Blazers fight to the end, lose opener to Spurs

The Blazers lost their season-opener to the defending champion San Antonio Spurs last night 106-97. They didn't look too bad, and were right in the game at the end. Brandon Roy had a pretty bad night, but LaMarcus Aldridge and Martell Webster both had solid nights. The Blazers have been waiting for Webster to step up and show he can play up to his abilities, and last night he took a big step towards that. Even Joel Pryzbilla had a solid outing with 13 points and 10 rebounds. Pryzbilla also made 5 of 6 free throws, which is a very promising sign as that's been a very weak part of his game. As I've said before, the Blazers aren't going to be anywhere as bad as people have been saying since Oden went out for the season. If Coach McMillan can get them comfortable in their new faster paced offense they should have a pretty decent year, although the playoffs are a longshot playing in the West. Their 17 turnovers last night should come down drastically as they smooth out their offense. They're also going to need to get more aggressive on defense, they're not playing real cohesively on that side of the ball quite yet.

There is alot of talent on this team, but there are a lot of question marks going into this season. I would expect them to improve on last years record of 32-50, but not by much. We're going to need Roy to stay healthy, Pryzbilla to toughen up a bit, and Travis Outlaw and Webster to shoot consistently.

Brett Favre Wins in OT!

That was quite the QB fellatio-fest last night. We even got a lesson in finance when they determined that seeing Brett Favre on Monday night just once was enough to pay for at least half of your brand new plasma screen tv. And that was before Brett won the game in OT with an 82 yard TD to Greg Jennings. Imagine if the Packers played every Monday night. I could afford one of these bad boys. I'm not sure that Kornheiser and crew would have given more kudos to Favre and Jay Cutler if they had saved the world from a giant asteroid by parking a spaceship 80 yards away and hurling football-shaped nuclear warheads at it.

Weekend Recap

B. Roethlisberger: 19/26 - 230 yds - 2 TDs, 1 Int
W. Parker: 126 yds on 22 rushes

I didn't see the Steelers game on Sunday since CBS and Fox felt that I'd be more interested in watching the Raiders/Titans and Giants/Dolphins matchup, but really all you gotta do is look at the those two lines in the box score anytime you want to see if the Steelers won or not. It's not very often that you'll get a loss when Big Ben complete 70+% of his passes for more TDs than picks and Parker pounds out over 100yds, and this week was no different. Can't say I'm excited by the fact that the defense didn't record a single sack, but they put up that W, so I won't complain too much. The win gave them a full game up on the Ravens and the Browns in the AFC North, which should increase over the next weeks when the Steelers host the Ravens next Monday night, followed by another home game against the Browns.

The Patriots continued their dominance, putting the beatdown on the Redskins to the tune of 52-7. To make matters even worse, they(the sports television people) didn't show a Sunday night game, so instead I had to watch the Boston Red Sox complete their sweep of the Rockies in the World Series. It took all of 30 seconds for me to start getting text messages from annoying Boston fans, and all of about 32.7 seconds for me to turn my phone off. If there is a God, A-Rod will not sign with the Red Sox and the Patriots will fall to the Colts next week in what is apparently the most important game in the history of the NFL. The Colts set up the battle of the unbeatens by overcoming their short week to best the Testaverde-led Panthers.

Overall, it was a mediocre-at-best Sunday of football, but I did good on the betting portion of the weekend, missing out on only the 3-team teaser thanks to the Giants being unable to score a single point in the second half. Seriously you pussies, you're playing the Dolphins. You take a 13-0 nothing lead into halftime and you can't beat a measly 4 point teaser spread against the Dolphins?

Tonight we get a prime time Favre showing, as the Packers head off to Mile High to take on the Broncos. I can't believe I picked the Broncos in my Friday picks. What the hell was I thinking? I'd say there is a 75% chance I end up looking like a dipshit by the time this game is over.

The Hunt for Red Suxtober

It's a shame There's Only One October, because maybe if they had a couple more the Rockies might have a chance at winning this thing. The Rockies dropped game 2 last night 2-1 to fall behind 2 games to none. On the bright side, the Series now goes back to Denver where the Rockies should be helped out by the home field advantage. While the big field and altitude - the thin air puts less resistance on pitches and results in drastically less movement from breaking balls - will affect both teams, the Rockies should be more used to it since they play 81 games a year there. The Red Sox will face another disadvantage as well. Playing in the NL park, they will not be able to use the DH, and as a result, David Ortiz and his bum knee will likely be relegated to pinch hitting.

I do have to give props to Boston's Jacoby Ellsbury who stole second base in the 4th. Even though he later scored to provide the winning margin, the stolen base earned everyone in America a free taco courtesy of Taco Bell as part of their "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion. Don't worry, you don't have to actually steal the taco, just show up at any Taco Bell on October 30th, between 2-5pm. I know, Taco Bell tastes like ass, and you'll probably spend more in gas money driving to Taco Bell than the taco is worth, but it's the principle of the matter.

This weekend is a big one for the Steelers. A win keeps them a full game up on the Ravens, while a loss will tie them up for first in the AFC North, and with the Browns playing the
Rams, it could potentially be a three-way tie. Thankfully, the Bengals have not been looking much better as off late, and their defense is still struggling.

Another poor week in the picks last week, going just 5-9 overall(and dropping below .500 for the season) and 1-3 on the money picks. We're gonna get back above .500 on Sunday. It's all about the PMA - Positive Mental Attitude

Browns -3 over RAMS - holy shit, did I just pick the Browns as a favorite? What is this world coming to?
Giants -9.5 over DOLPHINS - NFL London style. The Dolphins are technically the home team, but considering the Dolphins players didn't know they spoke English in London or that there were black people in London, I gotta go with the Giants here.
VIKINGS +1 over Eagles - What the hell, lets ride the Purple Jesus to victory
BEARS -5 over Lions - Gotta go with the home team here
Raiders +7.5 over TITANS - meh, whatever
Jaguars +3.5 over BUCS - The Jags defense steps up big this week, as long as Quinn Gray doesn't screw up too badly they should be fine
Bills +3 over JETS
CHARGERS over Texans - no line on this one with the fires going in SoCal
Redskins +17 over PATRIOTS - The Patsies can't go 16-0 against the spread can they? Sooner or later Vegas is going to overshoot the spread, I think it happens this week. Patriots by 10.
BRONCOS -3 over Packers - Broncos biggest weakness is their run defense, luckily for them the Packers don't have a run game to speak of.

Season: 46-47-9

Money Picks*

Steelers -3.5 over BENGALS - Don't fuck this up Pittsburgh, the Bengals suck even worse than the Broncos
Colts -6.5 over PANTHERS - Hey if the Colts are good enough for Gregg Easterbrook, they're good enough for me
Saints -2.5 over 49ERS - Saints might actually be getting back on track a bit. The 49ers porous defense should help speed things along.

3 team road teaser(NOTE: all lines have been teased by 6 points)

Giants -3.5 over DOLPHINS
Jaguars +9.5 over BUCS
Bills +9 over JETS

Season: 11-16

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Steelers lose, I hate Boston

That was disgusting. Listen, I love the fact that the Steelers are trying to let Big Ben open up the passing game a bit, but when you're playing the leagues worst run defense, why in the hell does Fast Willie only get the ball 3 times in the first quarter? Especially when Ben was getting harrassed relentlessly every time he dropped back. O-Line...how bout picking up a block or two on passing plays. Just because Ben is pretty good at escaping rushers, doesn't mean you just let them go by you. The defense wasn't much better. You're not going to win many games letting opponents convert on 70% of third downs. That included two 3rd-and-14 conversions on a single drive that finished with a touchdown. And way to pressure Cutler too, Most of the time he didn't have a pass rusher within 3 yards, either the Broncos have developed some sort of space-age force field that fits in Cutlers helmet and keeps defenders at bay, or the Steelers rushers played like shit. Maybe you guys should spend a little less time listening to the writers that are trying to put you on the same tier with Indy and NE and a little more time playing good football. That being said, the second half offense looked pretty good.

In "teams that didn't suck" news, the Patriots are fucking good! These guys look completely unbeatable right now. It's ridiculous watching them, they make plays that just leave your jaw hanging. As much as I hate the Patriots, it's hard not to enjoy watching them play. Even the announcers were speechless at times in the first half. Brady and Moss don't even look like they're trying anymore. Moss is in triple coverage? Doesn't matter, just have Brady toss it up somewhere within 25 yards of him and a touchdown becomes an almost certainty. Its only the 7th game of the season and Moss is already #2 on the all-time list for touchdown catches in a season. And I wouldn't even be that surprised if Brady breaks Peyton's touchdown pass record by week 12.

Unfortunately, the Red Sox also beat the Indians on Sunday to complete their comeback and earn a berth in the World Series. Between the Red Sox, the Patriots, and the revived Celtics, it would seem the Boston sports community have sold their collective souls to devil in exchange for some extra douchebaggery and talent. It's not just the pro teams either, Boston College moved up to #2 in this weeks BCS rankings. The bandwagon Boston fans are multiplying like rabbits. Something needs to be done to start the cleansing. Would Boston be flooded if all the polar ice caps melted? Maybe we should organize a field trip up to the Arctic Circle with some blowtorches. We can all drive our Hummers and private jets. Yeah it might fuck up the world beyond repair, but do you really want to live in a world where Boston wins the World Series, Super Bowl, and has a decent shot at making a run a the NBA Championship too? Although on second thought, they'd probably just move inland. At least now most of them are in concentrated in New England. Maybe if we could arrange for Tom Brady, David Ortiz, and Kevin Garnett to all simultaneously tear an ACL. We'd probably see so many mass suicides that it would take years for the population to recover.

That didn't last long

Less than one week after becoming everybody's BCS Cinderella darling, the South Florida Bulls were handed their first loss last night by unranked Rutgers. Rutgers pulled out a 30-27 win behind a fake punt for a first down and also took a fake field goal in for a touchdown.

The Cleveland Indians also gave up a game to the Bosox as their lead in the ALCS fell to 3-2. Cleveland brought out the big guns to try and mindfuck Boston starter Josh Beckett by getting his ex-girlfriend, and country music hottie, Danielle Peck to sing the National Anthem before the game. Anybody who's ever dated knows a trick like this can go one of two ways: Either Beckett gets flustered and nervous and gets absolutely destroyed by the Cleveland hitters, or, in order to make the ex regret walking away, he gets psyched up and throws his best stuff all night long. Unfortunately for Cleveland, and Boston haters the world over, Beckett didn't let this ploy get in his head and threw 11 k's in 8 innings while only allowing 5 hits and 1 run. Beckett has started both Boston wins so far in the ALCS.

In other baseball news, Yankees manager Joe Torre refused the Yankees offer of $5 million to manage the pinstripes for another year. After taking the Yanks to the playoffs all 12 years he was at the helm, maybe there just wasn't enough challenge in New York anymore. If Torre wants a challenge, there's an opening in Pittsburgh. Hell, all you'd have to do is win 80 games and you'd be a city hero. Think about it Joe, think about it.

The NFL has a couple solid games this weekend to go along with alot of crapfests. Pittsburgh travels to the mountains to take on Denver in Mile High, in a Sunday Night rematch of the 2005 AFC Championship game that sent the Steelers to their first Super Bowl since 1995 and their first title since 1979. Beginning of this year, this game was a serious cause for worry, but the Broncos have struggled this year, with their only 2 wins coming by way of last second field goals against Oakland and Buffalo. Denver will have their star pothead/babymaker Travis Henry, but he should struggle against the staunch defense Pittsburgh is playing this year. Denver has also been giving up alot of yards on the ground, which could lead to another big day for Fast Willie.

The MNF game is another good matchup as the underappreciated Jaguars will try to prove they're one of the AFC elite as they welcome the Colts to Jacksonville in an AFC South matchup. Indy's improved defense should prevent a rematch of the 375 yard rushing yards beatdown the Jags put on Indy last fall on way to a week 14 44-17 win. And although the game will definitely be closer, the Jags have an excellent chance at getting another win on Sunday.

Onto our picks. Last week we didn't do so hot, going just 4-7-2 overall. Actually, that's downright pathetic, but luckily on our gambling picks we went 3-1 with the only loss coming from the shit sandwich the Cardinals served up against the Panthers and their senior citizen QB. I'm also counting the teaser as a win, even though the Rams failed to cover. When I went to place the bet though, the Rams were not available as teaser game, so I had to settle for a smaller payout on the 2-team teaser which ended up coming through for us.

Falcons +8 over SAINTS - Nothing about the Seattle game convinced me the Saints have gotten any better, the Seahawks just really really suck
GIANTS -9 over 49ers - The Giants are playing really well right now, they're looking like they could be an NFC contender this year
REDSKINS -8.5 over Cardinals - The Redskins are looking good, and the Redbirds are onto their 3rd string QB with Leinart and Warner both hurt
TEXANS +1 over Titans - The Texans have been slumping, but I think they turn it around against the Titans and the banged up Vince Young
Ravens -3 over BILLS - How bad are the Ravens this year? We're about to find out
COWBOYS -9.5 over Vikings - Big win for the Purple Jesus and the Vikings last week, but I think the Cowboys bounce back after getting a beatdown from the Patsies last week
JETS +6.5 Bengals - The Bengals are looking a last place AFC North finish right in the face, I'll take the points
Bears +6 EAGLES - These two teams have been up and down all year, so again I'll take the points
Rams +8.5 over SEAHAWKS - Holmgren is going to single-handedly set walruses back 10 years in their struggle for coaching equality
JAGUARS +3 over Colts - I don't know, I just have a feeling. Other than Tampa, the Colts haven't really impressed me much

Season: 41-38-9

Money Picks*

Patriots -16.5 over DOLPHINS - Patriots have covered the spread in every game so far this year. What makes you think anything is going to change against the shitty Dolphins
BUCS +2.5 over Lions - This one seems like a no brainer, which scares me a bit, but we're doing it anyway
RAIDERS -2.5 over Chiefs - Priest Holmes might play for the Chiefs after 2 full years out for a neck injury. I don't think he does anything the Raiders can't stop though
Steelers -3.5 over BRONCOS - I know, I know. Never bet on your own team, but Pitt shouldn't have any trouble covering this spread

Season: 10-13

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Doug & Doug

Alot of you may have seen Doug & Doug over at KSK. For those of you who haven't, here they are. The only fantasy football report worth listening too.

Vinny's Back!!

Vinny Testaverde failed to take my advice to heart, and in just 5 short weeks has blown his entire retirement savings betting on my advice. Lucky for him, the Carolina Panthers have two very shitty and very hurt quarterbacks on their roster, and have agreed to give him a job for the next year or so. At age 43, Testaverde has been playing in the NFL for 20 years and the Panthers are the 7th team he has played for.

Steelers are off this weekend, taking a bye to recuperate from the first 5 weeks of the season before heading to Mile High next weekend to take on the slumping Broncos in the Sunday Night game.

I don't have much this week, so I'm giving you a halftime sandwich. It's the Modified Ursus: Peanut butter, mayo, sweet onion, tomato, sharp cheddar, and bacon stuffed onto white bread. Don't be afraid of the PB & mayo combo, it might sound a little weird, but man up and give it a shot. You'll be rewarded. This is a delicious sandwich, even if you don't have any ganja left in your official Michael Vick Water Bottle.

Last week we had another poor showing on the picks, and missed several games by just a couple points, including the Cardinals giving up a late touchdown and 2-point conversion to the Rams to miss the spread by a measly half point. This week we're gonna ride a few road dogs again and see if it gets us anywhere.

Eagles -3.5 over JETS
Titans +3 over BUCS
Texans +7 over JAGS
Rams +10 over RAVENS
BEARS -5 over Vikings
PACKERS -3 over Redskins
Bengals -3 over CHIEFS
Raiders +10 over CHARGERS
SEAHAWKS -6.5 over Saints
Giants -3.5 over FALCONS

Season: 37-31-7

Money Picks*

CARDINALS -4.5 over Panthers
BROWNS -4.5 over Miami
Patriots -5.5 over COWBOYS

3-team road teaser(note: all lines have been teased by 6 points)

Patriots +0.5 over COWBOYS
Rams +16 over RAVENS
Titans +9 over BUCS

Season: 7-12

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

In future news, Travis Pastrana is dead

I totally stole that joke from a Jimmy Fallon Weekend Update joke a few years back, but it's fitting. Earlier this month Travis Pastrana flew to Puerto Rico to jump out of a plane from 12,500 feet. Oh, and he wasn't wearing a parachute.

four members of his group skydived from a single-engine Cessna from 12,500 feet. Pastrana performed his jump wearing only sunglasses, socks and surf trunks while holding a can of Red Bull.

He was not wearing a parachute.

WTF!! It's not even like he and his buddies got shitfaced on absenthe and cocaine and got a hair up their ass and decided to give it a shot. No, this crazy m-fer has been planning it for an entire year!! He actually thought about it for a year and then still decided it was a good idea, plus managed to convince 3 more experienced jumpers(oh yeah, did I forget to mention that Pastrana only has a beginner skydiver rating and only about 100 jumps under his belt) to save his life. By the time he jumped, he'd known the other jumpers for less than a week.

So to recap, Travis Pastrana is fucking crazy!

Belichick a Gambler??

I'm just saying, you're up by 10 with a minute left and the Patriots go for it on 4th a goal from the 5. No big deal until you remember the spread was 17 points. But the real question is whether Browns tight end, Kellen Winslow bet on the Patriots too, or if Belichick just had some dirt on him? One play after the Patriots fail to convert the 4th down, Winslow fumbles a completed pass that the Patriots returned for a touchdown to push(or cover if you got a generous bookie) the spread.

Steelers also picked up a huge 21-0 win against the Seahawks, even more impressive considering they had 4 key starters(Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, Troy Polamalu, and Casey Hampton) out with injuries. Now they've got two weeks to get healthy before traveling to Mile High to take on the Broncos. Davenport had two touchdowns, and even pulled off the "Heinz Hop", which he learned while playing in Green Bay with the Lambeau Leap. Although it wasn't really a hop, more of a "Heinz struggle to climb your chunky ass up endzone wall." I've got no complaints though, as long as he gets in the endzone, he can do whatever he wants to celebrate. The defining moment was the Steelers opening drive of the second half. 80 yards in 10+ minutes, and they kept the drive going through 3 big holding calls, including 2 that brought back big gains. The secondary absolutely shut down the Seahawks pass game, even though they were missing Polamalu and third cornerback Bryant McFadden. Big Ben looked fantastic, completing 13 straight passes at one point. While he was missing his top 2 receivers, he did great looking mostly to Heath Miller and Cedrick Wilson. Willie Parker also got back in the groove with 102 yards on the ground.

The defense was dominating. I already mentioned the secondary, but everyone looked solid in the shutout, holding Seattle to 144 total yards. The only disappointing moment was Ike Taylor who dropped two potential interceptions. He still ended up with one that kept the Seahawks from scoring at the end of the first half though, and his coverage was airtight, so I can't complain too much.

Bad News for the Steelers

Hines Ward is officially out, and neither Troy Polamalu or nose tackle Casey Hampton practiced all week and are game-time decisions. In addition cornerback Bryant McFadden is out as well.

Ward is not as big as concern, but Polamalu and Hampton not playing would not be good for the defense, and McFadden, even though he's only the 3rd cornerback on the depth chart, is one of the best coverage men they have.

Marijuana causes pregnancy??

You remember those old anti-drug commercials that said something like "Marijuana causes pregnancy" in an all sinister-like voice? I always thought they were bullshit, but it turns out there might be something to it. Or at least that would explain some of Travis Henry's problems. The Denver running back, and the NFL's leading impregnator with 9 children by 9 different women, tested positive for marijuana in a drug test. He faces up to a 1-year suspension, but is suing the NFL to prevent them using the drug tests to suspend him. I know Roger Goodell is trying to lay down the law on NFL offenders this year, but I think it would be in everybody's best interest if Henry wasn't suspended. Not only does he need the money for child support, which has to be a staggering bill, but literally every minute he spends off the football field could seriously hurt the already troubling world population problem.

Now onto this weeks games. It's a big weekend in the Copperhouse, as the Steelers and Seahawks face off in their first match-up since Pittsburgh dropped Seattle in Super Bowl XL. Be prepared for the Sea-turkeys to bitch and moan about every little call when they lose again this weekend, I'm sure they'll be in good practice since most of them still haven't quit bitching about their loss 2 years ago. We should see a good day from Willie Parker as Seattle's defense has been giving up over 100yds rushing/game. No word yet on whether Hines Ward will be playing this weekend, but Ben will be looking to get back on his game after a disappointing performance last weekend.

We had a pretty solid week last week, going 9-5, but only went 2-4 on the money picks. We barely missed a 3:1 payout on the 4 team teaser thanks to the Steelers getting Whised on by the Redbirds. We ended slightly up though when we added to our Monday Night bet on the Patriots.

Home team in CAPS:

PATRIOTS -17 over Browns
SAINTS -3 over Panthers
GIANTS -3.5 over Jets
STEELERS -6 over Seahawks
Lions +3.5 over REDSKINS
Falcons +8.5 over TITANS
Bucs +10.5 over COLTS
Chargers +1.5 over BRONCOS
49ERS +3.5 over Ravens
PACKERS -3.5 over Bears
Cowboys -11 over BILLS

Season: 31-24-6

Money Picks

Cardinals -3.5 over RAMS
TEXANS -6 over Dolphins
Jaguars -2 over CHIEFS

Season: 6-10

OJ's fake Rolex confiscated

Apparently Ron Goldman's collection agent picked up OJ's Rolex only to discover that it was a counterfeit and more or less worthless.

Pittsburgh Injury Report

Defensive starters Troy Polamalu and Casey Hampton are expected to start on Sunday against Seattle after they both left the Arizona game injured. Matt Spaeth should also be back after missing two games with a bruised quad. That should upset Heath Miller fantasy owners since Spaeth has been hijacking some of his scores, but you know what? Kiss my ass, a score's a score, and I don't give a shit about your fantasy team.

The Steelers are still not sure about Hines Ward, and he is listed day to day and we'll have to see how his knee feels during practice. Cornerback Bryant McFadden will also miss the game, and as much as a month with a severly sprained ankle. McFadden isn't a starter, but is the primary backup. He will be replaced in extra-db situations by either rookie William Gay or Ricardo Colclough(who insists his last name is pronounced Coke-lee, despite all evidence against it). McFadden's absence could be a factor, but Gay showed some promise in preseason, so we'll have to see.

Big Ben also bruised his foot when it was stepped on last Sunday, but is not expected to miss any time.

Whisenhunt takes down the Steelers

That game sucked. When you're a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, even when you lose, you're not used to seeing your team get out-toughed, especially by the frickin Cardinals. I don't want to take anything away from the Arizona defense, but it was painfully obvious that Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm built that Steelers offense from scratch. They knew our weaknesses, they knew our blocking schemes, and they knew what it took to stop us and they executed. Neither team played very well, but even with the lead, the Steelers never looked like they were the best team. Meanwhile the Cardinals showed the country something they never have before...grittiness and toughness. Injuries hurt us bad(no pun intended), with Hines Ward out the entire game, Roethlisberger was without his go-to receiver and when Troy Polamalu left in the second half, the defense had trouble stopping the Kurt Warner/Matt Leinart combo. On the plus side, those weaknesses were exposed early. Tomlin and Arians can now address those and we can get back on track next week against the Seahawks before going into a bye week.

We've made it through the first four weeks of the season, so today we're going to update the Copperhouse Power Rankings.

1. Patriots - The Patsies have been absolutely dominating teams and Brady is loving his new talent at WR. Right now they look unbeatable, so obviously they must be cheating.
2. Colts - They haven't been nearly as dominant as New England, but their defense is still solid and Joseph Addai is running really well
3. Cowboys - We'll see if Romo can avoid another late-season letdown, but the Cowboys look really good
4. Packers - The only other team in the NFC that is playing really good consistent ball. Brett Favre looks like the old #4
5. Steelers - Until Sunday, they were an easy #3 in the rankings. We'll have to see how they do against the Seahawks to know if the Arizona game was a fluke or if something more is wrong
6. Seahawks - They're looking better, but they have some problems in the run game. The entire team looks pretty lackadaisical at times
7. Titans - The rushing game is looking really good, and the defense is holding up its end of the bargain
8. Buccaneers - Everybody knows Cadillacs are shitty cars that break down all the time. If Michael Pittman can't step it up, the Bucs will fall hard
9. Lions - Holy shit, the Lions are in the top 10. Head to the bunker, the world is ending
10. Jaguars - The offense is going to have to put up more points if they want to make a run, but the defense is keeping them in the game so far
11. Ravens - You thought I was kidding when I said before the season the defense was getting old. Somebody get those boys some walkers
12. Texans - until last weekends let down, they were in the top 10. If they can get healthy, this team is going to make the playoffs
13. Cardinals - They're defense looked pretty solid last week. Was it just because Whisenhunt knew what to expect from the Steelers, or are they actually improving?
14. Broncos - 2-2, and could easily be 0-4 except for Jason Elam. This week they face off against the Chargers in a fight for the biggest disappointment in the AFC West
15. Giants - Eli is starting to look like he knows what he's doing out there
16. Browns - Showing signs of improvement. If Anderson keeps playing like this, Brady Quinn won't see the field for awhile
17. Eagles - I swear man, if that McNabb was white I wouldn't be nearly as disappointed in that shitty ass game he played
18. 49ers - Gore is going to need to start doing better, and the passing game has been disappointing at best
19. Raiders - This team looks to have started to turn things around. In the suddenly shitty AFC West, they actually have a chance to make the playoffs
20. Redskins - meh, whatever
21. Chargers - LT can't do shit, Philip Rivers looks lost, and Norv Turner is an idiot. At least they won't have to worry about losing in the first round of the playoffs when they're sitting on the beach in January
22. Chiefs - Even with the win over the Chargers, I can't put them above San Diego yet
23. Bears - Moving to Griese over Grossman didn't change anything, this team is in free fall
24. Panthers - You're gonna have to beat somebody besides the Rams and the Falcons to move up in the rankings
25. Falcons - good win against the Texans last weekend, we'll see if Harrington can keep improving
26. Bengals - Wow, that defense looks bad when they can't get turnovers. With Rudi Johnson out, the offense isn't going to be able to keep up
27. Saints - talk about falling fast, a preseason Super Bowl team, the Saints now just trying to get a win. With McAllister out for the season, it doesn't get any easier from here on out
28. Bills - Finally got a win on Sunday, but it was against the Jets. So much for them being better than expected this year
29. Jets - J - E -T - S Jets Suck!! At least they didn't just blow a 7 game lead or have their coach convicted of sexual harrassment
30. Vikings - QB troubles eating this team alive, and the secondary hasn't improved much from last year
31. Rams - Even with Steven Jackson, this team would be struggling to get a win
32. Dolphins - Good news, Ricky Williams is applying for reinstatement to the league. Since he's still under contract with the Dolphins, he'll be able to provide them all with some kick ass herb to ease the pain of this season