2008 NFL Mock Draft

Everybody else has got a mock draft. I wouldn't want my 2 readers to feel left out.

Miami: LSU - the entire team. Send all the current Dolphins down to the SEC(they should be able to manage a 3rd or 4th place finish).
St Louis: Erika Jensen - The Rams won Super Bowl XXXIV with a former grocery store clerk, and Kurt Warner didn't even win a grocery bagging trophy.
Atlanta: Ingrid Newkirk - She can probably throw as well as Michael Vick, and she's nicer to dogs
Oakland: Amy Winehouse - She won't even have to dress up to fit in with the Raider Nation
Kansas City: Chris Long, Virginia - The Chiefs go after another bad ass DE. With Long on one side and Jarred Allen on the other, the Chiefs pass rush will be unstoppable. Shit!
New York Jets: no pick - The Mangenius is tired of getting booed every year for his draft pick. Not this year.
New England: George W. Bush - If you get caught illegally spying, the best course of action is to just make it legal. Problem solved.
Baltimore: Erik Olsen - If anybody can get this geriatric defense back to the Super Bowl, it's the President of the AARP
Cincinnati: Dr. Phil McGraw - Marvin Lewis turned down the two first round draft picks that the Redskins offered him for a player he doesn't expect to play this year(Chad Johnson). For what? Just to teach him a lesson? Somebody needs to sit these two down and straighten some shit out.
New Orleans: Kenny Phillips, University of Miami - The Saints aren't going to take a chance on another weak hurricane season and are bringing in their own (Miami) Hurricanes to give them something to play for.
Buffalo: Van Chancellor, LSU - The Bills are the only team to make 4 straight Super Bowls and lose them all. Van Chancellor and the LSU Lady Tigers have one-upped them by making 5 straight NCAA Womens Final Four appearances without making the Championship game. It's a match made in heaven.
Denver: Neil Flynn, Scrubs - Apparently nobody in Denver knows how to pick up the trash. Time to bring in a professional.
Carolina: More lesbian cheerleaders with violent tendencies - Seriously, that was awesome and really the only thing I remember about the Panthers over the last 5 years.
Chicago: Jack Daniels - Can Jack Daniels do for Kyle Orton what Gatorade did for Michael Jordan?
Detroit: DeSean Jackson, California - Matt Millen is positive they're one star receiver away from winning a Super Bowl
Arizona: Tedy Bruschi - If you're looking for a championship, bring in an aging brute who's past his prime. Just ask the Suns.
Minnesota: Tiger Woods - Have you seen Tiger's boat? No more paying to rent boats for your bye week sex parties.
Houston: Luigi - The Texans took a chance and took Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bush in the 2006 Draft and it paid off. This year Texans owner Bob McNair gets confused and goes after who he thinks is Williams' brother.
Philadelphia: Calais Campbell, Miami - Donovan McNabb forces this trade after management is unable to convince him that Calais isn't actually related to the Campbell's Chunky Soup people.
Tampa Bay: Bruce Springsteen - The Boss had two hits with "Pink Cadillac" and "Cadillac Ranch". Does he have what it takes to get Cadillac Williams back to 2005 form?
Washington: Song Girls, USC - The Redskins are a perennial contender for hottest cheerleaders in the NFL, but you don't stay that way without going after the top up-and-coming talent.
Dallas: Michael Vick, Leavenworth Penitentiary - They already got Tank Johnson, they got Pacman Jones. If they can get Chris Henry from Tennesse they'll get a bulk discount on lawyer fees
Pittsburgh: Jaleel White - Maybe he can loan Santonio Holmes and Jeff Reed some suspenders to keep their pants on. Seriously guys, pants on.
Tennessee: Colt Brennan, Hawai'i - Sure they already have Vince Young, but coming from Hawai'i, Colt can probably get some kick-ass weed. And if you got him on the payroll, he's less likely to snitch to the cops.
Seattle: The Sonics - The only way the Seahawks are gonna get a championship banner to hang in the stadium any time soon
Jacksonville: Marcus Howard - The Georgia DE was the MVP of the Sugar Bowl. And when life hands you (Cleo) Lemon, you're gonna need some sugar to make lemonade.
San Diego: Barry Bonds - He's currently unemployed so you can probably get him cheap, and as Shawne Merriman has shown, the Chargers don't have a problem with steroid use.
Dallas: pick traded to Tennessee for Chris Henry - cause Jerry Jones is fucking crazy. Tennessee takes Jarious Jackson from the CFL's BC Lions. Another QB they don't need, but now they've got the Tennessee ganja market cornered between Colt Brennan's Maui Wowee and Jackson's BC Bud. If they can ever find somebody from Humboldt State they won't even need to sell tickets to make money.
San Francisco: Some gay guy - Not that there's anything wrong with that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with 32 different jokes for one post?
Green Bay: Shane Stant - The Packers need somebody to take out Aaron Rodgers so they can convince Favre to come back.
New York Giants: Tiki Barber - They won the Super Bowl without him, imagine how good they'd be with him.