The Sports Guy's on Tilt

Bill Simmons has fucking lost it. He's pulling out all the stops in an attempt to beat his wife at picking the NFL games. She smoked him last year and he chalked it up to a fluke. So he brings her back knowing deep in his heart that she can't beat him again, and guess what? She's beating him again. It's only Week 4 and he's panicking and doing crazy stuff like guaranteeing a 9-5 week while doing nothing but picking the home teams(except for his beloved Patriots and taking the Broncos with points against the Colts). He's been talking all year about how good Seattle is in the NFC and then won't even pick them as a measly 2 point favorite. He fell into the classic "The Cardinals are good on paper, they've got to be good on the field" trap and picked them to not only cover against Pittsburgh, but beat them by a touchdown. He's betting against Brett Favre and on the Browns. The Browns? I've been talking as much as anybody about how the Ravens aren't the team everybody thinks they are, but they can beat the damn Browns by 5 points. He's even sticking with his sunken sleeper pick Atlanta over the team he's one win away from switching his sleeper pick to. When the Falcons lose to the Texans on Sunday, you can bet on a "Texans are my new sleeper" article from Simmons next week. He's already down by 4 games to his wife, and he's lucky she's only picking 3 games different this week. For the record, he's still one game up on me, so really I have no room to talk. But I will anyway, because that's the beauty of the internet. I won't be held accountable for anything I say.

Non-NFL Related News!

Rumour(see how I put that 'u' in there? I think it spices it up a bit) has it that Portland Trailblazer #1 pick Greg "Gramps" Oden named his new pup Charles Barkley McLovin'(they've been enjoying alot of movies lately). Perhaps one of the coolest dog names ever.

In his first public appearance since finding out he'd needed microfracture surgery and would miss the entire season, Oden assured everyone that he did not hurt his knee playing Dance, Dance, Revolution, but admitted to owning the game. Joking with reporters, Oden claimed to be "19 going on 52" and was upbeat about his recovery, even saying he was hoping to improve his vertical to over 40" by the beginning of next season. Oden is still on crutches, but is already rehabbing the repaired knee in a pool and using a CMP machine to improve his range of motion.

Paying the [Bookies] Rent!

Steelers travel to the desert this weekend for a coaches reunion show against Ken Whisenhunt's and Russ Grimms redbirds. The Black & Gold is favored by less than a touchdown, which is nothing more than a sign of Vegas' continued enamoration with former canned soup stacker Kurt Warner. I'm not worried, Kurt Warner IS WHO WE THINK HE IS! Both teams will likely be missing their top receiver in Hines Ward(knee) and Anquan Boldin(hip), but I see that as hurting Arizona a whole lot more than it will Pittsburgh.

Last week was a rough week, and we only went 5-7-3 on the games, but we did manage a 2-2 on the gambling picks. We should have been 3-1 except the Redskins decided to play like pussies against Eli 'Fetus Head' Manning in the second half. This is the week where we should start seeing things making a little more sense. The good teams are starting to seperate themselves from the shit teams and we should get on a roll. I'm also gonna start occasionaly throwing out some fancy-ass bets like parlays and teasers and shit for the board. We're rolling with alot of road teams this week, and even a couple of the dreaded road dogs, so be careful. Without further ado, here they are. Home teams in CAPS.

Raiders +4 over DOLPHINS
BILLS +3.5 over Jets
Ravens -4 over BROWNS
COWBOYS -13.5 over Rams
LIONS +3 over Bears
Seahawks -2.5 over 49ERS
Bucs +3 over PANTHERS
CHARGERS -12 over Chiefs
COLTS -10 over Broncos

Season: 22-19-6

Gambling Picks*

Steelers -6.5 over CARDINALS
Packers -3 over VIKINGS
Texans -3 over FALCONS
Eagles -3 over GIANTS
Patriots -7.5 over BENGALS - Another bad line here, even before I found out Rudi Johnson was out this week. The Bengals non-existent defense is going to have a long long day.

4-team Teaser(note: all lines have been teased by 6 points)
Raiders +10 over DOLPHINS
Steelers -0.5 over CARDINALS
COLTS -4 over Broncos
Patriots -1.5 over BENGALS

Season: 4-6

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

The Streak is Over!!

The USA Women's soccer team streak of games without a loss has ended at an amazing 51 games. USA fell hard to Brazil in this mornings semi-final match 4-0 after coach Greg Ryan made a controversial decision to start Briana Scurry at goalie instead of Hope Solo. Scurry hadn't played a full game in 3 months, and after giving up two goals in the first game, the much hotter(see below for comparison) Solo hadn't given up a goal in 300 some minutes. USA will play Norway for 3rd place on Sunday.

Briana Scurry

Hope Solo

Show Me The Money!!

Is the end in sight? According to new team president Frank Coonelly, the Pirates may be adding significantly to their historically low payroll, saying "we're going to do what it takes to turn this franchise into a winner." Don't expect any major increases immediately though, Coonelly also said he didn't see any reason to spend that kind of money now with their roster, but that "in terms of going forward, when the pieces are in place, and when adding payroll dollars at the major league level are going to put us over the top, that commitment is going to be there."

The Pirates had the fourth lowest payroll in the majors this year at just $38.6 million. It is by far the lowest in their division, trailing the next lowest, the Reds($69.1 million), by more than $30 million, and the Cubs($99.9 million) by more than $60 million dollars.

Last night, the Pirates, who seem to have been mailing it in the last few weeks, finally broke their season high 9 game losing streak against the Diamondbacks.

Drew Brees...Your Dead to Me!

Drew! get your ass over on the fantasy bench and try to figure out the difference between your receivers and the opposing cornerbacks. You're done, if you're lucky, you might get a second chance in a few weeks when Philip Rivers has a bye. But that's a big might considering you're just as likely to get negative points these days. Rivers! Get your goddamn helmet and get on the field. You're starting. I'm sorry it took so long. Even with your great performance Sunday, I went into Monday's game confident. After all, how could I not be. Drew Brees carried me to last years championship game. He had shown signs of improvement in Week 2, getting me a win. Here I was after Sunday's game, down by only 6 points. My opponent only had LenDale White playing. Surely Brees would have no trouble whatsoever outscoring White by 6 points. Not when you're playing at home with the love and support of all of New Orleans cheering you on. So much for that.

New Pirates GM

The Pirates have finalized the hiring of Cleveland Indians executive Neal Huntington as their new GM. He has been with the Indians since 1998, with alot of background in scouting and personnel evalution. That will be a nice change from Littlefield who's draft and trade decisions were the laughingstock of the league. No I'm serious, other GM's were literally laughing at him in meetings. This ESPN.com article reports that "Littlefield's failure to protect some top prospects and keep marginal ones led the Pirates to lose five of the top six picks in the 2005 winter-meeting draft, resulting in audible laughter in the New Orleans hotel meeting room." Jeebus man, he gets laughed out of a draft meeting by his peers and it takes two years to fire him?