It's Back

It's here. It's almost too soon. I've barely had time to recover from season one, but Bret Michaels is desperate for love, and there is another batch of hair-band whores ready to do anything, and I do mean anything, to be #3 in the threesome with Bret and that hard core bitch of a mistress Rock-n-Roll. So on Sunday, while you're on the sofa recovering from two drunken days of NFL playoff action, basking in the silvery glow of the television reflecting off of empty Rainier tallboys, use some of that last bit of energy to change the channel over to VH1 for the first episode of Rock of Love 2. This is what your mother was talking about when she warned you that TV would rot your brain, and it is glorious. Besides, what else are you going to watch? American fucking Gladiators?

Fuck, speaking of American Gladiators, that was fucking awful. I heard the bad reviews, but still I thought "Well of course its bad, thats what's going to make is so awesome." I was confident that it would be intensely entertaining, if only for the unintentional comedy. I was wrong, it is indescribably unwatchable. I couldn't even make it through the first episode. I tried though, god I tried. When I saw Hulk Hogan flexing and admiring his reflection in the camera lense while Laila Ali was talking I thought maybe. Then we got the contender introductions. The only possible explanation for these ridiculously sappy sob stories, is that they told these people they were actually going on Oprah. I still had hope though. After all, this had been a staple of my young television life. Even now, the reruns on ESPNClassic have aged gracefully and still offer an hour of solid entertainment and a time machine to simpler times. Then Hulk began interviewing contenders without questions! I don't know if this is an effect of the writers strike or not, but holy shit, every time Hulk opened his mouth I cringed. By the time we lost a contender to injury(in fucking powerball no less! at least go down in something cool like joust or breakthrough and conquer) and had to listen to her bawl about letting her kids down, I had given up all hope. I stuck around long enough to watch a gladiator go down to injury as well before turning it off and canceling all future tivo recordings.

That being said, I would still do dirty dirty things to Crush.

Edit: MMA Takedown has the photos from Gina Carano's (aka Crush) recent Maxim shoot

Penguins Flying High

See what I did there? It's funny because Penguins can't actually fly.

Other than the Winter Classic, I haven't mentioned the Penguins much the last few months, partly because they hadn't been playing all that well, and partly because there were more exciting things going on, like the NFL and the red-hot Blazers. But the Steelers...well we know what happened to the Steelers, and the Blazers streak ended(although after losing the one, they have since won 3 straight again). But the Pens have a bit of a hot streak going as well. Back on December 7th, Pittsburgh goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury left the game in the first period after suffering a high-ankle sprain and many wondered if the Pens, who were already playing below expectations, were in trouble. The Pens however, weren't going to let this get them down, and have since won 10 of 14, including 7 straight. While a big part of that has been their great offensive play, we expect that. With young skaters like Sidney Crosby(last years MVP and this years assist leader), Evgeni Malkin, and Jordan Staal, we know the Penguins can score points. But now we can add goaltending to the list of things the Penguins are kicking ass at, namely because of Ty Conklin, who in just his first year in Pittsburgh, won again last night, beating the Panthers 3-1. With the win, Conklin improved to 8-0 in games he's started this season, and Pittsburgh improved to 42-24-16, just one point behind New Jersey in the Atlantic division. For the season, Conklin has allowed just 1.88 goals per game (compared to Fleury's 2.9 and Dany Sabourin's 2.69) and maintained a .941 save percentage(compared to .902 and .904 for Fleury and Sabourin).

This just in: The Big 10 is still no good

And in future news, Ohio State is ranked #1 in the 2008 preseason college football rankings. When will they ever learn.

I'll be honest, after OSU opened up a 10-0 lead early in the first quarter, I was a little worried about the beer money I had riding on the game. Was it possible that LSU was even more overrated than OSU? Was this LSU team going to collapse under the pressure of playing from behind with the National Title on the line? Ummm, nope. An interception and a blocked field goal and 31 unanswered points later and the Buckeye's were all but done. Despite coming into the game as the nations top ranked team and the nations best defense, OSU once again suffered an embarassing Championship game loss at the hands of an SEC team. After last years 41-14 beat down by Florida, their 38-24 loss to LSU might not look so bad, but after a 24-10 halftime deficit, OSU was never even in the hunt, despite a garbage time touchdown at the end when they were down 21.

With any luck the polls will get the picture and OSU won't start 2008 off ranked #1, but I wouldn't count on it. As a bonus, the guys over at Fanhouse wondered What if the BCS ran the NFL?

That's all she wrote...

3 interceptions and a blown kick coverage led to an 18 point deficit in the second half for the Steelers, but even then the game came down to just a single play. A 4th-and-2 with less than 2 minutes left after 2 David Garrard picks(even Ike Taylor managed to not drop an interception, but destiny was only teasing us) allowed the Steeelers to take 29-28 lead. A stop here and the game is over. Unfortunately for Pittsburgh, the Jags line opened a big hole(with the help of some pretty blatant holding I might add) and Garrard went 32 yards for the first down to set up a Josh Scobee field goal that gave them the lead with just 37 seconds left. A Big Ben sack and fumble removed any chance for another 4th quarter comeback and for the first time in team history, the Steelers lost twice at home to the same team in the same season, in a gut-wrenchingly similar game to the one they lost to the Jags 29-22 just a few short weeks ago. With the victory, the Jaguars earned a date with destiny as they travel to Foxboro to take on the Patriots next week.

Despite the early and disappointing end to the Steelers season, they did manage to claim their fist AFC North title in 3 years. Pretty impressive for Mike Tomlin's first season as a head coach at any level of the game. Especially considering they also lost their offensive coordinator(Ken Whisenhunt) and offensive line coach(Russ Grimm) to Arizona. There were plenty of bright spots though, especially on offense. Like Ben's resurgence as a franchise quarterback despite 47 sacks(I guess we could've used ole Russ Grimm back) in the regular season. And Wille Parker leading the league in rushing before breaking his leg in week 16. They will need to address some serious concerns with the offensive line(likely about to get worse with the departure of Alan Faneca to free agency) in the offseason. The pass rush will also need some work, although they do have two promising rookie linebackers in LaMar Woodley and Lawrence Timmons who will only get better.

In the other playoff games, the Seattle defense almost blew the game as they let the Redskins erase a 13 point 4th quarter lead. Luckily they got the two touchdowns back with the help of a couple pick-sixes from Todd Collins and the Seahawks won 35-14(Did the Redskins lost by 21 points to honor Sean Taylor? we may never know) to stay alive in the race to Super Bowl XLII. They'll have to get past the Packers on the frozen tundra next week to do it though. The Giants picked up a win on the road behind a solid Eli Manning performance(I never thought I'd hear those words spoken about a playoff game) and will travel to Dallas to take on the Cowboys. Do you realize that Eli is 8-1 on the road this year? Maybe the Giants should build their home stadium somewhere else. In other "wait...they won it behind their quarterback?" news, the Chargers beat the Titans 17-6 despite only 42 yards rushing from Tomlinson. Philip Rivers 292 yards thru the air gave the Chargers their first postseason victory in 13 years.

If there is any bright spot to the weekend, it's that I went 3-1 in the picks, with the only loss coming from the Titans losing by 11 on a 10 point spread. Even the Steelers were able to cover the spread despite losing. We even won our money pick despite betting on Eli Manning in the playoffs.

And so it begins

Here come the playoffs! After just 17 short weeks, we are now just 11 games away from another long offseason with no football(unless you count 27 mock drafts a week from ESPN).

SEAHAWKS -3 over Redskins: As good as the Redskins have played over the last few weeks, playing at Seattle is a different environment. He's done a good job the last few weeks of not relying on Shaun Alexander too much, but will the Seahawks be able to keep it up in January when the pass game doesn't come as easy. There is talk of Holmgren retiring after the season(like most walruses, he just wants to relax on the beach and eat fish), so we'll see if he can go out with a bang.
STEELERS +3 over Jaguars: I'd be willing to guess that the Steelers have never been underdogs at home in the first round of the playoffs, but after the beating the Jags gave them a few weeks ago(and that was when they had Willie Parker) I'm surprised it's only a 3 point spread. The injury report for the Steelers is discouraging, with tackle Marvel Smith, DE Anthony Smith(no relation), Parker, and tackle Max Starks among the starters that won't be suiting up. In addition Troy Polamalu is doubtful and Ben and Allen Rossum questionable. Two years ago the Steelers snuck into the playoffs as a 6 seed and walked away with the Lombardi Trophy, partly by beating the Colts, who only a few weeks earlier had destroyed the Steelers in their regular season matchup. This time its the Jaguars they seek their revenge against, and despite being a 4 seed, their job looks to be significantly harder this year.
Titans +10 over CHARGERS: A month ago the Titans lost a heartbreaker in overtime to the Chargers and now they're 10 point underdogs? I think the Chargers probably win again but the Titans will keep it close.

Money Picks*

Giants +3 over BUCS: Eli Manning on the road, as underdogs, in January. This has about as much chance of success as one of the Spears sisters raising a well-adjusted child(exhibit A). Add to that the fact that Sean Salisbury and the rest of the ESPN analysts are talking up the Giants as an upset pick and I'm not sure why I'm still picking them, much less laying money on them. I do know this though, the Giants won in the Tecmo Super Bowl matchup despite only 118 yards and 2 interceptions from Eli. That's good enough for me.

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

NFL Predictions Revisited

As you may remember, back in August I predicted the final standings for the entire NFL. Now it's time to look back and see how I did. Overall I only got 5 team records exactly right, but I was within 2 wins on nearly half(15 teams). I also managed to get 7 of 8 of the division winners right(missing the Bucs in the NFC South) and my Super Bowl winner(Chargers) is playing pretty good football right now. Unfortunately, thats where the good news ends. I didn't get a single wild card team right and my NFC Champion didn't even make the playoffs. If the Chargers can put together a miracle run and win the Super Bowl as predicted though, all will be validated. So yeah...I'm pretty much fucked. I can take slight consolation in the fact that Sports Illustrated had the Saints winning it all, and only correctly picked 4 division winners and 5 playoff teams.

In picking the games each week, I finished just 7 games under .500 for the season, meaning I was only slightly worse than a meth-addicted monkey flipping a coin. On the gambling picks we definitely left something to be desired, going just 30-38, including a 5-10 run at the end.

On to the prediction recaps...

AFC East

• Patriots: Actual Record: 16-0(Predicted Record: 12-4) - What happened? Randy Moss likes playing for a good team apparently. Spygate also let the Patriots play the "nobody respects us" card for most of the season, and the Patriots exceeded everybody's expectations. Plus the entire city of Boston sold their souls to the devil.
• Bills: 7-9(10-6) - The Bills were never able to get going. First they dealt with the devastating Kevin Everett injury and then various QB injuries. Marshawn Lynch had a great rookie year that was overshadowed by Adrian Peterson's even better one.
• Jets: 4-12(5-11) - Was pretty close on this one, other than I had the Dolphins finishing ahead of them. Whoops.
• Dolphins: 1-15(8-8) - Wow, seven wins off on this one and a Baltimore missed field goal away from being 8 wins off. Can't tell you what happened here. Only major injury was Trent Green, and there's no way he would've gotten them more than a couple more wins. The Dolphins just royally sucked it up this year. But the Big Tuna is in charge now, and it's time to clean house

NFC East

• Cowboys: 13-3(10-6) - Romo showed that he can play a full season of ball(while leading the league in smiles to boot) and the rest of the offense and the defense were good enough to bail him out when he made mistakes.
• Giants: 10-6(4-12) - Mostly the defense. Manning managed to put together a few more decent games than I would've expected. Tom Coughlin also managed to avoid his usual December meltdown. If Eli can hold up, they could easily get past the Bucs in round 1.
• Redskins: 9-7(6-10) - The Redskins were on pace until they got hot at the end of the season and won 4 straight. The loss of Sean Taylor probably allowed this team to come together and play like a team better than they have in the past. Seattle is a little worried about these guys right now.
• Eagles: 8-8(5-11) - Their schedule ended up being weaker than I expected, plus McNabb managed to make it through the season without a major injury and he played all but two games. Westbrook had another outstanding year

AFC North

• Steelers: 10-6(12-4) - Both the offensive and defensive lines struggled all year(KSK's Christmas Ape blames Sean Mahan), allowing for losses to shitty teams like the Jets and the Cardinals. As much as I'd like to say they're going to pull it together in the playoffs, it will probably be a short January for the Black and Gold
• Browns: 10-6(4-12) - Wow, I don't think anyone saw this coming. It was quite the year for Oregon State alumn from Scappoose, Oregon. Sara Jean Underwood scored the Playboy Playmate of the Year, and Derek Anderson pulled off a 10 win season for the Browns.
• Bengals: 7-9(10-6) - Mostly I forgot that the Bengals just aren't that good.
• Ravens: 5-11(9-7) - For one thing they waited a year to long to fire Billick. The quality of defense deteriorated more than I accounted for and was unable to offset the predictably inept offense.

NFC North

• Packers: 13-3(9-7) - Brett Favre. Between his amazing play this year and a more experience supporting cast, the Packers and the Cowboys easily separated themselves from the rest of the NFC. Makes me want to buy me some wranglers and split a cord of wood.
• Vikings: 8-8(8-8) - How bout that, I nailed this one. These guys played out pretty much as expected, with a solid run game and a mediocre and inconsistent passing game. And the exact same on defense as well. With the amazing play of Purple Jesus, expect Chester Taylor to be starting somewhere else next year. He's too good to be a backup.
• Lions: 7-9(6-10) - This was looking to be another ridiculously bad call when they were 6-2. Then the Lions we know and love showed up for the second half of the season.
• Bears: 7-9(9-7) - I don't know why I picked a team to finish above .500 when their QB depth chart is Grossman, Griese, Orton.

AFC South

• Colts: 13-3(11-5) - The Colts definitely didn't suffer any post-Super Bowl slump, and despite injuries to key players like Marvin Harrison and Dwight Freeney, became one of the few teams to improve their record after a Super Bowl win.
• Jaguars: 11-5(7-9) - Garrard played nearly mistake free ball all year and Fred Taylor managed to stay healthy. That and a suffocating defense has this team on a serious roll right going into the playoffs.
• Titans: 10-6(10-6) - Woohoo, got another one here. Despite playing in the toughest conference in the league, the Titans still managed to sneak out a wild card spot.
• Texans: 8-8(8-8) - Damn, two in one conference. Texans only won twice against playoff teams, but they are showing signs of improvement. By the way that silence is the sound of no one wondering why the Texans took Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bush.

NFC South

• Bucs: 9-7(4-12) - Who woulda thunk that a 37 year old QB and a 36 year old receiver would lead the Bucs to a division title. Until they lost two straight to finish the season, they were looking like serious trouble for the NFC contenders.
• Panthers: 7-9(8-8) - The Panthers probably consider this season a success considering the QB problems they had. They started Vinny Testaverde in multiple games for God's sake.
• Saints: 7-9(11-5) - No excuses for the Saints, if they can manage a 10-6 season and a trip to the NFC Championship game a year after Katrina they should have easily won their division this year. The Saints made me look like an idiot doubly this year as I picked them to win the Super Bowl and I started Drew Brees for most of the year on my dismal fantasy team.
• Falcons: 4-12(5-11) - Wow! The Falcons had about the worst year you can imagine with the Vick fiasco and then their head coach pulling a Nick Saban and announcing he was quitting by post-it note before the season was even over.

AFC West

• Chargers: 11-5(11-5) - 6 weeks ago it looked like my other Super Bowl pick was going to miss the playoffs too, then Norv saw some highlights from last year and decided to give LT a shot and the Chargers pulled of 6 straight and #3 seed in the playoffs.
• Broncos: 7-9(10-6) - Jay Cutler didn't have a bad year, but a shoddy defense doomed the Broncos.
• Chiefs: 4-12(10-6) - The usually strong AFC West was absolutely horrible this year. The Chiefs couldn't do anything all year.
• Raiders: 4-12(3-13) - Some people(I won't mention names) were convinced the Raiders were going to make a run at the playoffs this year. I wasn't convinced, but I would be curious to see what this team might've done if JaMarcus Russell hadn't held out during training camp.

NFC West

• Seahawks: 10-6(10-6) - This team could have been 12-4 if Holmgren hadn't tried to rely on a washed up Shaun Alexander so long.
• Cardinals: 8-8(9-7) - Like the Panthers, given the QB problems the Cardinals have got to be happy with a .500 season, especially with a new coach.
• 49ers: 5-11(4-12) - Rookie LB Patrick Willis was amazing this year, but a poor year from Frank Gore and the offense doomed this team from the start.
• Rams: 3-13(9-7) - Injuries to Stephen Jackson and the offensive line, combined with Marc Bulger playing like shit kept the Rams from doing anything, even in the poor NFC West.

R.I.P. 2007

Here's what you missed while you were drinking yourself into oblivion(New Years Eve) and recovering from a brutal champagne and whiskey hangover(New Years Day)

• Despite a career high 36 points from LaMarcus Aldridge, the Blazers were unable to extend their streak to 14 games Monday night and lost to the Jazz 111-101. Despite their 13 game win streak, the Blazers are still only 3-10 on the road, while the Jazz are 11-3 at home. The Blazers are in Minnesota tonight to take on the T-wolves in what will hopefully be their 4th road win of the year.
• Rock of Love with Bret Michaels and Shot at Love with Tila Tequila are back already for their second season so there will be no shortage of so-shitty-it's-awesome reality tv in 2008.
• Robbie Maddison set a new world record in Las Vegas for a distance jumped on a motorcycle. 40 years to the day after Evel Knievel crashed while attempting a 151' jump over the fountains at Caesars Palace, Maddison landed a 322' jump over a football field, breaking the old world record of 307'. Immediately after the first jump, Maddison decided to try again, and once again landed safely, but was unable to beat his first jump.
• In the NHL's first outdoor hockey game since 2003, the Penguins scored just 21 seconds into the game, but still needed a Sidney Crosby shootout goal to beat the Buffalo Sabres in Buffalo.
• Michigan proved once again it is the only Big 10 team capable of beating an SEC team in a bowl game when they beat Florida 41-35 in the Capital One Bowl. The nice thing about bowl games is that there are so many teams to follow, the public tends to rely on polls and the opinions of sports writers a little too much. This forces Vegas to push lines way out of whack to keep the betting even. This was a perfect case. All anyone remembers about Michigan this year is that they lost to App. State so the public gave them no chance against the defending champion Gators. At 10.5 point underdogs, Michigan was almost a sure thing. Since sure things aren't nearly as much fun though, I took it a step further and picked Michigan outright and despite their best efforts to throw the game away with red zone turnovers, Michigan finished on top and earned me a 3.3:1 payout.
• In another example of a mis-informed public giving us a great betting opportunity, we look at the Sugar Bowl between Hawaii and Georgia. This was one of the rarer cases of the public pushing the line toward the favorite. Everyone had convinced themselves that undefeated Hawaii got a raw deal by not getting to the National Championship game and were undoubtedly going to do to Georgia what Boise State did to Oklahoma last year and I got a great line of only 8.5 points.
• More on Hawaii. I know we all like to see these cinderella stories work out like they did last year with BSU, but lets be honest, that was a fluke. Yes Boise was good last year, but even against a seriously overrated Oklahoma team last year, they needed 3 trick plays and ALOT of luck to win that game. Hawaii this year was nowhere near as good as that BSU team and Georgia was an extremely good SEC team that snuck in under the radar this year(they had a legitimate claim to play the title game). Until the lesser conferences like the Mountain West start scheduling - and winning - non-conference games against the BCS conferences like the SEC, PAC10, Big 10, and even Big East, putting them in the National Championship game is like putting a JV team in against a varsity team in a high school state championship just because the JV team went undefeated against all the other JV teams.
• LSU by 4.5 points is the latest line in the title game next monday. I'll be seriously surprised if LSU doesn't roll over Ohio State by at least 10, and it'll probably be by at least 17.