colts because of one good week.
Saints -4 over FALCONS: Who the fuck knows which Saints team shows up, but what do you want me to ? pick the Falcons?

Season: 88-95-11

Money Picks*

JAGUARS -10 over Panthers: The Jags lost a close one to the Colts last week and will be looking to get their playoff run back on track this week.
Chargers -1 TITANS: LT2 seems to have found a bit of a stride.
Bucs -3 over TEXANS: The Bucs are quietly gearing up for a deep playoff run. The Texans are falling like...well something that falls pretty fast.
Vikings -8.5 over 49ERS: If the Vikings sneak into a wild card spot, they could be a dangerous team in the playoffs. If Tavaris Jackson can keep from making too many mistakes, the Purple Jesus will lead them to victory.

Season: 22-27

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Natalie Gulbis has competition

Anna Rawson just got her LPGA tour card and is going to give Natalie Gulbis a run for her money as hottest lady golfer. As a 2004 graduate of USC and a model, Anna comes in with a solid hotness ranking, but don't forget to add extra points for her Australianness(that might not be a word). Lets just hope she's good enough to win whatever that LPGA tournament is where the winner jumps into the water hazard. Just remember Anna...always wear white shirts on tourney Sundays.

Getting it done when it matters

Man that was a clutch performance! With only seconds left it seemed like it was destined to happen, then in a flash it looked like it couldn't possibly happen. Then things changed once again and when the final buzzer sounded they had pulled off a win. Nope, not talking about the Patriots, but the Blazers, who picked up their first road win of the season behind two clutch shots by Travis Outlaw in the last 15 seconds to beat Memphis 106-105. With 15 seconds left Outlaw hit a 3 to put the Blazers up by one, but a Rudy Gay tip-in with only 2.8 seconds left put the Blazers back down by one and seemingly headed for their 9 road loss of the season. But Outlaw came through again, dropping in a short runner as the buzzer sounded. Outlaw said after the game he was just trying to get fouled, but hey, sometimes you get lucky. Outlaw finished with 21 points on 8-13 shooting, including 3-3 on tres. Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge combined for 49 more. The Blazers play 4 of their next 5 at home.

As for the Patriots/Ravens games, thats two weeks in a row the Patriots have been taken to the max. This time the Patriots escaped thanks to a few penalties, a few Baltimore mistakes, and some questionable play-calling at the end of the game. They all combined to allow the Patriots to head back home to Boston with their 12th win of the season. Baltimore's defense looked like the Raven's of old though, and for the second week in a row, Brady was harassed and rushed and kept in check. After taking down quarterbacks like Peyton Manning, Tony Romo, and Carson Palmer, the Patriots have nearly lost two games in a row to AJ Feeley and Kyle Boller. I'm not sure if that bodes well for Ben(I'm not using his last name the rest of the year as a tribute to Bill Simmons) and the Steelers or not. I gotta say though, if New England loses that game last night, they would probably have been so pissed they would have destroyed the Steelers next week, but now the Steel City D should be able to keep Brady on his toes. If you look at the stats, it is shaping up to be an epic battle as the Steelers are #1 in the NFL on defense in points, yards, passing yards. All categories in which the Patriots are #1 in the league on offense. The Steeler D has a slight edge in rushing yards at #2 on defense(the Patriots are #8 on offense). To use an overused phrase the last couple weeks, we have the blueprint for beating the Patriots: get to Brady, keep Moss contained, and control the ball, now the Steelers just have to execute and avoid mistakes.

I'd also like to link to Dan Steinberg's post picking apart ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd who has been pretty unrelenting concerning Sean Taylor's death. Couldn't agree with Dan more. Cowherd is mildly entertaining at times, but there is a time to shut the fuck up. That time was sometime last week Colin.

Weekend Recap

Even with a fair amount of rain, Heinz Field was in much better shape last night and the Steelers picked up a win over the Bengals behind three Ben TD's(one by land, two by air). Big props to Hines Ward, who's two receiving TD's tied and then broke John Stallworth's Steelers franchise record for TD receptions. The defense looked outstanding, and after giving up an opening drive touchdown, they locked down and kept the Bungles offense looking pretty inept. It's a good thing too, because although the offensive line was much better this week, the offense made alot of mistakes. Ben floated alot of passes high(actually both QB's did, the wet ball probably wasn't helping), but luckily his receivers pulled most of them down and probably saved him from having more than the two picks he threw anyway. A bigger concern was Willie Parker almost throwing the game away by fumbling everytime he touched the ball. Willies 4 fumbles could have very easily cost them the game, but luckily two of them were overturned upon review(the first was Mike Tomlin's first ever challenge win as a head coach), including one that was returned for a touchdown. Willie has shown a tendency to fumble in key situations the last couple years and he needs to do something about it. Soon. The Bengals 8th loss of the year guaranteed that they will not finish above .500 yet again. The Bengals only finished with a winning record once since 1990. Tell me again why everybody keeps talking about these guys among the elite teams every offseason?

The win, combined with a Browns loss, gave the Steelers a two game lead in the AFC North. The Browns loss was bittersweet though, as I had it as one of the money picks and got screwed by a shitty call on that Kellen Winslow TD with time expiring. We managed a 2-2 overall in the money picks, with AJ Feeley's inability to complete a pass to anyone but Lofa Tatupu costing us another loss.

Eli Manning played 3.5 quarters of typical Eli ball, before somehow managing to stage 4th quarter comeback as the Giants snuck out a win over the Bears. When I first saw that Eli had led the Giants to a late season comeback win, my first thought was that I should probably stock up on bottled water and batteries, because something is seriously wrong in the universe. But then 8 more men accused Larry Craig of having gay sex, and I realized everything was still right in the world and we were going to be fine.

In the battle to remain defeated, the Dolphins heroically managed to pull out a loss against the Jets to move to 0-12. They are now just 2 games away from tying the 1976 Buccaneers 0-14 record. The Dolphins 4 remaining games are Buffalo, Baltimore, New England, and Cincinnati. The Jets were by far the scariest team they had left, and they should be able to avoid any wins from here on out. The only team that I could accept them beating would be New England(especially if the Patsies are still undefeated), because that would just be funny.

On a quick BCS note, as I suspected, the national title game will be OSU vs LSU. Ohio State is like the Vladimir Putin of the BCS. They win no matter what. Damn, that's two current political references in one post. I promise to try and do better with the irrelevant dribble you've come to expect from me from here on out. Virginia Tech, Oklahoma, and Georgia round out the top 5. Here are the major bowl matchups:

Sugar Bowl: #10 Hawai'i vs #5 Georgia - This will be a touch matchup for Hawai'i, but if they can pull a Boise State like upset over Georgia, it will be a fitting end to a fucked up year in the BCS.
Fiesta Bowl: #4 Oklahoma vs #9 West Virginia - West Virginia has the most wins of any college that has never won a national title. What a devastating loss to Pittsburgh.
Orange Bowl: #3 Virginia Tech vs #8 Kansas - Virginia Tech is playing about the best football of anybody right now. This could a great game.
BCS Title Game: #1 Ohio State vs #2 LSU - When this game is over, there will be alot of angry people at Virginia Tech, Oklahoma, and Georgia. And don't be surprised if we Les Miles still somehow ends up at Michigan.

The BCS is Simple

or not. Shit done got interesting yesterday, so I'm gonna do a quick Sunday post. It started so simple. Missouri and West Virginia win and they're in the championship. Instead, this is whats left of the BCS computers:



For the second week in a row, both the #1 and #2 teams were upset. The curse of the #2 continued as West Virginia, who was favored by 4 touchdowns, was upset by unranked Pittsburgh in the Backyard Brawl. And that is just the beginning. Here's where we're at right now:

#1 and #2 lost. #3, #4, #5 didn't play. #6 beat #11 by two touchdowns. #7 survived a scare from #14. #8 won. #9 beat #1 and won the Big 12. #10 didn't play and #11 lost. #12 won and is undefeated. Ohio State(#3) and Kansas(#5) have one loss. Missouri(#1), West Virginia(#2), Georgia(#4), Virginia Tech(#6), LSU(#7), USC(#8), and Oklahoma(#9) all have two losses. Both of Missouri's losses came from Oklahoma. West Virginia lost to unranked Pittsburgh and South Florida. Ohio State lost to unranked Illinois. Georgia lost to unranked South Carolina and Tennessee. Kansas only lost to Missouri. Virginia Tech lost to LSU and Boston College. LSU lost to unranked Kentucky and unranked Arkansas. USC lost to unranked Stanford and Oregon. Oklahoma lost to unranked Colorado and unranked Texas Tech.

It seems pretty simple to me. I guess I just don't see the problem. Wait...you can only pick two teams to play for the national championship? Ffffuuuuuucccckkkk...good luck man.

Every team in the top 9 has a legitimate claim to the title game(and you have to throw #12 Hawai'i in there too). I don't see how #3 OSU doesn't get in because of their popularity, but they will probably lose. I think LSU is the best team, but two losses to unranked teams could hurt them, but both games were triple-overtime thrillers and LSU plays in the very tough SEC. Virginia Tech plays in the weak ACC, but both their losses came against opponents who were ranked #2 and they avenged one of them by beating #11 Boston College yesterday. Virginia Tech could also get some sympathy votes in the human polls because of the shooting tragedy there earlier this year.

I'd like to see a LSU/Virginia Tech title game, but I'd be surprised if we don't see a OSU/LSU matchup, with LSU winning by at least 17. You heard it here first.

Two missed picks

I somehow managed to forget two games when I made my picks this morning. Since I know everybody is especially excited against the Jets/Dolphins game, here they are:

Jets +1 over DOLPHINS: The Jets have only won two games this year: One against a the Dolphins in week 3, and one against the Ste...well it doesn't matter who they won their other game against. This will be the Dolphins biggest test of the season in their attempt to go 0-16, but I think they can do it without Ricky Williams, who made it all of 6 plays before going out for the season with a torn titty muscle.
Bucs +3.5 over SAINTS: Who knows which Drew Brees will show up. If its the one that lost to the Rams the Bucs will walk all over the Saints. If the Jaguar killing Brees shows up though, the Bucs could be in trouble.

Evel Knievel: Dead at 69

He survived almost 40 broken bones, an attempt to jump the Snake River Canyon on a rocket-powered motorcycle, and a liver transplant, but Evel Knievel finally died today. I haven't seen a cause of death yet, but he had been in rough shape for the last several years due to his affliction with diabetes and pulmonary fibrosis.

Knievel was born and raised in Butte, Montana, the home of the original Copperhouse. Each year thousands flocked to Butte each year for the annual Evel Knievel Days celebration, which I can personally say is one crazy kick-ass good time of a party.

American Gladiators is Back!!

Man I can't wait for the new American Gladiators. Hosted by Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali? How can this go wrong?

We got off to a sizzling 0-1 start to the week as the Packers failed to cover the seven point spread last night. I wish I could blame it on Brett Favre getting hurt in the 2nd quarter, but Aaron Rodgers actually played alot better in the 2nd half than Favre did in the 1st. Yesterday I talked up Favre's new found aversion to risk and Favre paid us back with 2 classic "chuck and duck" interceptions in the first half that helped the Cowboys build an early lead that they never relinquished. Green Bay was also without cornerback Charles Woodson which limited their ability to keep T.O. under wraps, and he burned them good with 156 yards and a TD. The Packers pulled within 3 in the 4th quarter, but saw their hopes for a comeback dashed by a questionable pass interference call that gave the Cowboys the ball on the 5 yard line and led to another Tony Romo to Patrick Crayton hookup.

REDSKINS -6 over Bills: The loss of Sean Taylor could go either way for the Redskins, but I think they're able to use it as inspiration. At least this week.
VIKINGS -3.5 over Lions: Last week the Giants defense somehow managed to make Tavaris Jackson look like a good QB. He's not, but it doesn't matter in this one.
TITANS -4 over Texans: The Titans have lost 3 straight. Last week they couldn't even score a touchdown against the Bengals defense. This might not be the best pick.
Jaguars +7 over COLTS: Even at home, I just can't pick the Colts here. I want to, but I just don't see them winning by more than a field goal here.
Chargers -6 over CHIEFS: Herm Edwards blew last weeks game against the Raiders, and probably killed whatever confidence the Chiefs had. Which wasn't much without Priest Holmes or Larry Johnson
Broncos -3.5 over RAIDERS: The Donkey's lucked out when they beat the Raiders in Denver, this one won't be as close.
Giants +1.5 over BEARS: How the fuck am I supposed to pick between Fetus Head Manning and Sexy Rexy. I'm putting the over/under on turnovers at 11 on this one...and I'm probably taking the over.
STEELERS -7 over Bengals: Back at Heinz Field this week for the Sunday Night game. It will be interesting to see what condition the field is after Monday's debacle.
Pats -20.5 over RAVENS: Favored by 21 points on the road?!?! OK, I'll take them.

Season: 78-89-11

Money Picks*

We won both our straight up bets, but missed on the teaser again. Fuck the teaser.

RAMS -3 over Falcons: Last week the Rams were a goalline fumble away from beating the Seahawks for their third straight win. I think they can handle the Dirty Birds
Browns pick over CARDINALS: Whisenhunt is 2-1 against teams from his old stomping grounds of the AFC North, but this Browns team isn't like any of the ones he saw when he was in Pittsburgh
EAGLES -3 over Seahawks: I hate picking against the Seahawks, but they never do well traveling to the east coast. Especially when they have to play the early game.
PANTHERS -2.5 over 49ers: I'm going with the Panthers on this one for the same reason as the Seahawks game. West coast team playing the early game on the east coast.

Season: 20-25

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Blazers struggles come home

The Blazers win-at-home-lose-on-the-road trend seems to be reversing a bit. Unfortunately, so far it's only the win-at-home part that is changing as the Blazers lost to the Pacers last night 95-89. After starting the season 4-0 at home, the Blazers have now dropped 3 of their last 4 at home to drop to 5-10 overall. On the bright side, they're still in 3rd in the Northwest thanks to the horrendous play of the Kevin Garnett-less Timberwolves and a Sonics team that seems determined to waste Kevin Durants talents with bad coaching. The Blazers are going to get tested hard on the road for the next few games as they travel to San Antonio, Dallas, and Memphis. While the Blazers aren't winning as much as I thought they would, they are showing improvement at times in running McMillan's new uptempo offense. Once this young team gets used to the faster pace and gets more comfortable with each other in the transition game, they will start improving exponentially.

Tonight the Packers and Cowboys face off in what right now looks to be a preview of the NFC Championship game. Brett Favre has never won at Texas Stadium, but looks to change that tonight against Tony Romo(who is apparently bumpin uglies with Jessica Simpson again). This game looks to me like it will come down to whichever quarterback makes the fewest mistakes. In years past Favre could always be counted on to throw bad picks that often hurt him in big games, but is playing better this year than I think he ever has. Now that he's gotten a little older(ok, alot older) he can't rely on his pure talent and physical strength anymore and it has forced him to play a much cleaner, less risky game and it's been working to the tune of the Packers best record since the Lombardi days. A key matchup in this game will be Terrell Owens against the Packers physical corners. If they can keep TO in check, I think Favre gets his first win at Dallas and the Packers set themselves up for homefield advantage throughout the playoffs.

Packers +7 over COWBOYS

Unfortunately 95% of the country won't be able to watch it at home thanks to the ongoing dispute between the NFL Network and cable companies. Except for satellite customers and the cable viewers that ponied up the extra cash for the NFL Network on cable, most people will be forced to travel to a local drinking establishment to watch the game.

3-0

Nope, thats not a baseball score. Or even a hockey score(although 5 NHL teams scored at least 3 points last night. The Flyers scored 3 points...and lost), it's not even a soccer futball score. Thats a damn football score. After 4 Pennsylvania high school games on Friday and a Pitt Panthers game on Saturday, the turf at Heinz Field was in rough shape. There wasn't time to tear up the old turf, so the Heinz Field people decided to just lay fresh sod down on top. That might have worked, but then the rain started coming down...and kept coming and coming. The rain didn't stop even after all the yardage markers had been washed away. The rain kept coming as the stadium was cleared because of a lightning threat. It kept coming down as the Steelers and Dolphins finally took the field and waged a muddy, grind-out war that ended in the lowest scoring NFL game since the Jets beat the Redskins 3-0 in 1993. Until Jeff Reed's 24 yard field goal with 17 seconds left gave the Steelers the victory, it was the longest an NFL game had been scoreless since 1943 when the Lions and the Giants played to a 0-0 tie.

It was an ugly, muddy, mess of a game, played on an even worse field. Every step on the field resulted in cleats sinking inches into the muddy grass. Runners attempting to cut back fell down as their cleats tore through the soft turf and left huge divots in the field. The field that was so soft and muddy that punts were landing in the mud and sticking...no bounce, no roll, nothing. Every sportscaster in the last 12 hours has used the Tiger Woods wedge shot analogy, but it's the only analogy that works. It wasn't a pretty game by any standards, and in the end, it could've just as easily been the Dolphins who booted the winning field goal or it could've gone to overtime and ended in a 0-0 tie. But on a night when Big Ben set a Steelers team record for completion percentage, the Steelers made a couple extra plays when it counted and came away with the W. It's a whole lot better to win ugly than to lose ugly.

On a gambling note, we missed a golden opportunity. As soon as I saw the turf conditions, I should've been betting the hell out of the Dolphins plus the points and the under. Unfortunately I was in the truck listening on the radio and couldn't make it to a computer before the game started.

On a much sadder note, the Redskins safety Sean Taylor died last night from the injuries sustained when he was shot in his Miami home Sunday night. My deepest condolences go out to his friends and family and especially his girlfriend and their 1 year old daughter.

Sean Taylor not improving

Sean Taylor is in pretty rough shape. His former lawyer and family friend, Richard Sharpstein, has said that Taylor is "nonresponsive and unconcious." Doctors are also concerned about the immense loss of blood affecting blood flow to the brain.

Sharpstein has also said it was clearly an armed robbery, but the police still won't confirm or deny that claim. We're all hoping and praying that Taylor pulls through this.

Weekend Recap

Sean Taylor

Redskins safety Sean Taylor was shot in his Miami home last night. He is apparently in critical condition as the bullet pierced his femoral artery and he lost a ton of blood. Best wishes to Sean and his family. For as much shit as we give athletes for getting caught packing heat, there has been a disturbing trend of big name athletes being the victims of armed robberies in their own homes. In early September Texans cornerback Dunta Robinson was robbed at gunpoint in his home and two NBA players, Eddie Curry and Antoine Walker, were robbed in their homes at gunpoint this summer.

Devin Hester

When are they going to learn? You don't fucking kick to Devin Hester! You'd think it was part of an NFL coaches job description to watch the occasional game film, or at least tune into Sportscenter once in a while. But if they did that, you'd think we wouldn't see Hester taking punts and kicks to the house as much. Shanahan took the stupidity a step further; not only did he keep kicking down the middle of the field until Hester took a punt back for a touchdown, but he continued kicking to Hester, resulting in a kick return for a touchdown as well. The end result? Broncos lose in OT.

Patriots

Oh so close. The Patriots defense got an early pick six and then after taking the lead in the 4th, they stepped up again and sealed the victory with two more interceptions in the last 4 minutes of the game. The Eagles definitely exposed some weaknesses in the Patriots offense though as their constant blitzing kept Brady off balance and under pressure. This gives some hope for the week 14 matchup against the Steelers who will no doubt have some inventive LeBeau blitz schemes for Brady to try and escape.

Random thoughts from Sunday

• If the Seahawks bothered to show up before halftime for their games they might be a pretty good team. Playing back from a two score halftime deficit every week can't be easy.
• I love Arizona. They're like clockwork. When you hear Chris Berman and his boys start talking Sunday morning about how the Cards are playing really well and starting to turn the corner and are gonna make a playoff run, etc, etc, bet against them, and bet against them hard.
• It's not always a great throw by the QB, sometimes receivers make amazing plays on really shitty throws. I'm tired of watching QB's force it into double coverage and have the receiver manage to come down with it only to hear Joe Buck tell me what an amazing throw that was the way the quarterback got it throught the coverage for the completion. Fuck you, give the little guy some credit.
• The Patriots kept the undefeated season alive. Tonight we get to see if the Steelers can keep the Dolphins out of the 'W' column.

BCS

Alot of shakeup in the rankings this weekend as #1 LSU lost in a triple OT thriller to unranked Arkansas and #2 Kansas dropped to #4 Missouri. The win earned Mizzou the top ranking in the BCS, and West Virginia was able to move up to #2 with a big win over #20 UConn. Is there anything scarier than being #2 in the BCS rankings this year? The way things are going, even Dave Wannstedt and Pittsburgh have got to look like scary matchup for #2 West Virginia going into this weekends Big East championship.

The BCS could get even more interesting this weekend as the top 2 teams both have to play conference championship games with Missouri also facing a tough matchup against #9 Oklahoma for the Big 12 championship. Meanwhile none of the next 3 top teams have any more games, so if either Mizzou or WVU lose this weekend, Ohio State(#3), Georgia(#4) and even Kansas(#5) all will be hoping for BCS Championship bid. Please God don't let a shitty, overrated Big 10 team like OSU sneak into another Championship game.

Patriots/Eagles Line Update

Apparently my comment that Vegas had abandoned the line on the Patriots/Eagles game was incorrect, but it is the largest point spread ever! That is, not counting expansion teams. The line opened at 17 and everybody and their dog jumped on the Patriots which pushed the line up to 22 points almost immediately. In Vegas, it is apparently now sitting at around 23.5. However, none of the online sportsbooks that I occasionally visit for educational and journalistic purposes are currently carrying a line. So even if I wanted to, I would be unable to bet on this game(of course I don't want to since I'm not in Vegas and that would make sports gambling illegal).

Happy Thanksgiving!

I managed to sneak out a 8-6-2 record last week, but I'm gonna have to do better than that if we want to get back above .500 for the year

COWBOYS -14 over Jets - The Jets go on the road this week, so New Yorkers won't have any Gate D titty flashing to distract them from the shilacking that Dallas is going to lay on them
Colts -12 over FALCONS - The Colts better get back on track quick. Luckily they're playing the Falcons and Joey Harrington.
Seahawks -3 over RAMS - The pressure's off the Rams. They won a game and no longer have to worry about going 0-16, which means they can go back to sucking
GIANTS -7 over Vikings - What the hell is going on? Peyton and the Colts are falling apart and Eli and the Giants are looking like a serious NFC contender.
BUCS -3 over Redskins - No idea here, so I'm taking the home team
Saints -3 over PANTHERS - I'm getting whiplash watching the Saints, can they just make up their mind on whether they're gonna win games or not?
Titans +1 over BENGALS - I don't know that I'd pick the Bengals as favorites if they were playing the Dolphins
BROWNS -3.5 over Texans - I'm pretty sure that ball bouncing backwards off the support beam last week violated at least 3 laws of physics.
Raiders +6 over CHIEFS - the meh, whatever game of the week
49ers +10.5 over CARDINALS - never mind, this one is even worse than the Raiders/Chiefs matchup
Broncos +2 over BEARS - 2 in a row for the Broncos, and they're smelling a possible AFC West title. Not that that is really anything to be proud of.
Ravens +10 over CHARGERS - 4 months ago these two teams were being talked about as Super Bowl contenders, now they're just trying to finish above .500.
PATRIOTS over Eagles - That's it, Vegas has given up on even keeping a line on Patriots games. Our cash cow has broke the fence and headed for the hills. If you can find a line on this game of less than 25 points, bet it.
STEELERS -16 over Dolphins - Steelers haven't lost a game at home this year. Dolphins haven't won a game period. Steelers have won 12 straight Monday night games at home. The Dolphins are looking to be the first 0-16 team ever.

Season: 68-82-11

Money Picks*

Packers -3 over LIONS - 3 points? I know this is a huge Thanksgiving Day rivalry and the Pack is on the road, but this almost seems to easy. And in Friday's news, Brett Favre shit the bed against the Lions to fall to 9-2.
JAGUARS -7.5 over Bills - The Jags matchup next week against Indy could end up deciding the division. Lets hope the Jags don't look past the Bills.

4-team teaser (NOTE: all lines have been teased by 6 points)

COWBOYS -8 over Jets
JAGS -1.5 over Bills
Titans +7 over BENGALS
Colts -6 over FALCONS

Season: 18-24

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Road Woes Part 2

Home: 4-0
Away: 0-7

Somethings gotta give. The Trail Blazers dropped their fourth straight, and seventh overall, on the road last night losing to Charlotte 101-92. Thankfully the Blazers return home with a 4 game stand in the Rose Garden starting Wednesday against the Nets. They will need to get some convincing wins to hault this slide and get some confidence back before this gets any farther out of hand.

Road Woes

Dear Steelers,

Seeing as how most of you decided not to show up yesterday in New York, I just wanted to let you guys know what happened. You just lost to the Jets. The same Jets that hadn't won a game against anybody but the Miami Dolphins this year. You once again shit the bed against the worst rush defenses in the league. Willie Parker, the NFL's second leading rusher just gained a mere 52 yards against the Jets. Big Ben had a serviceable day, other than those fumbles and the classic "force a pass into double coverage" interception that he manages to pull off about once a game. It couldn't have been easy on him though, what with the Jets up his ass the entire game. You just allowed seven sacks by the Jets. Yes this is the same New York Jets that was ranked 30th in overall defense and dead last against the run. Right now Joey Porter is sitting in South Beach salivating at the thought of the 17 sacks he's going to register next week when he returns to Pittsburgh for his first game against his old team.

Don't worry Defense, I didn't forget about you. You just gave up 150+ yards rushing to the Jets. Even worse, you just allowed Thomas Jones to rack up 117 yards against what was, a mere 24 hours ago, the leagues best defense. The first 100 yard game by a rusher since 2005. 35 games since a running back had put up 100 yards against the vaunted Steelers defense. Since then you've faced running backs the likes of LaDanian Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander, Larry Johnson, Edgerrin James, and numerous other talented running backs who weren't playing for the Jets. You just let Kellen fucking Clemens eat you alive on a 4th quarter game-tying drive. And the only reason it was a game-tying drive and not a game-winning drive is because Brad Smith had trouble with one of those pesky Clemens passes that bounced off his hands.

You don't lose to the Jets without a complete team effort though. Luckily, the special teams came through with breakdown just in time to hand the Jets the game. I was impressed with the way you handled kick coverages during the game, I almost thought maybe you'd learned your lesson after that debacle last week against the Browns. But then you decided to let the Jets return a punt into field goal territory in overtime. 3 short runs later and the Jets ended the misery with an easy 38 yard field goal.

I tell you what, I'm really excited to see what you guys do to try and lose next Monday against the 0-10 Dolphins.

Sincerely,

My eyes are bleeding in Portland

Week 11 Picks

At 5:00 Wednesday afternoon I was wrapping up at my real job with a nice little plan for the evening. I had six pack chilling in the fridge next to a fat rib-eye that had been marinating for almost 24 hours. I was going to drink, eat, and watch the Blazers eventually lose to the Nuggets and catch up on a little "Shot of Love with Tila Tequila"(By the way, whether you watch the show or not, do yourself a favor and watch the last 10 minutes of the most recent episode. You won't be disappointed). I was completely unaware that Rob Zombie and Ozzie Osbourne were even playing in the Rose Garden that night. Less than 4 hours later, I was standing stage left, 10 rows up, drowning in a sea of vodka/red bulls, bare titties(ranging from sagging 40 year old tits to 25 year old fake, pierced DD's), and enough ahem, alternative smoke, to make Ricky Williams cough up a lung. All of this courtesy of some guy I'd never met who had given tickets to a co-worker of a friend's elementary school buddy who happened to be in town from Denver for an entomological conference. I don't know what you had to do to get those tickets Cheryl, but it was worth it. Next thing I know Ozzie is baring his ass to the crowd(how is it that the Prince of Darkness has an ass white enough to blind a polar bear?), and then we're on the train home with a 60 year old guy who insists we hold his glass eye while he tries to talk a drunk chick into taking off her black hot pants and giving us all a dance. God damn life is random!

None of that has anything to do with sports or football, but it makes for a helluva better story than trying to explain how I went 2-12 in my picks last week.

Raiders +5 over VIKINGS - Purple Jesus didn't rise from injured list after 3 days, and Chester Taylor and Tavaris Jackson won't beat the Raiders without him
EAGLES -10 over Dolphins - If the Dolphins go 0-16 the same year as the Patriots go 19-0, will the remaining members of the 1972 Dolphins all commit seppuku?
JAGUARS -2.5 over Chargers - So you beat the Colts on a night when Manning threw 6 picks and Vinatieri missed a 29 yarder? Sorry still no love for you Norv
RAVENS +3 over Browns - Everyone is awfully impressed that the Browns almost beat the Steelers. But they still gave up 400 yards to the Steelers while only getting 163 yards from scrimmage.
Saints pick over TEXANS - Reggie Bush vs Mario Williams is the only mildly interesting thing about this game
Giants +3 over LIONS - Has Tom Coughlin's annual year end implosion started yet? Or can they squeak out win over the God's favorite quarterback?
PACKERS -9.5 over Panthers - The Packers are bound to start disappointing us soon, but at home in November against a shitty warm weather team? I'll take Favre in the battle of the geriatric quarterbacks.
COLTS -14.5 over Chiefs - Does this look like the face of someone who is going to let the Chiefs stay within 3 touchdowns of him?
Steelers -9.5 over JETS - I don't see Tomlin making the mistake of holding back on the run game against a shitty run defense like he did in Denver. Even Davenport is going to get some yards this week
Rams -3 over 49ERS - I must still have a contact high from the Ozzie concert to pick the Rams as road favorites against anybody but Notre Dame.
SEAHAWKS -5.5 over Bears - Sexy Rexy is back!! Before last weeks game Mike Holmgren said he was going to start passing more. Nice Mike, way to step up and really make your point. This might have carried a little weight if you had said it before Shaun Alexander got hurt. As for you Shaun, you notice how Morris hit the holes and actually tried to gain yardage? You might give that a shot instead of pussy-footing up the line and falling over sideways all the time. DISCLAIMER: If Shaun Alexander starts this game, consider this a Bears pick.
COWBOYS -10.5 over Redskins - 11 points is a pretty big spread, but I don't see the Cowboys losing to a division rival at home this year.
Patriots -16 over BILLS - The Patriots have only missed one cover this year, and that was only because Belichick decided to run out the clock instead of kicking field goal against the Colts.

Season: 60-76-9

Money Picks*

Bucs -3 over FALCONS - The dirty birds have snuck out 2 wins in a row...against the Panthers and the 49ers. Add one more win over the Texans and I still see a very bad team
Cardinals +3.5 over BENGALS - Whisenhunt knows the Bengals as well as any team in the league, plus the Bengals are really really shitty
Titans +2 over BRONCOS - Broncos still have no run defense, as long as Jeff Fisher doesn't pull a Tomlin and have Vince Young go pass-happy the Titans should win this one outright.

Season: 16-23

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Rip City is Back??

Well maybe that's a bit premature, but the Blazers picked up another win last night to move above .500 for the first time in almost exactly a year(They fell to the Timberwolves last November 14th to fall to 4-4, it was all downhill from there). So far the Blazers are a perfect 4-0 at home, but have yet to win in their three tries on the road. They'll get another chance tonight when they travel to Denver to take on the Nuggets. The Blazers lost both games they played in Denver last year and have lost 9 of 10 there dating back to the 2002-2003 season. A win tonight would move the Blazers up to second in the division behind the Utah Jazz.

Pittsburgh pulls it out

Wow, what a weekend!! Before I get to the Steelers trip, I want to say congrats to the Blazers and the Portland crowd. I missed the home opener, but got to the second game against Memphis. last Friday the night before I left for Pittsburgh. It was Oden bobblehead night, and the first 10,000 fans got one. I've been going to Blazer games for 2.5 years and have never once seen 10,000 fans at a game, but figured this might be a slightly larger crowsd so I showed up 20 minutes early. I knew something was up when the two cheapest levels of tickets were sold out and I had to shell out $26 bucks apiece for tickets. I didn't get a bobblehead and when I sat in my seat it was easy to see why, I probably wasn't even in the first 15,000 fans. The Blazers looked like the Blazers of the last couple years in the first half. Defensively they couldn't stop much of anything, and took a 12 point deficit into halftime. They came out fired up for the second half though and immediately went on a 13-2 run and stayed locked down on D the rest of the game. The 2nd half crowd was bigger, louder, and more enthusiastic than any crowd I've ever seen in the Rose Garden. After taking the lead with about 7 minutes left in the game, Portland continued a dominating second half effort to win 110-98(Chalupas!!) The new starting lineup with Blake at point guard and Jarrett Jack coming off the bench seems to be working, as the Blazers have now won 3 straight after dropping their first three, including their first win over Dallas in 14 tries.

Pittsburgh Trip

The pilgrimage to Heinz Field was even more amazing. I switched planes in Minneapolis and immediately started seeing large swaths of Black & Gold. After downing some beers with a dude from Calgary dressed in snakeskin boots, a stetson, and a leather Steelers jacket, I boarded the plane to Pittsburgh that consisted of about 95% people going to the game. I got off the plane and was greeted by none other than Franco Harris...or at least a statue of Franco.

Franco Striking a pose in the Airport

I met up with the little bro and grandpa waiting for me and headed back to the pad. As soon as we walked in the door my Grandpa offered me a drink so I accepted a glass of the dirty bird and he started pouring. At about the 3 fingers mark I told him to hold up, but he ignored me and poured another 3. Ten minutes later I was halfway done with it and he asked why I was taking it so slow.

After dinner we headed up to Mount Washington, but the stadium wasn't lit up so we couldn't see much. Instead we went home for more drinks and watched the Penguins lose again.

We woke up in the morning to a wonderful thing...something besides Seahawks gameday coverage in the newspaper. After a late breakfast we headed to the game.

Apache Longbows in a Veterans Day Flyover

Opening Kickoff

Late Game Crowd

As we were sitting in our seats watching as the stadium started filling up, our Grandpa leans over and says "Damn, I've never seen so many fat girls in my life." Yup, that about says it all. The AFC North isn't exactly known for its crowd aesthetics. But on the plus side, we saw very few of those gay-ass pink jerseys.

I gotta say though, the upper endzone seats in that stadium may be the best seats in the house. Your plenty close to the action and from behind the endzone you see everything. You see the running lanes open and close in the blink of an eye, the passing routes develop and the seams in the zone coverage shift. When Ben threw an interception in the first half for example, we all knew it was a pick before he even threw it. He'd tried the same pass a couple times already and had been lucky to get away with incompletions. I've seen plenty of high school and college games live, and they don't even begin to compare. There's so much going on on the field, TV can't even begin to do it justice.

As for the game, well the first half wasn't pretty. The defense played really well despite giving up 4 touchdowns. In reality, only one of those came off a sustained drive by the Cleveland offense. They got the other three thanks to the Big Ben int deep in Pittsburgh territory and a 91 yard kickoff return by Josh Cribbs that gave them a first and goal and another Cribbs return for a TD. In all, Cribbs had 40 more return yards(204) than the Browns entire offense was able to get(163). The pass rush continued to be mediocre, and they didn't get a single sack. LeBeau seemed to be more concerned with preventing the big play rather than getting to Derek Anderson. Polamolu was playing back in coverage most of the game and rarely blitzed. The plan worked though as they kept Braylon Edwards to only one catch in the game(but holy shit was it a good one) and Kellen Winslow to just 46 yards.

The offense left more to be desired. They were unable to punch it in the endzone and had to settle for three field goals to go into half time with a 21-9 deficit. The mood was somber at halftime, but soon picked up as it became obvious in the 2nd half that the Browns were going to have trouble scoring any more points. Ben and the offense soon found their groove too, and Ben passed for two touchdowns and a two point conversion and rushed 30 yards on 3rd down for another score. He set up one of his TD passes with another 3rd down run to give the Steelers a first and goal.

It was an extremely tense 4th quarter. After Roethlisberger ran for a 30 yard score to put the Steelers up, the Josh Cribbs took the ensuing kickoff 100 yards after muffing it to put the Browns up again and temporarily silence the crowd. On the next drive Ben took the good guys down the field for the go-ahead score, and after a Romeo Crennel screw up on the challenge of the scoring play, the Browns were left with only 1 timeout and had to settle for a 53 yard field goal attempt in the worst kicking endzone in the NFL. The kick fell short and the Steelers were victorious and opened up a 2 game lead in the AFC North.

Out of fear of jinxing the Steelers, I will avoid mentioning that with the
Colts loss on Sunday(Viniateri misses a 29 yard game winner? WTF?), the
Steelers are now the #2 seed in the AFC by virtue of a tiebreaker over the
Colts.

The trip home was uneventful other than having to spend 17 hours in airports and on planes thanks mostly to a 6 hour layover in Minneapolis. With 6 hours, it was going to be impossible to avoid using the restroom, but I was able to avoid getting arrested for gay sex buy following three simple rules:

• Keep your stance as narrow as possible: At the very least you should keep your feet in your own stall.
• Keep your toe-tapping to a minimum: If it helps, maybe turn off your ipod for a few minutes.
• Watch your hand-placement: The most important thing to remember here is to keep your hands above the bottom of the stall wall

In the event that your stall neighbor starts tapping his feet and reaching under your stall, stay calm and calmly tell Senator Craig that your not gay. If you've got a few minutes to spare, maybe take the time to ask Senator Craig why he's so determined to kill off all the salmon and steelhead in the Pacific Northwest. And I don't care if the Larry Craig jokes have been beaten into the ground, because conservative republicans having gay sex in airport bathrooms will always be funny.