Copperhouse Dance Party

The Derby Winner is...

2008-05-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

After re-reading my earlier Derby post, I realized that I completely copped out and never actually picked a winner. I'm going with Court Vision to take it all, and to make up for the trying to hide behind 6 picks, here are some cheerleader pictures:

Bust out the Bourbon

2008-05-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

It's Kentucky Derby time, and that means lots and lots of mint juleps.

Fresh mint leaves
white sugar
bourbon(might I suggest the official derby bourbon: Early Times)

Add a few mint leaves, a couple teaspoons of sugar(if you want to get fancy or you're in a bar, use simple syrup instead), a little bit of ice, and then muddle the shit out of it. Pour in a couple fingers of bourbon, fill with ice and add a sprig of mint as garnish. Enjoy and repeat as necessary. After one or two, its perfectly acceptable to forgo the mint and sugar and just drink the bourbon straight like a real man.

OK, now that we're good and drunk, it's time to partake in the other Kentucky Derby tradition: gambling. While there is no doubt that there are some people that are able to make a living betting on horses and actually know what they're doing when they pick winners(I am not one of these people), the 1st Saturday in May is when everyone else(thats us!) also lays down their bets based on complex formulas derived from methods such as which horse has the coolest name and my personal favorite, throwing darts at a board(only after several mint juleps of course, we're not amateurs here people). Here's the field and their odds, starting from the inside position:

Cool Coal Man (20-1)
Tale of Ekati (15-1)
Anak Nakal (30-1)
Court Vision (20-1)
Eight Belles (20-1)
Z Fortune (15-1)
Big Truck (50-1)
Visionaire (20-1)
Pyro (6-1)
Colonel John (4-1)
Z Humor (30-1)
Smooth Air (20-1)
Bob Black Jack (20-1)
Monba (15-1)
Adriano (30-1)
Denis of Cork (20-1)
Cowboy Cal (20-1)
Recapturetheglory (20-1)
Gayego (15-1)
Big Brown (3-1)

Historically, most of the winners come from the inside half of the track. Since 1900, positions 1 and 5 have been the best, with 12 winners each, but no one has won from the #1 position since 1986. #4 and #10 are next best with 10 winners each. The outside positions are at a clear disadvantage, with positions 17-20 combining for only 2 wins in Derby history. Other good positions are #2 and #8(9 wins apiece) and #3 and #7(8 wins apiece).

The favorites this year are Big Brown and Colonel John. Alot of people just put their money on one of the favorites, assuming the odds makers know more than they do. This is a mistake. Yes the favorites win occasionally, but they also get poor odds, so you'll rarely make any money betting the favorite every time. Don't get me wrong, Big Brown especially is a beast of a horse, but he's inexperienced with only 3 races under his belt(although he won all three, including the Florida Derby). He's also getting a poor pole position, starting from the far outside at position 20. It's been 79 years since a horse won from position 20(and even longer since a horse with only 3 races has won the Derby). He also has had the occasional trouble with cracked hooves, which hasn't slowed him down yet, but Saturday will be the first time any of these horses have gone the full 1 1/4 mile in a race. Combine all that with only getting 3-1 odds, and it's a poor value. You could put your bet on 6 different horses getting 20-1 odds and you'll be getting better odds overall AND have 6 different chances to win. Plus Big Brown sounds like a euphemism for a turd. I ain't betting on anything named after a turd.

Colonel John is getting slightly better odds at 4-1 and actually has a really good pole position(#10) and has a great pedigree for the longer distances and is pretty good safe bet, but if I wanted a safe bet, I'd put my money in CD and go fishing Saturday. We're looking for big money.

Pyro is another safer bet at 6-1. And if you're looking for the media darling, it will probably be the only filly, Eight Belles. There hasn't been a filly in the field since 1999, and only 3 have ever won. Eight Belles definitely has a shot at it, and has proven herself by winning her last 4 races. If she doesn't get to intimidated by the boys, she can do it, but her competition up to this point has been questionable, and I'm just not feeling her.

So here are the horses I'm looking at laying money on*:

Tale of Ekati(15-1) - Great pole position and finished strong to win his final prep race, the Wood Memorial. Since 1970, The Wood Memorial champ has gone on to win the Derby 10 times. More than any other prep race except the Florida Derby. Ekati is also what they call a Dual Qualifier, which means he has a Dosage index of less than 4.0 and weighted on the Experimental Free Handicap within ten pounds of the highweight. What does all that mean? I have no fucking clue, but it's supposed to be a good thing.
Court Vision(20-1) - Has never finished worse than 3rd in his 6 starts and has 3 wins. He can finish great and is also Dual Qualifier. Great pole position at #4.
Z Fortune(15-1) - Good sleeper pick here at the #6 spot
Monba(15-1) - We're getting into the bad part of the pole here, but Monba got a major win at the Blue Grass Stakes and has a great pedigree for the Derby distance.
Denis of Cork(20-1) - Won his first three starts before faltering in his last prep race and finishing fifth. Great pedigree, and is being ridden by last years winning jockey. I'm not real big on Denis of Cork, but I'd still say he's better than a 20-1 shot.
Gayego(15-1) - The #19 spot has never won the Derby, but Gayego is a strong horse. Spent most of his career racing on synthetic surfaces, but won the Arkansas Derby on April 12 while racing on dirt for the first time. The Arkansas is another race that has produced alot of great horses(Curlin, Afleet Alex, and Smarty Jones in recent years). Gayego has never finished worse than second, and is being ridden by Mike Smith who won the 2005 Derby with 50-1 longshot Giacomo. If he was in the first 10 positions, Gayego would probably be my favorite.

Right now Tale of Ekati, Court Vision, and Gayego are my favorites, and Denis of Cork is my least favorite. I really expect the winner to come from this group though. Once you have your pick, don't be afraid to hedge it with some bets on the other horses. When you're getting 15 or 20-1, a couple smaller bets on your 2nd or 3rd choices can mean the difference between losing money and making money.

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Big Night for Malkin

2008-04-30T08:46:00.000-07:00

Only 10 times in NHL history has a team won their first 7 playoff games of the year. After last nights 5-3 win over the Rangers, the Penguins are number 11. In what will almost certainly jinx them, I also need to mention that 8 of those teams went on to win the Stanley Cup.

It wasn't the prettiest game, and the Penguins high-octane offense spent most of the game back on their heels in their own defensive zone. And while the Rangers controlled most of the game, outshooting the Pens 39-17, Pittsburgh came out on top, thanks to some ridiculously good work in the net by Marc-Andre Fleury and some not so good work by Henrik Lundqvist who gave up 5 goals on those 17 shots. Despite the Rangers continuosly peppering Fleury with pucks, they were still 0-5 on power plays, including two 5-on-3's in the second period. I'm not a hockey expert by any means, but it seems to me a team that makes it to the second round of the playoffs should be able to score some goals when they have a 2 man advantage on the ice. The Penguins on the other hand converted both of their power plays with goals by Evgeni Malkin, who had been announced as a Hart Trophy candidate just hours before. And while only 2 other NHL teams have been able to come back from a 3-0 deficit to win a series, Rangers Captain Jaromir Jagr still hasn't given up:

"I have a very funny feeling about this series. It's not over. It's just my feeling. I don't know how many believe me, but we'll see."

Coincidentally, the last NHL team to erase a 3-0 deficit was another NY team, the Islanders, against the Penguins. Nontheless, we'll see how Jagr's feeling after the Penguins put the final nail in their coffin Thursday night, in what Jagr is saying could be the last game of his career.

Edit: NY Rangers winger, Sean Avery, was hospitalized last night with a ruptured spleen. He was apparently hurt after taking a hit in the first period of last nights game and played the rest of the game with the ruptured spleen. Ain't that some shitty luck? Just as it looked like he might be able to get an early start on his summer internship at Vogue he has to go and get hurt. Seriously though, hope he's all right.

Now lets do it in New York

2008-04-29T10:50:00.001-07:00

The Penguins are f**king scorching. After easily sweeping the Ottawa Senators in round 1, they're sitting on a 2-0 series lead against former Penguin great Jaromir Jagr and his NY Rangers. Offense, defense, they're doing it all.

Their second round series didn't start great though. In game 1 last Friday, things looked bleak. Just 4 minutes into the 2nd period and the Pens were trailing 3-0 and struggling to stay in the game. Jarkko Ruuto and Pascal Dupuis put the game within reach with goals just 14 seconds apart in the middle of the 2nd, and early in the 3rd, Marian Hossa and Petr Sykora added two more just 20 seconds apart to put the Pens up. The Rangers managed to tie it, but with the home crowd behind them, the Penguins added an Evgeni Malkin power play goal with just 1:41 left to seal the dramatic comeback victory and hand the Rangers their first road loss of the playoffs. It wouldn't be their last.

Game 2 was a far cry from the offensive fireworks of game 1 as the two goaltenders combined to stop 56 of 57 shots. Unfortunately for the Rangers, the single missed save came courtesy of Henrik Lundqvist when Evgeni Malkin shed Ranger defenseman Marc Staal and flipped a pass to Jordan Staal(Marc's brother) who made a great puck move and lifted it over Lundqvist. The single goal would be all that the Pens needed for the victory, but Adam Hall added an empty net goal at the end of the game anyway.

Tonight will be a big game for both teams as the Rangers try to get their momentum back behind the home crowd of Madison Square Garden while the Penguins look to take a commanding 3-0 series lead.

Steelers Draft Recap

2008-04-28T09:08:00.001-07:00

I'll admit I was surprised at the direction the Steelers went in this draft. Despite obviously needing help on both lines, the Steelers used their first two picks on skill positions, taking Illinois RB Rashard Mendenhall in the first round and Texas WR Limas Sweed in the second. While I still think they should've done more to bolster their lines, they got great value with both players. Mendenhall was a projected top-15 pick, so when he fell into the Steelers lap at #23, he became a no-brainer. At 5'10" and 225 lbs, he'll add some power inside running to compliment Fast Willie Parker's outside speed. Mendenhall ain't no slouch in a footrace either though, putting up low 4.40's in the 40, mere hundreths of a second behind Parker's times. He can also block, and can catch as well, although Illinois didn't use him much to catch balls out of the backfield.

Limas Sweed was another great value pick. Easily one of the top 3 receivers in the draft and projected by most to go in the first round, he also fell to the Steelers who snagged him late in the 2nd round with the 53rd pick. Sweed will bring the size to the WR spot that Big Ben has been looking for. With the Steelers receiver production doing a nosedive once you get past Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes, he'll also provide some much needed depth at the position. He's not the fastest guy on the field, but at 6'4" and 212 lbs, he should be a nightmarish matchup for alot of cornerbacks. His senior season was cut short with a wrist injury that ended up needing surgery, but Coach Tomlin is confident that that isn't an issue. Ben is no doubt excited about this pick.

The 3rd and 4th rounds were more of what I was expecting from the Steelers, with UCLA DE Bruce Davis coming in the 3rd. Davis isn't big enough to play DE in the NFL, but shouldn't have a problem transition to outside linebacker in Dick LeBeau's 3-4 defense. The Steelers have successfully converted several other undersized DE's into great linebackers like former Pro Bowlers Joey Porter and Greg Lloyd, and current backers Clark Haggans and James Harrison. Davis has good speed and is 2nd in UCLA history with 29 sacks. He should be able to immediately contribute on special teams and provide some depth at linebacker.

In the 4th round, director of football operations Kevin Colbert finally got Ben some protection up front with Texas OT Tony Hills. With only one OT signed after next season, drafting at least one offensive linemen was a necessity, and Hills coaches think he is better than his former teammate Jonathan Scott, who is now playing in Detroit. Hill has been hampered by numerous injuries in his young career and likely won't be a contributor for at least a year or two.

The 5th round pick came as quite the surprise as the Steelers took Oregon QB Dennis Dixon, despite already having a solid backup to Big Ben in Charlie Batch. They may be thinking that Chaz Batch won't be sticking around much longer, or they might look to groom Dixon into a slash-type WR similar to the way they used Antwaan Randle El. He's still rehabbing the ACL he destroyed last fall, but is extremely athletic and a good value for a 5th rounder. On the downside, he wasn't good enough to start over Kellen Clemens at Oregon.

In the 6th and 7th round, the Steelers got some more defensive guys with inside linebacker Mike Humpal out of Iowa and free safety Ryan Mundy out of West Virginia. Both these guys will probably only make the team as special teamers, but could also see some time on defense as the Steelers aren't very deep at ILB and had some obvious problems at safety(I'm looking at you Anthony "Guarantee" Smith).

I don't pretend to have any sort of talent at judging which college players will become great NFL players, but overall I'm satisfied with the draft. I would have liked to see some more linemen taken, but like Coach Tomlin said, “There are two schools of thought to protect a quarterback, You can get linemen, or you can get him weapons.”

2008 NFL Mock Draft

2008-04-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

Everybody else has got a mock draft. I wouldn't want my 2 readers to feel left out.

Miami: LSU - the entire team. Send all the current Dolphins down to the SEC(they should be able to manage a 3rd or 4th place finish).
St Louis: Erika Jensen - The Rams won Super Bowl XXXIV with a former grocery store clerk, and Kurt Warner didn't even win a grocery bagging trophy.
Atlanta: Ingrid Newkirk - She can probably throw as well as Michael Vick, and she's nicer to dogs
Oakland: Amy Winehouse - She won't even have to dress up to fit in with the Raider Nation
Kansas City: Chris Long, Virginia - The Chiefs go after another bad ass DE. With Long on one side and Jarred Allen on the other, the Chiefs pass rush will be unstoppable. Shit!
New York Jets: no pick - The Mangenius is tired of getting booed every year for his draft pick. Not this year.
New England: George W. Bush - If you get caught illegally spying, the best course of action is to just make it legal. Problem solved.
Baltimore: Erik Olsen - If anybody can get this geriatric defense back to the Super Bowl, it's the President of the AARP
Cincinnati: Dr. Phil McGraw - Marvin Lewis turned down the two first round draft picks that the Redskins offered him for a player he doesn't expect to play this year(Chad Johnson). For what? Just to teach him a lesson? Somebody needs to sit these two down and straighten some shit out.
New Orleans: Kenny Phillips, University of Miami - The Saints aren't going to take a chance on another weak hurricane season and are bringing in their own (Miami) Hurricanes to give them something to play for.
Buffalo: Van Chancellor, LSU - The Bills are the only team to make 4 straight Super Bowls and lose them all. Van Chancellor and the LSU Lady Tigers have one-upped them by making 5 straight NCAA Womens Final Four appearances without making the Championship game. It's a match made in heaven.
Denver: Neil Flynn, Scrubs - Apparently nobody in Denver knows how to pick up the trash. Time to bring in a professional.
Carolina: More lesbian cheerleaders with violent tendencies - Seriously, that was awesome and really the only thing I remember about the Panthers over the last 5 years.
Chicago: Jack Daniels - Can Jack Daniels do for Kyle Orton what Gatorade did for Michael Jordan?
Detroit: DeSean Jackson, California - Matt Millen is positive they're one star receiver away from winning a Super Bowl
Arizona: Tedy Bruschi - If you're looking for a championship, bring in an aging brute who's past his prime. Just ask the Suns.
Minnesota: Tiger Woods - Have you seen Tiger's boat? No more paying to rent boats for your bye week sex parties.
Houston: Luigi - The Texans took a chance and took Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bush in the 2006 Draft and it paid off. This year Texans owner Bob McNair gets confused and goes after who he thinks is Williams' brother.
Philadelphia: Calais Campbell, Miami - Donovan McNabb forces this trade after management is unable to convince him that Calais isn't actually related to the Campbell's Chunky Soup people.
Tampa Bay: Bruce Springsteen - The Boss had two hits with "Pink Cadillac" and "Cadillac Ranch". Does he have what it takes to get Cadillac Williams back to 2005 form?
Washington: Song Girls, USC - The Redskins are a perennial contender for hottest cheerleaders in the NFL, but you don't stay that way without going after the top up-and-coming talent.
Dallas: Michael Vick, Leavenworth Penitentiary - They already got Tank Johnson, they got Pacman Jones. If they can get Chris Henry from Tennesse they'll get a bulk discount on lawyer fees
Pittsburgh: Jaleel White - Maybe he can loan Santonio Holmes and Jeff Reed some suspenders to keep their pants on. Seriously guys, pants on.
Tennessee: Colt Brennan, Hawai'i - Sure they already have Vince Young, but coming from Hawai'i, Colt can probably get some kick-ass weed. And if you got him on the payroll, he's less likely to snitch to the cops.
Seattle: The Sonics - The only way the Seahawks are gonna get a championship banner to hang in the stadium any time soon
Jacksonville: Marcus Howard - The Georgia DE was the MVP of the Sugar Bowl. And when life hands you (Cleo) Lemon, you're gonna need some sugar to make lemonade.
San Diego: Barry Bonds - He's currently unemployed so you can probably get him cheap, and as Shawne Merriman has shown, the Chargers don't have a problem with steroid use.
Dallas: pick traded to Tennessee for Chris Henry - cause Jerry Jones is fucking crazy. Tennessee takes Jarious Jackson from the CFL's BC Lions. Another QB they don't need, but now they've got the Tennessee ganja market cornered between Colt Brennan's Maui Wowee and Jackson's BC Bud. If they can ever find somebody from Humboldt State they won't even need to sell tickets to make money.
San Francisco: Some gay guy - Not that there's anything wrong with that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with 32 different jokes for one post?
Green Bay: Shane Stant - The Packers need somebody to take out Aaron Rodgers so they can convince Favre to come back.
New York Giants: Tiki Barber - They won the Super Bowl without him, imagine how good they'd be with him.

On to Round 2

2008-04-18T10:07:00.000-07:00

Flash back to a year ago and you'd see the Penguins season ending in Ottawa with a loss to the Senators, capping a 4 games to 1 loss in the first round of the playoffs. Skip ahead to the last game of the regular season this year and you'd see Pittsburgh taking the ice against Philadelphia. A win against the Flyers would give them the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference and a first round matchup against Boston. A loss and they'd fall to the #2 seed and rematch against Ottawa. So the Penguins did what anybody would do and benched their star Sidney Crosby. The move and ensuing loss led many people, including the Ottawa coach, to speculate that the Penguins lost on purpose to set up a chance for revenge against the Senators. Whether that was the game plan or not doesn't really matter. What does matter is the Penguins made the Senators look like the Mighty Ducks...before Gordon Bombay taught them the value of teamwork and the flying V. It didn't take long for the Senators to see what was in store for them as Gary Roberts put one in the net just 68 seconds into the game. Petr Sykora added another first period goal on route to a 4-0 route of the Senators, and the Penguins never looked back, and finished the 4 game sweep in the same building where their season ended last year.

Sidney Crosby overcame a scoreless first game to finish with a team-high 8 points on 2 goals and 6 assists, and Evgeni Malkin was right behind him with 2 goals and 5 assists. Sykora was the goal leader with 3 as the Penguins outshot the Senators 161-112. It wasn't just offense though, goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury set a team record by allowing just 5 goals in the series. His .955 save percentage helped quell any playoff doubts Penguins fans had about the young goalie. Solid penalty-killing(Ottawa converted just 1 of 11 power plays) kept the Senators from ever having a chance, as they were outscored 16-5 while leading a total of just 4:28 in the series

It was the Penguins first sweep of a playoff series in 16 years, and the 4 wins improved Coach Michel Therrien's career playoff record to 11-10. The sweep will give the Pens plenty of confidence going into their second round matchup(likely against either the Rangers or the Flyers), but will also give them a week to rest, which will be especially welcome for Gary Roberts who didn't play the last two games of the series after suffering a sore groin.

Rip City is Back!!

2008-04-17T09:11:00.001-07:00

The Blazers lost their final game of the season last night, falling 100-91 to the Suns in Phoenix. Despite finishing with a loss, the season was, without a doubt, hugely successful. This is how they finished up their last home game on Tuesday night in a sold out Rose Garden:

When Greg Oden went down before the season, this team was written off, but instead they banded together behind Brandon Roy and still managed a .500 season despite untimely injuries to LaMarcus Aldridge, Brandon Roy, and James Jones. They nearly doubled their win total from two years ago(21 wins in 2005-06). Their 41 wins also showed a 9 game improvement from last year. Roy's leadership on this team earned him a spot on the 2008 All-Star team just a year after running away with the Rookie of the Year award. With Oden returning next year to join Aldridge and Roy, this team is set up to seriously contend for the title in the next couple years. Even in the dominate Western Conference, they will likely be one of the teams to beat next year. And unlike the Suns, Mavericks, and Spurs, the Blazers won't have to worry about aging stars for some time, as they were the 3rd youngest team in NBA History this year.

And if the players we already have weren't enough to get you excited, how bout the ones we don't have. Spanish phenom Rudy Fernandez should be joining the team after finishing off his contract with the Spanish national team. The Blazers also got a favorable ruling from the NBA concerning Darius Miles bum knee and were able to release him freeing up a ton of cap space and if they're able to unload Raef LaFrentz that will free up even more. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against Raef, but there's no way he's worth what he's being paid, especially when next year he's unlikely to be much more than a 3rd string center. That should give them the cap space to go after a premier point guard to run the offense for them. The contracts they've given out over the last couple years have led several people to speculate that the Blazers plan to go after Chris Paul when he becomes a free agent next year, and rumor has it they had several offers rebuked by the Toronto Raptors earlier this year in an attempt to bring in Jose Calderon. While we currently have 4 point guards on the roster, none of them have shown that they will be the multi-faceted point guard the Blazers are looking for. Steve Blake is solid on defense, but he's not great at pushing the ball up the court. Jarrett Jack is the best scorer, and Sergio Rodriguez is the best at running the pick-and-roll, but tends to turn the ball over alot. With those three getting most of the playing time, we didn't get to see much of what Von Wafer could do after we brought him in before the trade deadline in exchange for Taureen Green, but if one of these guys doesn't show that they can develop into a premier point guard in the offseason, expect the Blazers to go after a big name.

In the front court, things are looking even brighter. LaMarcus Aldridge turned it up a notch this year, especially in the second half of the season, and is turning into a dominant forward, and Oden and Joel Przybilla are going to be a fearsome 1-2 punch at center. Channing Frye is understandably excited after spending his first two seasons in the black hole of the Knicks organization, and has shown flashes of what he will become. Then there's Travis Outlaw who improved drastically this year and turned into one of the premier 6th men in the league this year, averaging 13 and 5 off the bench. James Jones is an absolutely deadly shooter(he was 6-7 from 3 pt range Tuesday, and finished the season 2nd in the NBA behind the arc), and is one of the most underrated players in the league, and the Blazers poor record while he was injured shows it. Martell Webster showed he can knock it down from long range as well.

Right now, the biggest problem for the Blazers that I see is their roster space. That should get straightened out in the next year as they figure out what direction they're going at point guard. Obviously Brandon Roy, Greg Oden, and LaMarcus Aldridge are unlikely to go anywhere. Outlaw and Jones are next on my list of people to keep, followed by Przybilla. I'd love to see Przybilla stick around, but depending on what happens next year with him and Oden, he may decide to go to another contender where he can start, and he'd definitely deserve it. Channing Frye and Martell Webster would be nice, but not critical to keep. At point guard, Blake is our best option right now, with Rodriguez probably having the brightest future. Von Wafer may stick around since he can also play shooting guard behind Roy. Anyway you look at it, the future is bright.

In tribute to our I-5 brethren up in Seattle, here's a tribute video someone put together, appropriately set to Johnny Cash's 'Hurt':

Thanks for nothing Goodell!

2008-04-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

The 2008 NFL Schedule was released yesterday and to paraphrase Roethlisberger on ESPN yesterday, if this was the BCS, the Steelers definitely wouldn't be the preseason #1. Based on last years records, they have the hardest schedule in the NFL, with their opponents combining for a .598 winning percentage. They will face 8 of the 11 teams that made the playoffs last year(the Steelers were the 12th playoff team), including all 5 of the AFC Playoff teams and both Super Bowl teams. They have road games against Jacksonville, Washington, New England, and Tennessee. Their home schedule isn't much easier with games against the Giants, Colts, Chargers, and Cowboys. There is also going to be limited morning boozefests, as they have only have 5 early games. They do get 5 games in primetime though(2 Monday Night games, 2 Sunday Night games, and a Thursday night game). At first glance, I have to say matching their 2007 record of 10-6 would have to be considered an outstanding success.

New England on the other hand, has the easiest schedule with their opponents 2007 records coming in at a measly .387 winning percentage and facing only 3 2007 playoff teams. What the hell? Belichick must have pictures of Goodell's wife blowing a goat or something.

With this brutal schedule, and Clevelands improvement last year, there is already talk of the Browns taking over as the top dog in the AFC North. Kinda like how everyone predicted the Bengals were going to do last year. I wonder how that worked out? Mondesishouse.com gives us a rundown of the 2008 Browns hype.

Channing Frye's Blog

2008-04-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

Last week in Bill Simmons links of the week, he had a link to Channing Frye's blog. For those that don't know, Frye is one of the newer Blazers that came over as part of the Zach Randolph exchange with the Knicks last year. He's been pretty solid this year, coming off the bench for LA and Przybilla, and getting some solid starts the last few games with Przybilla out. He's got some pretty funny stuff on there:

Talking about steroids and the report about the steroids bust involving a bunch hip-hop guys:

The whole “I can’t move my arms, I’m so big” look. Maybe the ‘roids help them with their music or their sport. Maybe that’s it. I could be confused — they might think that being that huge could get them girls. Guys: you’re rich ‘n famous already.

They wanted you any way you were.

And an excerpt from his review of the Alien vs Predator movie:

I went to see this movie because I really was like there is no way you can mess up this movie. Put the two aliens against the predators throw a few humans in there, let them die horribly, have a huge alien fight the best predator like cage match or something, give it a cool ending… simple. But no, really, the best analogy is like asking your mom or dad to make cereal and they mess it up - they give you a fork to eat it with and then they pour lemon juice in it to drink it

Monday recap

2008-04-14T11:34:00.000-07:00

I spent all weekend getting my white ass burnt to a crisp at the Portland International Raceway watching crazy ass fools whipping around at upwards of 170 mph on motorcycles. Pretty amazing how fast those guys jump back to their feet after biting pavement. I was pretty sure I watched one guy die. Anyway, here's another lazy ass updates post.

The Seattle Sonics won what is probably their last game in Seattle. Thanks to the underhanded dealings of owner(and David Stern's ~~good friend~~ personal dicksucker) Clay Bennett, Seattle's 41 years of NBA history will likely be moving to the NBA mecca of Oklahoma City.
Despite only one sub-par final round among the top 10 finishers(and none in the top 7), Tiger still couldn't make much of a threat on Sunday and finished 2nd behind South African Trevor Immelman
Immelman, who had only one previous PGA Tour win, had surgery to remove a benign tumor last December, and had missed the cut in 4 of his last 8 starts.
The Blazers got their 40th win Saturday night over the playoff-bound Mavericks. Its their 1st 40-win season since 2004. With a home game against Memphis on Tuesday before traveling to Phoenix for the season finale on Wednesday, the Blazers have an excellent opportunity to finish with at least a .500 record.
NHL Playoffs: Montreal leads Boston 2-1; Pittsburgh leads Ottawa 2-0; Washington tied with Philly 1-1; NY Rangers lead New Jersey 2-1; Detroit leads Nashville 2-0; Calgary leads San Jose 2-1; Minnesota tied with Colorado 1-1; Dallas leads Anaheim 2-0
In baseball action, the Diamondbacks have the top record at 9-3, while the Tigers are bringing up the rear at 2-10. The Pirates bounced back from getting swept by the Cubs(including 2 losses in extra innings) to sweep the Reds, and are sitting at 6-6.
After a clever Boston fan/construction worker buried a David Ortiz jersey in the concrete while working on the new Yankees stadium. The Yankees foiled the attempted curse, by digging it back up. No sign of Hoffa's body.

Yeah, but can she pick up a weak-side blitz?

2008-04-11T08:52:00.001-07:00

jacked from Mondesishouse

All Sports Updates

2008-04-09T09:34:00.000-07:00

Pat Summit won her 8th National Championship as coach of Tennessee as Candace Parker led the Volunteers to an easy victory over the drunken christmas trees of Stanford
The NHL Playoffs start tonight with four games. The Pens are out for revenge in a rematch of last years opening round series against Ottawa. This time they're the favorites.
Speaking of the Senators, A Canadian sportswriter is urging them to go after Sidney's ankle. Pittsburgh enforcer Georges Laraque replies: "That writer is just stupid. I've never heard anything so stupid." I'm betting Laraque and Jarkko Ruutu pick up some early penalty minutes so the Senators don't get any ideas.
Another Lakers win streak ends at the Rose Garden. The Lakers have lost their last 6 and 12 of the last 14 at the Rose Garden. Roy, Aldridge, and Frye all picked up double-doubles and all had more than 20 points.
The Masters Par 3 tournament will be aired on ESPN today. The real golf starts tomorrow.
The Pirates are showing periodic flashes of mediocrity. I wouldn't go so far as to say they're improving, but maybe they finally worked out a 3 year plan to figure out that 5 year plan. Hey, at least they're not the Detroit Tigers.
Steely McBeam got McDrunk which is cool, but then he also McDrove, McRanaRedLight, and got McArrested

How to lose money

2008-04-08T10:05:00.003-07:00

You see? That's why I'm not a very good gambler. If you read everything I wrote yesterday except for my picks at the end, you would have thought I was picking Kansas and probably the under. I had all the information I needed, and I ignored it and went with Memphis instead. Look at some of the points I made in yesterday's post:

Kansas has a size advantage
Kansas has more depth
Memphis starters played alot of minutes on Saturday
Kansas was able to spread the minutes around
Memphis has free throw shooting problems

And yet somehow I still talked myself into Memphis AND giving up points. In the end, it was their old nemesis the free throw that cost them the game. Sure they were making a ton of them in the last couple games, but those were with comfortable leads. They did pretty good last night too until the pressure mounted and they had to make them. Even then, Memphis had the win and the spread covered until that son-of-a-bitch Chalmers dropped in a prayer from behind the arc to tie it with just seconds remaining. And the over...well, I wasn't even close on that one. Even with an overtime they couldn't get past the 147 mark. I know hindsight is 20/20, but after huge emotional wins like Kansas and Memphis saw on Saturday and 2 1/2 weeks of high tempo basketball, I should've seen the under coming. In fact, I think a little research is due to see what percentage of title games hit the under. There might be a pattern there that we can use in the future.

Memphis vs Kansas

2008-04-07T15:06:00.000-07:00

I should have known better than picking two teams whose best players were blue-chip white boys over two of the most athletic and talented college teams we've seen in recent years. Memphis and Kansas both took care of business rather easily against UCLA and UNC to set up what should be a very exciting and well-fought title match. I've been giving Memphis alot of shit during the tournament, mostly for their free-throw shooting, but other than a near miss against Mississippi State when they shot under 47%, it hasn't been a factor. They've gone from a season average of under 60% to a tourney average of over 70%. That average jumps to over 80% for the last three games against UCLA, Texas, and Michigan State. Derrick Rose and Chris Douglas-Roberts have been impressive and Joey Dorsey has been an absolute beast on defense, and by keeping Kevin Love in check was a huge factor against UCLA.

Kansas has also been doing an exceptional job of proving the doubters(myself included) wrong. Despite doing their best to give up a 28 point 1st half lead, the Jayhawks were able to outlast the Tarheels and pulled away after the North Carolina managed to close the gap to 4. Like Memphis, Kansas has been getting it done mostly with stellar guard play from Brandon Rush and Mario Chalmers. They've also got a big man inside in Sasha Kaun, who is nearly singlehandedly responsible for Kansas escaping Davidson in the Elite 8.

In the end, this should be a great match-up. Kansas has a slight size advantage, and has more depth off the bench than Memphis. That depth could be even more of a factor after Saturday's games. Memphis guards Rose, Douglas-Roberts, and Antonio Anderson all played more than 35 minutes against UCLA, while Kansas had 8 guys play double-digit minutes. Both teams suffered a near-loss against underdog opponents, but other than those games have been winning by healthy margins. I like the way Memphis bounced back after their game against Mississippi State by beating two tough teams in Michigan State and Texas. Kansas had to only get through UNLV and Villanova before nearly falling to Davidson. They looked to be bouncing back nicely in the first half against UNC, before struggling and nearly letting the game slip away in the second half. They won't be able to slack off like that against a motivated and athletic Memphis team.

Over/under 147: Take the over. Both these teams have multiple scoring options and this should be a fairly high scoring affair.

Memphis -2 over Kansas: Always bet on blue. Shit, never mind, they're both wearing blue. Even with Saturday's exhausting game against UCLA, I think the Tigers are too dialed in right now. Try and get the Kansas big boys in foul trouble and then make sure and keep hitting those free throws.

Jay Jensen's lips are safe

2008-04-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

Jay Jensen is an athletic trainer for the Blazers. When training camp opened up last October, he heard Joel Przybilla bragging about how he was in the best shape of his career. Jensen laughed when Przybilla started telling everyone that he would play in all 82 games this year. Jensen had a point, Przybilla has missed a ton of games over due to injury, and in his 7 years in the NBA, has yet to play 82 games in a season. But this was a new and improved Joel Przybilla. With the drafting of Greg Oden, there were some question marks as to what Przybilla's role on the team would be, and he stepped up his offseason workouts. One thing led to another, and soon a wager was in place. If Joel failed to play in all 82 games, he had to buy dinner for Jay. But the other side of the bet is where things get entertaining. If Joel stayed healthy and didn't miss a game, Jensen would have to kiss Przybilla's ass at halfcourt at the conclusion of the Blazer's final game.

With just 6 games left going into Sunday's game against the Spurs, and Przybilla still healthy, Jensen had to have been getting worried. Luckily for him though, Przybilla will be forced to miss the final 5 games after breaking his hand in the Spurs game when his hand was smacked into the rim while attempting to block a shot in the 2nd quarter.

Final Four Picks

2008-04-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

North Carolina over Kansas
UCLA over Memphis

I could write a bunch of bullshit and give you a bunch of reasons but really there isn't much exciting to talk about that hasn't already been beaten to death over the last few weeks. In a season in which all four #1 seeds made it to the final four, I don't see any reason to go against the favorites in these two games either. Besides who doesn't want to see two of the best white big men in college go head to head in what could potentially decide the Naismith College Player of the Year. If this was last year it wouldn't even be a contest and the upper-classman Tyler Hansbrough would get the nod. But with Kevin Durant popping the freshman player of the year cherry last year, Kevin Love's chances got infinitely better and if he leads the Bruins to a national title, he would have to get some serious consideration, especially if for some reason UNC falls to Kansas tomorrow.

Division Champs!

2008-04-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

Despite numerous injuries to key players that threatened to derail their season, the Penguins clinched the Atlantic Division last night with a 4-2 win over the Flyers. Crosby and Fleury are getting back in the groove just in time for the playoffs after they both missed alot of time this spring. Crosby had 2 goals and an assist last night and Fleury did his part on the other end of the net stopping 27 shots as the Penguins won their 8th home game in a row while also clinching their first Division title in 10 years.

Evgeni Malkin added another goal and assist and was named team MVP after the game. Malkin has also made a serious case for himself as a Hart Trophy candidate. Although he has fallen behind Alexander Ovechkin in the scoring race, you can't overlook the way Malkin stepped up during Crosby's absence, especially when you consider that without Crosby, defenders were focusing alot more on Malkin. Plus, the Ovechkin-led Capitals have some work to do just to make the playoffs, while the Penguins can do no worse than the 2nd seed in the East. A win in their last game(against the Flyers again on Sunday) would guarantee the Pens at least a share of the top spot in the East(After going to wins, I have no idea how the NHL tiebreakers work, so we'll have to wait and see), while a Montreal loss would clinch the first seed for them.

Baseball is here!

2008-04-01T08:58:00.001-07:00

The Pirates are undefeated!! No April Fools Day joke here, Xavier Nady hit his second homer of the game, a 3-run shot, in the bottom of the 12th and the Pirates hung on for an opening day win against the Braves. It wasn't pretty though. Pittsburgh choked up a 5 run lead in the bottom of the ninth and nearly lost their 3 run lead in the bottom of the 12th. Offense(or more appropriately, bad defense) was the name of the game as the two bullpens combined to allow 17 runs. At the plate, most of the Buccos started the season off on the right foot with a team batting average of .347 for the game, including Nady's 4-for-7. Not getting involved was Jason Bay, who continued his lackluster play from last year by failing to get a hit in 6 plate appearances. But don't worry, Bay was just as good on defense, as he let a 2-out pop fly fall to the grass in the ninth, letting the Braves score two runs and tie the game.

New manager John Russell got a win in his first game as a big league manager, and will try to improve to 2-0 as the Pirates stay in Atlanta to take on the Braves again Wednesday and Thursday. As of now, it will be impossible for the Pirates to fall below .500 until at least Thursday, a full 4 days into the season. Things are really looking up in the Steel City.

One's all advance

2008-03-31T09:20:00.000-07:00

For the first time in history, we have all four #1 seeds in the Final Four. My picks from Thursday did much better, and I even managed to get back in the black after last weekends second round gambling mishaps. I did miss on the South region and after overestimating Michigan State's chances against Memphis, Texas just didn't have the depth on the bench to hang with the much more athletic Tigers. And the Tigers surprisingly good free throw shooting didn't help. I don't know if it was part of Texas' gameplan to try and force Memphis to beat them from the charity stripe(and based on Memphis' usual free throw shooting, I expect it probably was), but the Tigers stepped up to the challenge and shot over 83% from the line while attempting 27 more free throws. Even if the Longhorns were in hack mode the entire game, 36-9 still seems like an inordinately large difference in foul shot attempts.

Davidson's cinderella run finally expired as Kansas barely managed to hold them off despite another amazing game from Stephen Curry, who became just the fourth player in history to average over 30 points a game in the tournament. Davidson had a chance to win it at the end, but despite only being down by two, the Wildcats decided to try and force a 3 that wasn't there instead of sending Curry into the middle for a two or a chance to draw a foul. Although with Davidson shooting free throws like Memphis(5 of 12 in the game), a foul may not have worked out much better. The loss broke Davidsons 25 game win streak and sent the Jayhawks into the Final Four to face former Kansas coach Roy Williams and North Carolina.

Riding on to San Antonio

2008-03-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

Seeing as how my stellar bracket picks from last week have about as much relevance to the actual Sweet 16 as WMD's had with the war in Iraq, here's picks for the teams that are actually playing.

Thursday Games

#3 Xavier over #7 WVU: Last weekend WVU had the advantage of being able to wear down a tired Duke team in the second half. They won't be able to do that with a rested Xavier team that is one of the best defensive teams in the nation, if not the whole country.

#1 UNC over #4 WSU: Washington State is playing great ball right now and have got to be riding high after their win over the Leprechauns in the second round, but UNC is too much for them.

#1 UCLA over #12 Western Kentucky: 3 times in the past couple weeks UCLA has needed a horrible call to win a close game. There was the phantom foul call against Stanford, the no-call followed by the illegal game-winning shot against California, and another no-call against Texas A&M last weekend. Sooner or later their luck will run out and they will be on the wrong side of a bad call. Fortunately for the Bruins, this game won't be close enough for it to matter.

#3 Louisvillle over #2 Tennessee: Tennessee had a legitimate argument for a #1 seed, and instead got screwed with a #2 seed in the hardest bracket of the year. Put them in the Midwest or the South region and they're probably a lock for the Final 4. Louisville started the year slow due to some key injuries, but are playing hot right now. They'll have to slow down a potent Tennessee offense to get a win tonight.

Friday Games

#10 Davidson over #3 Wisconsin: Going out on a bit of limb here, but I'm a sucker for Cinderella stories. This should be a low scoring affair, but if Curry and Jason Richards can get through the stingy Badger defense they'll have a good shot at winning this game. Wisconsin has won both their tourney games easily though whereas Davidson has had to win two tight ones. If they keep this one close I think they have the advantage. Getting through Kansas for a Final Four berth will probably be a different story.

#2 Texas over #3 Stanford: This should be a great game to watch as DJ Augustin and AJ Abrams from Texas take on the Lopez twins from Stanford. When in doubt, pick the team with lower educational standards.

#1 Kansas over #12 Villanova: Villanova has had a great run, and Kansas is in a dead heat with Memphis in the race to see which #1 seed falls first. I've got my cinderella in Davidson, and I'm sticking with it.

#5 Michigan State over #1 Memphis: Memphis' free throw shooting nearly cost them the game against Mississippi St. If Neitzel shows up for the Spartans like he did against Pitt last weekend, Memphis will be in trouble.

Regional Finals

#1 UCLA over #3 Xavier: Anything less than their third straight trip to the Final Four will be a huge disappointment for UCLA, and even with the karma they've got going against them from the bad calls, I've got to give the advantage to Kevin Love and Darren Collison

#1 UNC over #3 Louisville: I don't really see any team still alive in the East or Midwest that can keep UNC out of the Championship game.

#1 Kansas over #10 Davidson: I really hope this matchup happens. If Davidson gets past Wisconsin they're going to be riding with as much confidence as anybody. Unless you're a KU student or grad, theres no way you won't be rooting for Davidson. Can they pull out a George Mason and ride the wave into the Final Four. I wish I could say yes.

#2 Texas over #5 Michigan State: Texas will be working with damn near a home crowd as they won't have to travel outside the state of Texas for the rest of the tourney. Texas also goes a little deeper and I don't know how far Neitzel can carry the Michigan State team.

Damn you Neitzel!

2008-03-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

From Wednesday's post...

#4 Pittsburgh over #2 Georgetown - It's a rematch of the Big East championship game with the same results. Pittsburgh takes home their first ever national title. If Georgetown can't get past UNC, UNC beats Pittsburgh though.

Well that worked out well. By the end of Saturday, my bracket wasn't good for anything except wiping my ass.

From 16 to 1

2008-03-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

EAST Regionals

#1 UNC over #5 Notre Dame - Luck of the Irish runs out here
#3 Louisville over #7 Butler - I almost picked Butler here, but I gotta give some credit to Pitino

MIDWEST Regionals

#1 Kansas over #12 Villanova - Nice run 'Nova, but you're not super yet(shit, that was cheesy and geeky)
#2 Georgetown over #11 Kansas State - Shit Beasley, if you'd gone to a serious contender you'd be damn near a lock for Player of the Year and the #1 pick in the draft.

SOUTH Regionals

#4 Pittsburgh over #1 Memphis - And the first #1 seed is out! Memphis loses by 4 after going 12-29 from the free throw line.
#2 Texas over #6 Marquette

WEST Regionals

#1 UCLA over #5 Drake - D'oh! Bulldogs Fall to Collison
#3 Xavier over #2 Duke - You've gotta question the wisdom of this one

Great Eight

#1 UNC over #3 Louisville - Honestly if you're not picking UNC for a trip to the finals I don't know what to say
#2 Georgetown over #1 Kansas - Georgetown gets their second straight trip to the Final Four
#4 Pittsburgh over #2 Texas - Now that Pitt is healthy, they are a genuine threat to take home a title
#1 UCLA over #3 Xavier - And we've got two #1 seeds in the Final Four

Final Four

#2 Georgetown over #1 UNC - I don't know what to say
#4 Pittsburgh over #1 UCLA - I'm channeling my inner Bobby Knight. If they lose I'll just throw a chair across the room and choke somebody.

Championship

#4 Pittsburgh over #2 Georgetown - It's a rematch of the Big East championship game with the same results. Pittsburgh takes home their first ever national title. If Georgetown can't get past UNC, UNC beats Pittsburgh though.

Second Round Picks

2008-03-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

EAST

#1 UNC over #9 Arkansas
#5 Notre Dame over #13 Winthrop - No cinderella here
#3 Louisville over #11 St Josephs - No glass slipper here either
#7 Butler over #2 Tennessee - I give Tennessee plenty of support drinking Jack Daniels. Time to show Butler a little love.

MIDWEST

#1 Kansas over #8 UNLV
#12 Villanova over #4 Vanderbilt - Hmmm, can the Wildcats make it till midnight?
#11 Kansas St over #3 Wisconsin - Uh-oh, Villanova has competition for the midwest cinderella crown
#2 Georgetown over #10 Davidson - This is pretty experienced Georgetown that didn't lose much from their 2007 Final Four run

SOUTH

#1 Memphis over #8 Mississippi St - I don't think Memphis has what it takes for a serious title run, but they get past the Bulldogs without much trouble
#4 Pittsburgh over #12 Temple - Another cinderella wannabe turns out to be an ugly stepsister
#6 Marquette over #3 Stanford - If they're the Cardinals, why is Stanfords mascot a Christmas tree that looks like it won 3rd prize in a kindergarten grade arts and crafts contest
#2 Texas over #10 St Mary's - If Durant had stuck around for another year, this Texas team would be headed for title town

WEST

#1 UCLA over #9 Texas A&M
#5 Drake over #4 UConn - Drake Beats Fairies from Connecticut
#3 Xavier over #11 Baylor - You hear that Baylor? Thats the clock striking midnight. Maybe next year
#2 Duke over #10 Arizona - Duke haters will have to wait at least another week

March Madness starts tomorrow

2008-03-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

Holy shit the games start tomorrow. Where the hell did the rest of the week go? Between work, St Paddy's day, and other things going on, I didn't even fill out a bracket until this morning. In addition, other than a few conference tourney's I've watched very little basketball in the last several weeks and managed to squeeze in maybe a grand total of an hour of March Madness preview shows on ESPN this week. Since I don't have much time today to do serious research, I'm going with the gut-feeling method of filling out a bracket. Because of this, I'm not going to list any gambling picks for the first two rounds this weekend. I can't stress enough the importance of not taking these picks seriously. Unfortunately, my complete lack of effort on this also almost guarantees this will be the best bracket of my life.

EAST

#1 UNC over #16 Mt St Mary
#9 Arkansas over #8 Indiana
#5 Notre Dame over #12 Winthrop - Notre Dame is actually one of the few teams I've watched this year, and they've been flying under the radar
#13 Winthrop over #4 Washington State - Woohoo, our first big upset of the week
#11 St Joseph's over #6 Oklahoma - Sorry, no Fiesta Bowl rematch here
#3 Louisville over #14 Boise State - Despite what I said Monday, these Cardinals will totally kick the shit of these Broncos
#7 Butler over #10 South Alabama - South Alabama? So are they from the Gulf of Mexico?
#2 Tennessee over #15 American - If you pick American to lose the terrorists win, but if you pick them to win you hose your bracket. Nobody said this was gonna be easy

MIDWEST

#1 Kansas over #16 Portland St
#8 UNLV over #9 Kent State - Always bet on Vegas
#12 Villanova over #5 Clemson - Clemson played tough in the ACC tourney, but I still say they're a 9 or 10 seed at best
#4 Vanderbilt over #13 Siena - Isn't Siena a crayola color? update: Burnt Sienna is a crayola color. They still lose
#11 Kansas St over #6 USC - USC has a solid team, but whose gonna stop Beasley? And Mayo ain't going shot for shot with Beasley
#3 Wisconsin over #14 CS Fullerton
#10 Davidson over #7 Gonzaga
#2 Georgetown over #15 UMBC

SOUTH

#1 Memphis over #16 UT-Arlington
#8 Mississippi St over #9 Oregon - I'm still not sure why I picked this one
#12 Temple over #5 Michigan St - When in doubt, pick against the Big 10
#4 Pittsburgh over #12 Oral Roberts - Cause nobody wants oral from a dude named Roberts
#6 Marquette over #11 Kentucky
#3 Stanford over #14 Cornell - It's the battle of the eggheads! Stanford by the square root of 158!
#10 St Mary's over #7 Miami
#2 Texas over #15 Austin Peay

WEST

#1 UCLA over #16 Mississippi Valley
#9 Texas A&M over #8 BYU - If God was a mormon, Mitt Romney would've beat McCain. BYU heads home early for Easter.
#5 Drake over #12 Western Kentucky - Drake Balls For Championships
#4 UConn over #12 San Diego
#11 Baylor over #6 Purdue
#3 Xavier over #14 Georgia - I hadn't heard a peep about Xavier until the selection show. Where the hell did they come from?
#10 Arizona over #7 West Virginia - Arizona SOS is #2 and they played in the Pac-10. I gotta give them some love
#2 Duke over #15 Belmont - Duke may have gotten a gift with the #2 seed, but they still take Belmont easily

From the Weekend

2008-03-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

What you missed while passed out in green-infused drunken haze

Nate McMillan got his 300th career victory as the Blazers beat the Timberwolves 107-96. Big props Coach!
Denver had 8 players score in the double digits and Marcus Camby had a triple double in less than 27 minutes of play as the Nuggets beat the Oklahoma Sonics 168-116
The Rockets continued their improbable win streak, beating the Lakers by 12. The Rockets have now won 22 straight games, including 10 straight since they lost Yao Ming for the year.
Tiger Woods is dialed in tight. After two rounds of play at the Arnold Palmer Invitational, Tiger trailed by 7 strokes and his streak of 6 straight tournament victories seemed at risk. But Tiger battled back and by the time he got to the 72nd and final hole, he was tied for the lead and he was standing 25 feet away from the hole with a downhill, breaking putt that would either win it or send him to a playoff. Even though he hadn't made a putt over 20 feet all weekend, I think we all would have been more surprised if he had missed it. Tiger has 9 wins and a 2nd place finish in his last 10 tournaments, and is now tied with Ben Hogan for third place on the all-time wins list.
The NCAA tournament field is set. Memphis, UCLA, Kansas, and North Carolina all received #1 seeds. Coppin State became the first team to ever make the tournament after losing 20 games, and will face off with Mount St Mary's Tuesday for the right to lose to North Carolina.

I'll be back later this week with some March Madness picks. You should ignore them and make your picks based on the mascots and uniforms. It's a proven method. If you can't beat Veronica in accounts payable, join her. Don't worry about what your friends will think. If they ask why you picked Boise State over Louisville, you don't have to tell them it was because you thought a Bronco would kick the shit out of a Cardinal, just spout some shit about Boise State's 50% shooting from the field and higher assist/turnover ratio.

I'm kind of a big deal

2008-03-04T07:50:00.001-08:00

I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. Oh yeah, and I'm also officially a Portland Trailblazers season ticket holder. That's right, next year me and one lucky guest(it could be you!) will be sitting in section 317, row L, seats 1 and 2.

That's right, I got aisle seats. That means I won't even have to step over any fat guys when I get up to get another beer.

Hossa Update

2008-02-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

Good news. It sounds like Hossa's injury has been downgraded to just a sprained MCL. He will still miss at least a week, but he'll still have almost a month and plenty of games to get used to his new team before the Pens start their playoff run.

Buyers Remorse

2008-02-28T18:58:00.000-08:00

Fuck. I hope the Penguins kept their receipt from the Marian Hossa trade. After giving up Erik Christensen, Colby Armstrong(a first round pick in 2001), Angelo Esposito(a first round pick in last years draft), and their first round pick in this years draft to acquire Hossa from Atlanta, The Penguins got a total of 10'12" of ice time out of Hossa before he left in the 2nd period with a knee injury. ESPN is reporting that he has a partially torn MCL. The critics who complained that GM Ray Shero gave up too much to get Hossa kinda have a point now.

Steelers/Blazers/Penguins Update

2008-02-27T08:52:00.001-08:00

RIP Myron Cope: 1929-2008. The former Steelers radio announcer died early this morning at 79. Cope's 35 years in the broadcast booth was best known for his catch phrases and the creation of the famous Terrible Towel and was inducted into the National Radio Hall of Fame in 2005. Cope was such a beloved Pittsburgh icon, that when he retired in 2004 the Steelers didn't even attempt to replace his unique voice and style and instead downsized the 3-man announcers booth to just 2 people.

In 1975, Cope created the Terrible Towel by urging fans to bring yellow dish towels to the game to wave in support of the Steelers as they took on the Baltimore Colts. Not long after the Steelers began selling the golden towels with the words "Myron Cope's Terrible Towel" emblazoned on them. Since then, the sale of Terrible Towels has raised millions of dollars for charity.

Blazers

The bad news continues with the Blazers who have fallen to 29-28 by losing 9 of 12 in February and 8 of their last 9. The biggest culprit seems to be shooting, or lack thereof, as displayed by last nights 96-83 loss to the Lakers. Even without Brandon Roy(sprained ankle), the Blazers started out hot, and led by as much as 15 in the first quarter and were up by 7 at the half. But they came out cold in the second half, shooting barely 25% in the second half(36% overall). Even with the poor shooting, the Blazers were able to hang in the game by playing inspired defense and were only down 1 after 3, but in the last 5 or 6 minutes, the Lakers pulled away.

Brandon Roy will also miss tonights games against the Clippers, but my return Friday when they take on the Lakers again, this time in the Rose Garden. James Jones should also return Friday after missing several weeks with a sore knee. Jones' strong shooting(2nd in the NBA from 3 pt range) will be a welcome addition. During the Blazers outstanding December and January, Jones could always be counted on to make big shots to get the Blazers back on track when they hit a shooting slump. If they want any chance at all of making the playoffs, they're going to have to play lights out ball for the next month and a half as they are currently 5.5 games out of the final playoff spot in the West.

Penguins

Finally some good news. The Penguins have been continuing to play great puck(how come you never hear that term? If football and basketball players can play ball, I say hockey players play puck. While we're on the subject, instead of balling, hockey players puck. It's our job to make this mainstream). Despite playing without Sidney Crosby for the last several weeks, the Pens are just one point out of the lead in the Atlantic Division and the Eastern Conference. They geared up for a run at the Stanley Cup yesterday by acquiring Marian Hossa from the Thrashers yesterday before the trade deadline. The move signified to the league that the Penguins aren't looking to win a Cup sometime in the next few years, but are going balls out for it this year. They had to give up alot to get Hossa, as they sent the Thrashers Colby Armstrong, Erik Christensen, last years 1st round pick Angelo Esposito, and a 2008 1st round pick. The fact that Hossa becomes a free agent in July makes the move even gutsier as they will probably have to have a strong playoff showing if the want to convince Hossa to resign.

Hossa will add another scoring threat to already formidable Pittsburgh offense, which in Crosby's absence has been led by another young phenom Evgeni Malkin who has used Crosby's absence to show the league what he can do and with a goal and an assist in last nights 4-2 win over the Islanders, now leads the league in scoring.

Unlike last year, this years defense is also strong. Ty Conklin has used Marc-Andre Fleury's injury to his advantage as well and been playing outstanding defense. He has gone 17-4-5 in Fleury's absence and is going to make it tough for Fleury to get his starting job back if he keeps playing like he did in last nights win when he had 50 saves.

Let Levi Ride!!!

2008-02-22T08:34:00.000-08:00

You don't have to read my entire rant here, but at least jump to the last paragraph for the link to sign the petition.

Here we go again. The fucking French are tired of getting their asses kicked every year by foreigners in the Tour de France. Usually this just means that they do everything they can to implicate as many foreigners, and especially that years winner, in doping scandals with their bullshit lab work and defamatory press coverage by French newspaper Le Monde. They failed time and time again with these tactics against Lance Armstrong, and the only reason they've shut up about him is because he threatened to keep coming back and kicking all their girly French asses if they didn't shut the hell up. They managed to succeed against Floyd Landis and stripped him of his title, despite the fact that the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) admitted that the French doping lab fucked up and had no way to determine whether Landis' positive tests were legit or even if they were his samples for that matter.

This year they're taking it a step farther. Last year was perhaps one of the most doping-tainted Tours ever with 3 riders(including pre-race favorite Alexandre Vinokourov, and Michael Rasmussen, who was the overall leader when he was booted by his own team after missing drug tests) and two entire teams dropping out because of doping. It was eventually won by the young Spanish phenom Alberto Contador with his teammate and American legend Levi Leipheimer finishing third and on the podium for the first time in his career. They tried to nail Contador after the tour because his name came up in another doping investigation(a teammate mentioned him once in passing in one phone call), but a judge cleared him immediately. Leipheimer has never been anywhere close to a doping scandal and was once more poised to take a run at the title. The French know that Levi is as clean as they get, so what do they do? The Amaury Sports Organization (ASO) decides to ban his entire team(Team Astana, which he has just joined) from competing in this years Tour(or any of the other premier races owned by ASO). They claim it's because Team Astana had some troubles with doping last year. OK, so "some troubles" might be letting them off the hook, the entire team had to drop out after leader Vinokourov tested positive, but that was before Levi or Contador was on the team. In fact almost all the riders are different from last year, as well as completely new management. Team Astana has also adopted some of the most rigorous anti-doping controls of any cycling team, and spends more on anti-doping than any other pro tour team. The only thing about the team that has stayed the same is their name. It seems pretty obvious that this is nothing more than a transparent childish ploy to keep some of the best riders out of the competition. How can they honestly believe that banning two of last years top three finishers will be anything but bad for the sport. The Tour is by far the most famous of all cycling competitions and is the holy grail for any cyclist because the best of the best compete against each other. If you take the best out of the race, it's just a bunch of dipshits in spandex riding through the mountains. And how would you like to be the guy that wins the Tour without challenging those racers? Wouldn't that be a bit like a normal person winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

I know cycling has always been a much bigger deal over in Europe than in the US, but without the relatively recent influx of American interest thanks mostly to Lance Armstrong, there is more money and interest in the Tour de France than ever before, and now they're willing to sacrifice all that out of fear of another American whooping up on their toad eating asses. So heres the deal, check out Levi's website, http://letleviride.com and sign the petition. In fact sign it with every email address you have and spread the word to anyone else who might sign it. Will it do any good? Maybe, maybe not, but it can't hurt.

Clemens Testifies

2008-02-13T08:42:00.000-08:00

Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee testified in front of congress this morning regarding Clemens alleged steroid use. I honestly don't give a shit about any of it, but it was on every got-dam channel this morning so I heard some of the testimony. This quote during Clemens opening statements struck me:

"If I'm guilty of anything, it's caring too much. It's being too nice

I don't know if Clemens used steroids or HGH, but at the very least they can get him for perjury now. Clemens has been accused of alot of things, but being too nice certainly isn't on that list. This is a man who said of Hank Aaron, "I wish he were still playing, I'd probably crack his head open to show him how valuable I was." Classy. picked up part of Mike Piazza's broken bat during the World Series and hurled it him as he was running to first base. Clemens claimed he had "mistaken" the bat for the ball and was just trying to throw Piazza out. Thats the best excuse you could come up with? That you thought a long cylindrical piece of wood was actually a small, leatherbound ball?

Pro Bowl recap

2008-02-11T09:41:00.000-08:00

Hey how about that, there was a football game yesterday. Every year we get cock-teased by the Pro Bowl before being banished from pro football for 6 months. This year the NFC won 42-30 in a ~~spectacular~~ comeback win over the AFC. I watched exactly one play. I used to get excited about the Pro Bowl because, hey, it is football. And it's the last NFL game until August, so it's gotta be better than whatever else is on television right? Wrong. It sucks. Every got-dam year. This year though, I hit them with a pre-emptive strike and fell asleep on the couch before the game. I woke up sometime in the 3rd quarter to take a leak and got to watch Derek Anderson throw an incomplete pass before falling back asleep.

Weller kicks some ass

2008-02-08T22:30:00.000-08:00

I gotta post this hockey action from last night. Craig Weller of the Phoenix Coyotes is a fucking bad ass. Watch him drop 3 guys in under 5 seconds.

I'm taking a break

2008-02-05T12:58:00.000-08:00

So it wasn't dream. It actually happened. We saw Eli fricking Manning outplay Tom Brady and Tom freaking Coughlin outcoach Bill Belichick IN THE SAME FRICKIN GAME!! And it was in the Super Bowl against the un-freakin-beatable New England Patriots!! If I was the 1972 Dolphins, I would send invites to your annual "still undefeated" party to Manning, Tyree, Burress, Umenyiora, Strahan, and Tuck. Oh yeah, don't forget Brady, Belichick, and Rodney Harrison. Check out the Reebok perfectville commercial for another take.

One other thing I forgot to mention yesterday. What the hell was Jeremy Shockey doing up in a luxury box during the game? I understand you're hurt and can't play, but shouldn't you at least be down on the sidelines cheering? I guess if my coach gave me an option I'd be up in the box with the chicks and booze too, but I don't think this helps Shockey's image as a bad teammate.

Even with everything that happened in that game, there is one play that still has me shaking my head in disbelief:

Wow. Not bad for a guy that only caught 4 passes all year. This will go down as the greatest catch in Super Bowl history. You have no idea how painful that is for me to say either, since it takes that distinction away from Steeler great Lynn Swann and his catch(es) in Super Bowl X against the Cowboys. I couldn't find video of just the catch, but it's at about the 6'40" mark in this one:

Wow. If that doesn't tell you why Swann got the MVP that game, check out his sideline catch at the 4 minute mark in this one. Or the game-winning catch(4'10")

Anyway, now that football is over, I'm taking a little break from regular posts. I'll still throw up the occasional updates on the Blazers/NBA and the Penguins, and I'll start getting some NCAA action in there too, but for your daily dose of ridiculous shit, you're gonna have to go elsewhere. I'd recommend Kissing Suzy Kolber, Deadspin, and With Leather. Also don't forget about the boys over at Buster Wants to Fish for a little change of pace.

New recommended site

2008-02-05T10:27:00.000-08:00

I just came across the Pro Football Talk site. I'm not sure how good it is cause I haven't read much of their stuff yet, but they've got a "Days without an Arrest" counter(on the right side). That alone is worth checking out once a week or so. It's currently at 4 days(way to go NFL!). I wonder what the record is.

Super Bowl Commercials

2008-02-05T09:49:00.000-08:00

Overall not a great year for commercials. They've just gotten too hyped and companies are trying too hard. Instead of new creative shit, everyone just goes with the old overdone stuff that we see every year because they're afraid to take any risks. Those are fine for regular commercials, but in the Super Bowl, I want to see some creativity. Talking/dancing animals? getting a little boring(vicious breast-feeding badgers are still funny though). Getting hit in the nuts? OK, so that's still funny, especially when its Justin Timberlake. Carlos Mencia? Never was funny.

Budweiser Rocky Spoof

I like this one, but they should've also used the scene where Rocky climbed a 30,000 foot mountain in the Rocky IV training montage.

Audi Godfather spoof

Another pretty solid movie spoof. The only problem now is that next year we're gonna see 18 shitty attempts to copy the classic movie spoof

Doritos mouse trap

I think this was my favorite. I kept waiting for the guy to end up getting his hand caught in the trap going for the chip, but then BAM! a giant mouse comes through the wall and kicks his ass. Good stuff.

Pepsi with Justin Timberlake

See? celebrity nut violence is always funny

And while we're on the subject of commercials, very few will ever compare to the Office Linebacker commercials from a few years back. Here's an extended version:

And 1

2008-02-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

As in 18 wins...And 1 loss. It's a shame that the basketball company already owns the rights to the 'And 1' phrase, or I would totally copyright that shit and make a truckload of money selling t-shirts and bumper stickers and those kick-ass combination keychain/flashlight/bottle-opener's. The Patriots went from being potentially the greatest team in NFL history, to being the answer to a trivia question. They are the first team to ever rack up 18 wins in a season WITHOUT winning the Super Bowl. They could've literally lost 8 regular season games and made the playoffs. They are the team that lost to Eli Manning in his first Super Bowl. That's right, THAT Eli Manning. In just his 4th year in the league, a guy that has been known more for throwing picks in big games and collapsing every December engineered a 4th quarter comeback with less than 3 minutes left to beat Tom Brady and the unbeatable New England Patriots. Eli became the second of the first three quarterbacks taken in the 2004 NFL Draft to win a Super Bowl(our boy Big Ben was the first, Philip "Douchebag" Rivers is still waiting for his ring).

Manning played nearly mistake-free football(even his one INT was more of a fumble by Steve Smith than an INT. The pass was perfect) and looked calm and confident in the pocket and on the sideline. Meanwhile Brady, looking like he was up til 6 am partying with his bloodshot eyes and red face, was getting his ass handed to him by the unstoppable pass rush of Justin Tuck, Osi Umenyiora, and Michael Strahan, and spent most of his time off the field sulking on the bench with his head down. If you didn't know who was who and tried to identify the quarterbacks on the sideline by reputation alone, you would never have guessed that that was the guy who had just won 18 straight games, was dating a Victoria's Secret model and had a baby with a Hollywood actress. You never would've guessed that the guy on the other sideline was the pouty, less-talented baby Manning, who has been routinely criticized for his lack of leadership.

I never thought I'd see the day when I was giving Eli Manning kudos for being the Super Bowl MVP, but there you go. But as good as Eli played, especially in the 4th quarter, lets give credit where credit is due. The MVP belonged to the defense, most notably the 3 defensive ends. Without that defense, Eli could've had 5 4th quarter TD's and they still would've lost by 14 points. Even while rushing 5 or less most of the time, the Giants sacked Tom Brady 5 times. The Patriots offensive line had only allowed 21 sacks ALL YEAR. Justin Tuck had two sacks, 5 tackles, and a forced fumble. Osi Umenyiora had 3 tackles and a fumble recovery. Michael Strahan added 2 tackles and a sack. None of those number take into account the other 10 or 15 times that Brady got knocked down after throwing a pass. I wouldn't have had a problem with David Tyree getting it either. That 3rd down catch on the last drive was one of the most amazing catches I've ever seen. I am still in shock that that actually happened.

Perhaps the best part in my mind is that Bill Belichick lost this game. This is the man who is supposed to be one of the greatest football minds of all time. The word Genius is thrown at this guy without hesitation, yet in the third quarter he let his ego get in the way and it potentially cost him this game. I'm the last guy that will give a coach shit for going for it on 4th down, but that was a flatout horrible call. 4th and 13 from the 31 and you go for it? A field goal gives you a touchdown lead. You can't tell me a 48 yarder is out of Stephen Gostkowski's range. That was just Belichick being too cocky. He was the coach for the undefeated New England Patriots, playing against Eli Manning and the New York Giants. He thought he was unbeatable and was going to prove it once and for all. Unfortunately, he didn't prove it, and when the dust settled, those three points he passed up ended up being the margin of victory for the Giants. One game sent you from being tied with former Steeler coach Chuck Knoll as the only coach to win 4 Super Bowls(serves him right, Belichick doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as Knoll). You went from being one of only 3 other teams with 4 Super Bowl rings(49ers, Cowboys, and the Steelers) to still being on the kiddie table list of teams with 3 wins. Which, by the way, thanks to their win on Sunday, now also includes the New York Giants.

So how'd I do on the betting side of the game? The Giants win put me at 8-3 overall picking the playoff games. The prop bets ended up paying out nicely as well:

Giants +12 over Patriots - W: Ha Ha...Suck it Boston
Combined total over 54 points - L: Wow, not even close on this one
Coin Toss Tails - W: I told you tails never fails
Giants win coin toss - W: hells yeah, things are looking up
No on all the pregame pundits picking Patriots to win - W: This was a close one, but Frank Caliendo, the one guy who wasn't an ex-football player or coach knew what was up
National Anthem takes under 1'42" - L: So technically I lost this one, but you wanna hear the best part? I accidentally hit the wrong button and bet the over. I was fucking pissed off, and while I'm watching Jordan Sparks sing it, I'm getting a little more confident everytime she holds a high note an extra beat. It was still way too close to comfort, but then she took like 20 seconds alone on "land of the free, and the home of the brave" to hit the over on this one. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.
Joe Buck mentions Peyton Manning over 5.5 - L: I don't think he mentioned his name once during the game, but there were plenty of camera shots of him. Looking back I bet the wrong way on this one. I should've known they wouldn't talk much about Peyton because they wouldn't want to take the spotlight of little brother Eli. Live and learn I guess.
Tom Petty opens with "I won't back down" or "running down a dream" - L: American Girl? Fuck you Tom, these two teams have been battling for 5 months to get here and you honor them with some sappy-ass song like American fucking Girl?
Tom Petty lights up a joint during halftime - L: OK, no surprise here, but at 100/1 odds, it was worth a shot. Can you imagine if you actually won money on Tom Petty lighting up a joint during the Super Bowl? I would be telling that story to everybody I met for the rest of my life.
MVP thanks coach first - L: Technically this bet hasn't settled yet, and I couldn't hear Eli's speech, but I think it was teammates. And rightfully so, the defense won that game.
Giants score first - W: Nicely done Eli
Giants score last - W: Not the way I expected it to play out, but a wins a win
First score is a FG or Safety - W: So pretty much the first 10 minutes of this game went as perfectly as possible for my bets. Giants pick tails and win, go down the field and score a FG. I was 4-0 just like that.
Total FG's over 3.5 - L: The overall lack of scoring cost me here
Patriots don't convert a 4th down - W: If you had told me that Belichick would attempt 2 conversions I probably wouldn't have made this bet, but it worked out.
Manning doesn't throw an INT - L: Steve Smith owes me money on this one. That ball hit him in the hands and he just handed it to Ellis Hobbs
Amani Toomer - total receiving yards is an odd number - L: I blame the refs on this one, they gave a horrible ball spot on one of his catches in the 4th quarter
Wes Welker total receptions over 7.5 - W: easy win here, Welker tied an NFL record with 11 catches
Lonest reception either Plaxico Burress or Jabar Gaffney - L: Kevin Boss got the award for this one.
Patriots have the most turnovers - Push: Steve Smith dropping that pass into Hobbs hands cost me again. DAMN YOU STEVE SMITH!!

So there you have it, 9-10-1 on the picks(10-9-1 on the actual bets though thanks to that Jordan Sparks ~~fuckup~~lucky mistake) for the week. For the playoffs overall I finished dead on .500 with a 14-14-1 overall.

Super Bowl Betting Extravaganza

2008-02-01T10:14:00.000-08:00

Super Bowl weekend. The last weekend of football until next fall(unless you count the Pro-Bowl, but I don't). I'm sure you've heard all the analysis you can stand by now...Patriots are gonna win in a blowout, Patriots are gonna win but the Giants will keep it close, Giants have a chance for an upset. Then there's the QB talk, Eli Manning has finally arrived, is Brady hurt or not, oh look, someone proposed to Brady, blah, blah, blah. We've had two weeks of this shit, lets get to the good stuff.

The Super Bowl is one weekend where you don't have to know shit about football to lose money gambling. Hell you don't even have to care about football, you can bet on just about anything you want. Yeah you can bet on the game itself(I'm taking the Giants +12 over the Patriots*), if you think the Giants can win it outright, you can lay a bet at +375** for them to win. You can bet on the combined final score(I'm saying over 54). But you can do that for any game. You can also bet on plenty of stats-based bets, but those are boring(mine are listed below). This is the only weekend you can bet on the crazy stuff though. Why wait until the end of the game, lets bet on the coinflip. I've got a foolproof system...Tails never Fails(-105). It rhymes, how can it lose? And you know what, I'm taking the Giants to win the coin toss(-105). But why even wait until the game starts? Do you think the entire Fox pregame crew will pick the Patriots to win? I say no(somebody's going out on a limb and taking the underdog), so I'm betting they don't(+130). What about you American Idol fans that tuned into Fox to see the commercials. Guess what? Idol Alumn Jordin Sparks is singing the National Anthem. How long do you think it takes her? I say it's less than 1 minute 42 seconds and I'm putting my money where my mouth is(-115). I know you're thinking that's a stupid bet, but you've got to look deeper. Jordin is still young and not real famous yet, so she's gonna be a bit nervous. You always rush speaking and singing things when you're nervous. If she was a more established prima donna, you'd want to take the over. Not only would she be more comfortable with the crowd, but she'd probably throw a little personal flair into it like a extended high notes and other shit that would eat up extra seconds.

What about during the game? How many times do you think the camera shows Archie Manning? Vegas has the over/under set at 6.5, but I'm not betting this one. I think Peyton being at the game will take some of the spotlight off of Archie, but they may be sitting close enough together that they're both in the shots. Too many variables for me. But I do think that there is gonna be plenty of talk about Peyton Manning, so I'm taking the over(line at 5.5) on Peyton mentions by game announcer Joe Buck(-125).

No on to the halftime show. If I were Tom Petty, what song would I open with. It's gotta be either "I Won't Back Down" or "Runnin' Down a Dream." I'm going with "I Won't Back Down"(+500). Actually fuck it, I'm also laying a wager on "Runnin' Down a Dream"(+400). The beauty of this one is that they're both paying better than +200 so as long as it's one of those two, I come out on top. I'm also laying down a very small wager saying that Petty lights up a joint during the halftime show(+10,000). Surprisingly, thats also the same odds that you'd get betting that Britney Spears streaks during the game. How are those the same odds? Don't you think that there's a much better chance of Petty smoking a doobie? Wait, what the hell am I saying. If Britney wasn't in the middle of an extended "vacation" at her local psych ward I'd totally lay money on that. She's in what Bill Simmons calls the "Tyson Zone" in which nothing she could do would surprise you. As far as I'm concerned there are 3 lifetime members to the Tyson Zone. Mike Tyson(of course, it's his Zone), Tom Cruise, and the latest member is our very own Britney Spears.

The big one is always who will the MVP thank first. There are the obvious choices: God(+250), family(+200), and teammates(+200). The odds say the Patriots are gonna win, which means the obvious choice for MVP is Tom Brady. I don't see him as a big God man, and he's not married so I think family is out. You could go with the underdog and say he thanks no one(+600), but that's a long shot. Teammates is probably the safe bet, but at only 2/1 odds, it's not a good value. Given everything thats happened to the Patriots this year and the way they all stood by Belichick during the Spygate scandal, I'm betting on coach getting thanked first(+500).

Here are my other bets:

Giants score first(+140): Since I'm betting they win the toss, I say they go down and kick a field goal right off the bat
Giants score last(+135): Probably playing from behind, so they'll score and then Patriots run out the clock
1st score will be a FG or Safety(+160): Going with the value bet here
Total FGs by both teams - over 3.5(+150): The Patriots D is good for at least 2 stops in the redzone, so we only need 2 more from either team
Patriots don't convert a 4th down(+135): I don't think this will be a close enough game where Brady has to convert a 4th down late to stay in the game. Beware if they win the toss though, Belichick wouldn't be afraid to go for it on 4th to get the first score.
Manning doesn't throw an INT(+180): He hasn't thrown one yet in the postseason, so I'm taking the value bet here
Amani Toomer - Total receiving yards is an odd number(-105): Why not, I say 47 yards
Wes Welker total receptions - over 7.5(+125): He won't have many yards, but he'll have 8 or 9 quick catches when Moss is getting double teamed
Longest single reception in the game: We're gonna do another double bet. Plaxico Burress(+400) and Jabar Gaffney(+700)
Team with most turnovers - Patriots(+240): Again, sometimes you gotta take a chance on the value bets.

So there you have it. The No Doubt About It, Can't Lose, Way Kick Ass Copperhouse Retirement Plan.

One more side note. If the Patriots lose, you can blame the Boston Globe for jinxing them by pre-selling "19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots". I can't believe I can't bet on how long it takes some Boston masshole to burn down the Boston Globe offices if the Patriots lose. That's just un-American.

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.
**If the odds are listed as a positive number like +375, that means for every $100 you wagered you'd stand to win $375, plus you'd get your original $100 bet back. If it's a negative number like -105, then you'd have to risk $105 to win $100 plus your original $105 back. Of course you can also bet in much smaller increments, like $10.5 to win $10 or something.

Brandon Roy: All Star

2008-02-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

Blazers star and reigning Rookie of the Year Brandon Roy managed to pick up first NBA All-Star appearance in just his second year. The selection makes Roy the first Blazers All-Star since Rasheed Wallace in 2001. While there is little doubt Roy has played like an All-Star this year in leading the surprising Blazers, it was still a longshot that he would get enough votes to get a spot ahead of other talented Western Conference guards like Deron Williams, Baron Davis, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobili. I guess the iRoy Campaign worked.

Don't do it Blazers

2008-01-30T13:12:00.000-08:00

Yahoo! Sports is reporting a possible 3-team trade that would send the Nets Jason Kidd to Dallas. The details aren't clear, but supposedly would mean the Blazers giving up Jarrett Jack, Travis Outlaw(NOOOOO!!!), and Channing Frye. So far the only player named that would be coming to Portland is Dallas PG Devin Harris. I don't see a chance in hell of the Blazers getting involved in this trade. Think about it. You really think the Blazers are going to give up 2 of their best bench players(Jack and Outlaw) for another point guard? I could maybe see a trade involving Jack since the Blazers have a ton of talented young PG's(Blake, Sergio Rodriguez, and Rudy Fernandez -- who's finishing up his european contract this year) and maybe even the new guy Frye, but they aren't going to deal two quality forwards just to add another young PG. Especially one that's hurt and won't be back until probably late February. There isn't anyone that the Nets or the Mavericks could add to the deal who could replace the scoring and the enthusiasm of Outlaw except for possibly Richard Jefferson, and I don't see the Nets gutting their team like that or the Blazers taking the risk of ruining the team chemistry they have going on now. And you know Outlaw doesn't want to leave unless Comcast Sportsnet lets sideline reporter Rebecca Haarlow go with him(seriously, watch next time she interviews him after a game, the guy is head over heels). Nate McMillan and Kevin Pritchard have up to this point been pretty adamant that they aren't looking for any trades this year and I don't see anything on the table with this deal that would change their minds.

Blazers split the weekend games

2008-01-28T08:36:00.000-08:00

Houston snapped Portland's 12-game home winning streak on Friday night, due in large part to Portland's horrendous second half shooting(23%) and poor rebounding. The Blazers woeful shooting continued into the first half against the Hawks on Sunday, as their 37.5% shooting led to a 15-point halftime deficit. In the second half they came out shooting MUCH better, but Atlanta was on fire and at one point had extended their lead to 19 points. Every time Portland would start to cut into the lead, Atlanta would hit a tough shot to end the run and with less than 7 minutes left and down by 14, it was looking good for the Blazers who were on the verge of losing 3 straight for the first time since they lost 3 to end the month of November. But then the Blazers got hot and Brandon Roy tied the game at 93-93 and then forced Joe Johnson into a poor shot at the other end with just 8.3 seconds left. On the other end, Roy, who almost didn't play due to a fever, once again took the shot and was fouled on the miss. He left the Blazers in a dangerous spot by making only 1 of 2 free throws, but the Hawks missed their final shot to give the Blazers another tight win. The Blazers have played amazingly well in close games this year, going 6-0 in games decided by 3 points or less. This is especially impressive giving the youth of this team.

The End is Near

2008-01-25T09:45:00.000-08:00

This is the first weekend without football since back in August, and with only one game left before a long summer broken up by only 728 mock drafts(and 1 real one) on ESPN, it's time to start figuring out how to handle the weekends. I know the lack of football is still fresh in your heart and the pain seems unbearable, but you know what they say: the best way to get over a broken heart is to score a fresh piece of ass. Here's your options...

Australian Open Womens Final

enough said. Check it out tonight at 9:30 ET

NBA Action

The Blazers came off their brutal 7 game road trip after going 3-4. Considering their road record the rest of the year, the length of the road trip, and the fact that their 4 losses came against three 1st place teams and a 2nd place team with a combined record of 112-55 I'd say they gotta be pretty happy with the results. Now the Blazers have 6 home games, starting with Yao Ming and Houston Rockets tonight and then the Atlanta Hawks on Sunday.

If that game doesn't do it for you, there are 12 other NBA games tonight, and 14 more on either Saturday or Sunday

NCAA Basketball

It's never too early to start working on that bracket. Who's in, who's on the bubble, who needs help. You can't expect to win the office pool in March if you don't start boning up on the who's who of college hoops now. Not that any of that will help when JoAnn down in accounting picks the teams with the prettiest uniforms and wins the whole thing again. But that doesn't mean that these games are any less exciting. 8 of the top 10 teams in the nation will play either Saturday or Sunday and with 153 games going on this weekend(I shit you not, I counted. That is amazing) and conference action in full swing there is bound to be some amazing games.

NHL All-Star Weekend

Even without Sidney Crosby, it's still worth tuning in to the NHL festivities this weekend. Check out the NHL Super Skills Competition tomorrow night and then the main event goes down on Sunday. If you ever wanted to see a bunch of Russians, Canadians, and Czechs(with a few Swedes thrown in for good measure) skating around and brawling, it doesn't get any better than this.

Down Under Semifinals

2008-01-24T08:54:00.000-08:00

Damn, all tennis should be like that. 3 of the the 4 semifinalists in the Australian Open were Maria Sharapova, Jelena Jankovic, and Ana Ivanovic. Even the fourth semifinalist, an apparently chilly Daniela Hantuchova was nothing to look past. I mean, she ain't no Maria Kirilenko, but I certainly wouldn't throw her out of bed(well, maybe if she was eating crackers or something, but come on - have you ever tried to sleep with crumbs in the sheets?) With the second of the two matches not ending until after 1 AM eastern time, I have to imagine Skinemax ratings were down significantly last night.

Despite her sloppy play, Maria Sharapova(hang on, quick break for a mental image of a sloppy Sharapova...ok, we're good) easily took down a less than 100% Jankovic in straight sets 6-3, 6-1 in a relatively uneventful match. You know, as long as you don't consider two hot sweaty foreign chicks in skimpy tennis dresses eventful. In the second match, it started out looking like another quick win as Hantuchova won the first set 6-0 and jumped out to an early 2-0 lead in the second. Ivanovic was undeterred though, and battled back to win 6-3. Ivanovic then won a hard-fought third set 6-4 to set up a match against Sharapova in what is undoubtedly the hottest Grand Slam final in tennis history. Although you'll never hear me complain about the two straight years(2001 and 2002) of Jennifer Capriati vs Martina Hingis at the Australian Open.

Who's Next?

2008-01-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

Pittsburgh athletes have been taking a beating this year. Penguins star(and NHL Savior) Sidney Crosby was the latest to go down, when he suffered a high-ankle sprain early on in a 3-0 loss to Tampa Friday night. Crosby has been added to the injured reserve and will miss 6-8 weeks. With the Penguins in the middle of a heated battle for first place in the Atlantic Division, there isn't much good to say about this. You can keep up to date with Sid's ankle at http://sidsankle.blogspot.com/.

Crosby joins the growing list of Pittsburgh athletes who have gone down this year with serious injuries. Guys like fellow Penguins Marc-Andre Fleury, Gary Roberts, and Mark Eaton. Steelers Willie Parker, Aaron Smith, Max Starks, Marvel Smith, Ryan Clark, and Dan Kreider went down in the NFL and kept the Steelers from rising above mediocrity. Pitt Panthers Mike Cook and Levance Fields also went out, essentially ending any hope of a Panther NCAA title this year. Somebody needs to put all the Pirates under house arrest until this injury bug passes. Actually on second thought, let them out. If they get hurt maybe it will keep the Pirates from trading away all our decent players before the All-Star break.

SB XLII: Patriots vs Packers Giants

2008-01-21T12:01:00.000-08:00

Well shit. If I was going to pick an underdog to win yesterday, it sure as hell wouldn't have benn the Giants. Not only did the Giants win their 10th straight road game(an NFL record), but Eli Manning continued his stellar play despite the subzero temps. Eli was the only quarterback that didn't throw a pick yesterday and through the first three games of the playoffs, hasn't thrown a pick yet(I know, I couldn't believe it either). Manning and Plaxico Burress easily went at, around, over, under, and through Packers corner Al Harris pretty much at will, hooking up 11 times for 154 yards while the Packers were never able to get the offense in a groove despite Favre trying his best to get the screen pass to work. Seriously Favre, maybe after the first 4 or 5 were all stopped for a loss you might want to try something else. Maybe give Ryan Grant a few carries her and there. The Giants outplayed the hell out of the Packers, but two late missed field goals allowed the game to go into OT. The Packers got first try at it, but a Favre interception set up a 47 yard field goal by Lawrence Tynes and for the second year in a row, we've got a Manning in the Super Bowl. It was the first ever postseason field goal of more than 40 yards in Lambeau Field.

In the early game, the Chargers put up a valiant effort, but couldn't get it into the endzone and had to settle for 4 field goals. Even with LT on the bench almost the entire game, the Chargers were able to move the ball very well in the first half. Since apparently nobody else is going to mention it, how was the leg-whip on Mike Vrabel not called on the Philip Rivers interception late in the first half? He missed Rivers going down and blatantly swept his legs into Rivers' knees causing him to overthrow the pass right to Asante Samuel. The Patriots quickly scored and the Chargers never saw the lead again. They showed the replay several times and I kept waiting for Jim Nantz to point it out and instead he praised Vrabel's amazing "spin move." I'm not saying it would've changed the final outcome, but that was a huge play that sent all the momentum back to New England. The final straw in the game was Norv Turner pulling a Martyball move and punting on 4th down from the Patriots 36 yard line with less than 10 minutes left and down by two scores. They never saw the ball again. TMQB must've had an aneurysm.

Conference Championships

2008-01-18T09:58:00.000-08:00

Damn, if I didn't have 17 weeks of results to prove otherwise, a person might start to think I know what the hell I'm talking about. 3-1 again last weekend and I remained undefeated in the betting picks in the postseason with 2 more payoffs. With only three NFL games to get my bankroll back to even before I can begin throwing it away on basketball and hockey games, we're betting just about everything we can this weekend. All picks are money picks this week.

Playoff Picks: 6-2

Money Picks*

PACKERS -7 over Giants: Eli came through for us again last week, and for the first time in his career he actually looks like he's enjoying himself and is excited to be playing football. But he's not there yet. Beating a Dallas team that's been mailing it in for the last month in a warm weather game is a little different than beating a revitalized Brett Favre on the frozen tundra. Don't feel bad Eli, you've exceeded everyone's expectations this year and even lasted longer than big brother. Packers: 31-17

Packers/Giants over total (39.5): I've been smoking hot on the over/unders all year, and the Packers proved last week that they can put up points in any weather conditions. We're probably gonna need two touchdowns out of Eli to get this done, but I'm confident that this one hits for me.

Chargers +14 over PATRIOTS: This is crazy, even if Philip Rivers was definitely playing(still day-to-day) this would be a foolish bet, but with Billy Volek running a Norv Turner offense with LT and Antonio Gates not at 100% it's bordering on fucking insane. I'm not talking about bungee jumping or eating fugu, I'm talking about 16 skinned, headless bodies in your freezer insane. Like Kevin Spacey in Se7en insane, but what can I say, the voices in my head say go for it. The Patriots have only covered the spread once in their last seven games, but they are still getting inflated spreads thanks to all the early season games when they ran up the score on their opponents. The Chargers defense should be able to keep them mostly in check, and if the Charger offensive line can keep the blitzes off the Volek long enough for him to chuck the ball up, Vincent Jackson should be able to abuse the NE secondary enough to keep this one close. Patriots: 31-24

Patriots/Chargers over total (46): This one pretty much comes down to the Chargers. If they can put up at least 17 points, the over won't be a problem.

2-team teaser: When has a teaser ever NOT paid off. Really it's like taking candy from a baby. A really, really, pissed off baby grizzly with momma backing it up.
PACKERS -1 over Giants
Chargers +20 over PATRIOTS

4-team teaser: That's right bitches, it's time to put up or shut up. Normally I wouldn't publish all my bets, but when you're on a hot streak you gotta chase it until you run out of track.
PACKERS -1 over Giants
Chargers +20 over PATRIOTS
Packers/Giants over total(33.5)
Patriots/Chargers over total(40)

Playoff Bets: 3-0

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

RIP Ernie Holmes: 1948-2008

2008-01-18T09:56:00.000-08:00

Former Steeler Ernie Holmes died last night in a car accident near Beaumont Texas. The 59 year old defensive tackle played alongside, and in the shadow of, famed defensive linemen Joe Greene, Dwight White, and LC Greenwood as a member of the feared Steel Curtain Defense and took home two Super Bowl rings in 1975 and 1976.

Sorry for the downer, but the dude had to be recognized.

Down to 4!

2008-01-14T12:17:00.000-08:00

Green Bay 42, Seattle 20: I wonder how many people got up Saturday, saw the weather in Green Bay and bet the hell out of the under? I would've, except I got caught up watching Slap Shot before the game and didn't see the weather until it was too late. I gotta say that's the first time a Paul Newman movie has saved me money. Despite an early 14 point lead thanks to two Ryan Grant fumbles, the Seahawks fans knew they were doomed when Brett Favre completed a falling down shovel pass to Greg Jennings on third down that eventually led to another Ryan Grant TD. When plays like that are going Favre's way, the Packers don't lose too often. On the bright side, Josh Brown and his toasty 75 degree legs were perfect on field goals and PAT's. With the Cowboys losing, a Green Bay Super Bowl appearance is looking more and more likely.

New England 31, Jacksonville 20: Jacksonville put up a very respectable showing, but couldn't maintain their momentum in the second half. Anyone else think the decision to not try and score before halftime was stupendously idiotic? You tied the game at 14 and then got the ball back thanks to a missed field goal by the Patriots. Up to this point you've been moving the ball pretty well and you've got almost a minute left. If you can move the ball down and even get a field goal you take all the momentum into halftime. Instead it was almost like they said "Hey, we're tied with the Patriots at halftime. That's a moral victory in and of itself, so why don't we all go warm up and celebrate." And whaddya now, the Patriots come out of halftime and score a quick touchdown and all of a sudden the crowd is going nuts and the Jags are pissing down their legs and settling for field goals. I bet even Gregg Easterbrook's 4 year old nephew wrote "game over" in his notebook.

On another note, I hope you saw Tom Brady's AMAZING fake direct snap thingy they tried. Seriously man, I had no idea where the ball was, it was like the ball just disappeared. For some reason all the sportscasters are still talking about this. Jim Nantz(or maybe it was Phil Simms, I don't remember) even went so far as to praise the Jags for recovering from the AMAZING FAKE and getting back to cover the pass. First of all, the pass was completed, so they didn't cover it all that well. Second of all, they got back and covered the pass well BECAUSE NOBODY WAS FAKED OUT!!! Seriously, if Tom Brady was throwing a tennis ball to a golden retriever and executed a fake throw as well as the fake they did Saturday, the dog wouldn't even move. He'd just sit there and say "what the fuck was that man, quit waving like a dipshit and throw the goddamn ball" (that is, assuming the dog could talk).

San Diego 28, Indianapolis 24: It's very comforting to see our old friend the Peyton Manning Playoff Face. I was afraid we'd seen the last of it when PeyPey took home a ring last year.

It's time for another Peyton Manning Priceless Pep Talk!

Peyton: So you're bummed out about being outplayed by a giant flaming bag of douchiness(and said bag of douchiness' backup) in a playoff game? Well were you at least playing hurt? No? Maybe you were facing a team with a great coach and a history of winning big games? No? Well they must've had one of the games all time great running backs. Oh he got hurt in the first half when you still had the lead. Hmmm, well then I'd say you should probably just put on your saddest, most pathetic face and go watch you're little brother try to get to the Superbowl in only his 4th year. Don't forget to blame your receivers and linemen before you go.

New York Giants 21, Dallas 17: That wasn't a dream was it? Did Eli Manning really just win his second road playoff game in a row? There's only one explanation: Eli's new playoff beard(OK, maybe "beard" is too strong a word. How bout "playoff five o'clock shadow"? I've seen 16 year olds that can grow more facial hair) Shit, ~~Yoko Romo~~ Jessica Simpson even skipped the game to avoid jinxing Tony Romo. Although to be fair, the New York Post did hire a Jessica look-a-like and bought her tickets right behind the Dallas bench to try and throw off Romo's game. It was enough to make TO cry after the game(seriously). And if the Giants front office is wondering what that humongous gift basket that showed up this morning is, it's just a little token of thanks from Brett Favre and the Packers. If you're lucky they'll give you guys some tickets to Phoenix so you can watch Brett Favre play in the Super Bowl.

Edit: Here's a link to Deadspin's post on TO's cry session

Round 2

2008-01-11T09:56:00.000-08:00

I went a solid 3-1 last week, giving me the inevitable boost of confidence I need to royally screw the pooch this week. Here's your divisional round picks.

Jaguars +13 over PATRIOTS: I'm torn. Do I want to see the Patriots do something that will likely never be seen again in my lifetime, if at all, or do I want to see a mass suicide of annoying Boston fans. Well I'm going with the Jags for a few reasons. First of all, I think they match up really well(that has got to be the most overused phrase of the season. There's got to be something better, but I'm hungover so we're just gonna go with it). They've got a punishing run game, the secondary to keep Randy Moss under check, and the defense to keep Brady from getting too comfortable. As the Jags have proven this year, playing in the cold on the road doesn't bother them. They won't be able to let down in the second half against the Patriots like they did in their two games in Pittsburgh though. Plus, if I pick the Jags and they win, I look like a genius, but if I pick the Patriots and they win I'm just another guy who can pick the obvious. Patriots win, but I get the spread. Patriots 31-24.

COLTS -9 over Chargers: How fucking crazy would it be if Norv Turner comes in and takes the Chargers to the big one in his first year after all the shit he took in the first half of the season. Two months ago Marty Schottenheimer was sitting at home chuckling to himself and waiting for the Chargers to beg him to come back. Now he's just hoping that Pete Carroll stays at USC so that maybe the Falcons will throw him a bone. If the Colts hadn't won it all last year, you'd probably have to be liking the Chargers because Manning would still be playing with the stigma of not being able to win the big one. Now though, all the pressure is off him, and he's playing loose and relaxed and confident. With Antonio Gates and Lorenzo Neal gimping and maybe not playing, the Colts win this one and cover. Colts 31-17.

Playoff Picks: 3-1

Money Picks*

PACKERS -7.5 over Seahawks: I wish I could pick the Seahawks, I really do, but I just don't see this one happening. Seahawks are great at home, but they've never traveled well. And while Favre and the Packers haven't been as dominant at home this year as they have in the past, Lambeau Field has got to be one of the hardest places to play a playoff game in the league. With Favre potentially playing the last home game of his career, the Packers and their fans are going to be looking for blood. Plus, I can't - in good conscience - pick a team whose kicker is wearing battery powered pants. That's right, Josh Brown is wearing electric pants that will keep his legs at a balmy 75 degrees no matter how cold it gets in Green Bay. Seriously Josh? Did you just feel that kickers have enough of a tough-guy reputation that announcing the fact that you are going to be sitting on the bench with an electric blanket wrapped around your legs wasn't going to get ridiculed at all? Brett Favre will probably be out there in a short sleeve shirt and you're going to walking around hoping you don't step in a puddle of spilled beer and fry your tiny testes. By the way, if you're betting this game, I would highly recommend buying at least a 1/2 point if not a full point to knock the spread down to 7 or better just in case. Packers 28-20.

Giants +7.5 over COWBOYS: Have you ever gotten a date with a really hot chick that is so far out of your league you can't even believe she gave you her number. Maybe the first date is going pretty well, but you know that there's no way this is really going to happen so you're just kinda of enjoying the fact that everybody in the place is just assuming she's out with you because you're hung like fucking whale. Then at the end of the night you get that kiss and second date and you start thinking this girl has to be either blind or fucking insane. A few days later things still seem too good to be true and you're starting to think maybe she just has a thing for skinny white boys with mullets and it's around this time that she inevitably drops the "maybe we should just be friends" line out of nowhere and bursts your balloon. Well that's what it's like betting on Eli Manning this year. The only question is is this the week that she comes to her senses and drops your sorry ass or does she have one to many glasses of wine and lets you take her shirt off. I don't know, but Manning is 8-1 on the road this year(with their one loss coming in week 1 at Dallas) and Eli has publicly stated that he is much more comfortable playing in warm weather(makes you kinda wonder why the fuck he forced the Chargers to trade him on draft day to the Giants. If I didn't like playing in cold weather I sure as hell wouldn't pass up San Diego for New York). Not to mention TO's hurt ankle and Tony Romo, Keith Whitten, and who knows who else coming off a weeklong gang bang in Mexico with Jessica Simpson and her dad. I'm uncorking another bottle of Yellowtail and going for boobies. Giants 27-21.

Playoff Bets: 1-0

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

It's Back

2008-01-10T11:14:00.000-08:00

It's here. It's almost too soon. I've barely had time to recover from season one, but Bret Michaels is desperate for love, and there is another batch of hair-band whores ready to do anything, and I do mean anything, to be #3 in the threesome with Bret and that hard core bitch of a mistress Rock-n-Roll. So on Sunday, while you're on the sofa recovering from two drunken days of NFL playoff action, basking in the silvery glow of the television reflecting off of empty Rainier tallboys, use some of that last bit of energy to change the channel over to VH1 for the first episode of Rock of Love 2. This is what your mother was talking about when she warned you that TV would rot your brain, and it is glorious. Besides, what else are you going to watch? American fucking Gladiators?

Fuck, speaking of American Gladiators, that was fucking awful. I heard the bad reviews, but still I thought "Well of course its bad, thats what's going to make is so awesome." I was confident that it would be intensely entertaining, if only for the unintentional comedy. I was wrong, it is indescribably unwatchable. I couldn't even make it through the first episode. I tried though, god I tried. When I saw Hulk Hogan flexing and admiring his reflection in the camera lense while Laila Ali was talking I thought maybe. Then we got the contender introductions. The only possible explanation for these ridiculously sappy sob stories, is that they told these people they were actually going on Oprah. I still had hope though. After all, this had been a staple of my young television life. Even now, the reruns on ESPNClassic have aged gracefully and still offer an hour of solid entertainment and a time machine to simpler times. Then Hulk began interviewing contenders without questions! I don't know if this is an effect of the writers strike or not, but holy shit, every time Hulk opened his mouth I cringed. By the time we lost a contender to injury(in fucking powerball no less! at least go down in something cool like joust or breakthrough and conquer) and had to listen to her bawl about letting her kids down, I had given up all hope. I stuck around long enough to watch a gladiator go down to injury as well before turning it off and canceling all future tivo recordings.

That being said, I would still do dirty dirty things to Crush.

Edit: MMA Takedown has the photos from Gina Carano's (aka Crush) recent Maxim shoot

Penguins Flying High

2008-01-09T09:19:00.000-08:00

See what I did there? It's funny because Penguins can't actually fly.

Other than the Winter Classic, I haven't mentioned the Penguins much the last few months, partly because they hadn't been playing all that well, and partly because there were more exciting things going on, like the NFL and the red-hot Blazers. But the Steelers...well we know what happened to the Steelers, and the Blazers streak ended(although after losing the one, they have since won 3 straight again). But the Pens have a bit of a hot streak going as well. Back on December 7th, Pittsburgh goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury left the game in the first period after suffering a high-ankle sprain and many wondered if the Pens, who were already playing below expectations, were in trouble. The Pens however, weren't going to let this get them down, and have since won 10 of 14, including 7 straight. While a big part of that has been their great offensive play, we expect that. With young skaters like Sidney Crosby(last years MVP and this years assist leader), Evgeni Malkin, and Jordan Staal, we know the Penguins can score points. But now we can add goaltending to the list of things the Penguins are kicking ass at, namely because of Ty Conklin, who in just his first year in Pittsburgh, won again last night, beating the Panthers 3-1. With the win, Conklin improved to 8-0 in games he's started this season, and Pittsburgh improved to 42-24-16, just one point behind New Jersey in the Atlantic division. For the season, Conklin has allowed just 1.88 goals per game (compared to Fleury's 2.9 and Dany Sabourin's 2.69) and maintained a .941 save percentage(compared to .902 and .904 for Fleury and Sabourin).

This just in: The Big 10 is still no good

2008-01-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

And in future news, Ohio State is ranked #1 in the 2008 preseason college football rankings. When will they ever learn.

I'll be honest, after OSU opened up a 10-0 lead early in the first quarter, I was a little worried about the beer money I had riding on the game. Was it possible that LSU was even more overrated than OSU? Was this LSU team going to collapse under the pressure of playing from behind with the National Title on the line? Ummm, nope. An interception and a blocked field goal and 31 unanswered points later and the Buckeye's were all but done. Despite coming into the game as the nations top ranked team and the nations best defense, OSU once again suffered an embarassing Championship game loss at the hands of an SEC team. After last years 41-14 beat down by Florida, their 38-24 loss to LSU might not look so bad, but after a 24-10 halftime deficit, OSU was never even in the hunt, despite a garbage time touchdown at the end when they were down 21.

With any luck the polls will get the picture and OSU won't start 2008 off ranked #1, but I wouldn't count on it. As a bonus, the guys over at Fanhouse wondered What if the BCS ran the NFL?

That's all she wrote...

2008-01-07T15:25:00.000-08:00

3 interceptions and a blown kick coverage led to an 18 point deficit in the second half for the Steelers, but even then the game came down to just a single play. A 4th-and-2 with less than 2 minutes left after 2 David Garrard picks(even Ike Taylor managed to not drop an interception, but destiny was only teasing us) allowed the Steeelers to take 29-28 lead. A stop here and the game is over. Unfortunately for Pittsburgh, the Jags line opened a big hole(with the help of some pretty blatant holding I might add) and Garrard went 32 yards for the first down to set up a Josh Scobee field goal that gave them the lead with just 37 seconds left. A Big Ben sack and fumble removed any chance for another 4th quarter comeback and for the first time in team history, the Steelers lost twice at home to the same team in the same season, in a gut-wrenchingly similar game to the one they lost to the Jags 29-22 just a few short weeks ago. With the victory, the Jaguars earned a date with destiny as they travel to Foxboro to take on the Patriots next week.

Despite the early and disappointing end to the Steelers season, they did manage to claim their fist AFC North title in 3 years. Pretty impressive for Mike Tomlin's first season as a head coach at any level of the game. Especially considering they also lost their offensive coordinator(Ken Whisenhunt) and offensive line coach(Russ Grimm) to Arizona. There were plenty of bright spots though, especially on offense. Like Ben's resurgence as a franchise quarterback despite 47 sacks(I guess we could've used ole Russ Grimm back) in the regular season. And Wille Parker leading the league in rushing before breaking his leg in week 16. They will need to address some serious concerns with the offensive line(likely about to get worse with the departure of Alan Faneca to free agency) in the offseason. The pass rush will also need some work, although they do have two promising rookie linebackers in LaMar Woodley and Lawrence Timmons who will only get better.

In the other playoff games, the Seattle defense almost blew the game as they let the Redskins erase a 13 point 4th quarter lead. Luckily they got the two touchdowns back with the help of a couple pick-sixes from Todd Collins and the Seahawks won 35-14(Did the Redskins lost by 21 points to honor Sean Taylor? we may never know) to stay alive in the race to Super Bowl XLII. They'll have to get past the Packers on the frozen tundra next week to do it though. The Giants picked up a win on the road behind a solid Eli Manning performance(I never thought I'd hear those words spoken about a playoff game) and will travel to Dallas to take on the Cowboys. Do you realize that Eli is 8-1 on the road this year? Maybe the Giants should build their home stadium somewhere else. In other "wait...they won it behind their quarterback?" news, the Chargers beat the Titans 17-6 despite only 42 yards rushing from Tomlinson. Philip Rivers 292 yards thru the air gave the Chargers their first postseason victory in 13 years.

If there is any bright spot to the weekend, it's that I went 3-1 in the picks, with the only loss coming from the Titans losing by 11 on a 10 point spread. Even the Steelers were able to cover the spread despite losing. We even won our money pick despite betting on Eli Manning in the playoffs.

And so it begins

2008-01-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

Here come the playoffs! After just 17 short weeks, we are now just 11 games away from another long offseason with no football(unless you count 27 mock drafts a week from ESPN).

SEAHAWKS -3 over Redskins: As good as the Redskins have played over the last few weeks, playing at Seattle is a different environment. He's done a good job the last few weeks of not relying on Shaun Alexander too much, but will the Seahawks be able to keep it up in January when the pass game doesn't come as easy. There is talk of Holmgren retiring after the season(like most walruses, he just wants to relax on the beach and eat fish), so we'll see if he can go out with a bang.
STEELERS +3 over Jaguars: I'd be willing to guess that the Steelers have never been underdogs at home in the first round of the playoffs, but after the beating the Jags gave them a few weeks ago(and that was when they had Willie Parker) I'm surprised it's only a 3 point spread. The injury report for the Steelers is discouraging, with tackle Marvel Smith, DE Anthony Smith(no relation), Parker, and tackle Max Starks among the starters that won't be suiting up. In addition Troy Polamalu is doubtful and Ben and Allen Rossum questionable. Two years ago the Steelers snuck into the playoffs as a 6 seed and walked away with the Lombardi Trophy, partly by beating the Colts, who only a few weeks earlier had destroyed the Steelers in their regular season matchup. This time its the Jaguars they seek their revenge against, and despite being a 4 seed, their job looks to be significantly harder this year.
Titans +10 over CHARGERS: A month ago the Titans lost a heartbreaker in overtime to the Chargers and now they're 10 point underdogs? I think the Chargers probably win again but the Titans will keep it close.

Money Picks*

Giants +3 over BUCS: Eli Manning on the road, as underdogs, in January. This has about as much chance of success as one of the Spears sisters raising a well-adjusted child(exhibit A). Add to that the fact that Sean Salisbury and the rest of the ESPN analysts are talking up the Giants as an upset pick and I'm not sure why I'm still picking them, much less laying money on them. I do know this though, the Giants won in the Tecmo Super Bowl matchup despite only 118 yards and 2 interceptions from Eli. That's good enough for me.

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

NFL Predictions Revisited

2008-01-03T09:15:00.000-08:00

As you may remember, back in August I predicted the final standings for the entire NFL. Now it's time to look back and see how I did. Overall I only got 5 team records exactly right, but I was within 2 wins on nearly half(15 teams). I also managed to get 7 of 8 of the division winners right(missing the Bucs in the NFC South) and my Super Bowl winner(Chargers) is playing pretty good football right now. Unfortunately, thats where the good news ends. I didn't get a single wild card team right and my NFC Champion didn't even make the playoffs. If the Chargers can put together a miracle run and win the Super Bowl as predicted though, all will be validated. So yeah...I'm pretty much fucked. I can take slight consolation in the fact that Sports Illustrated had the Saints winning it all, and only correctly picked 4 division winners and 5 playoff teams.

In picking the games each week, I finished just 7 games under .500 for the season, meaning I was only slightly worse than a meth-addicted monkey flipping a coin. On the gambling picks we definitely left something to be desired, going just 30-38, including a 5-10 run at the end.

On to the prediction recaps...

AFC East

Patriots: Actual Record: 16-0(Predicted Record: 12-4) - What happened? Randy Moss likes playing for a good team apparently. Spygate also let the Patriots play the "nobody respects us" card for most of the season, and the Patriots exceeded everybody's expectations. Plus the entire city of Boston sold their souls to the devil.
Bills: 7-9(10-6) - The Bills were never able to get going. First they dealt with the devastating Kevin Everett injury and then various QB injuries. Marshawn Lynch had a great rookie year that was overshadowed by Adrian Peterson's even better one.
Jets: 4-12(5-11) - Was pretty close on this one, other than I had the Dolphins finishing ahead of them. Whoops.
Dolphins: 1-15(8-8) - Wow, seven wins off on this one and a Baltimore missed field goal away from being 8 wins off. Can't tell you what happened here. Only major injury was Trent Green, and there's no way he would've gotten them more than a couple more wins. The Dolphins just royally sucked it up this year. But the Big Tuna is in charge now, and it's time to clean house

NFC East

Cowboys: 13-3(10-6) - Romo showed that he can play a full season of ball(while leading the league in smiles to boot) and the rest of the offense and the defense were good enough to bail him out when he made mistakes.
Giants: 10-6(4-12) - Mostly the defense. Manning managed to put together a few more decent games than I would've expected. Tom Coughlin also managed to avoid his usual December meltdown. If Eli can hold up, they could easily get past the Bucs in round 1.
Redskins: 9-7(6-10) - The Redskins were on pace until they got hot at the end of the season and won 4 straight. The loss of Sean Taylor probably allowed this team to come together and play like a team better than they have in the past. Seattle is a little worried about these guys right now.
Eagles: 8-8(5-11) - Their schedule ended up being weaker than I expected, plus McNabb managed to make it through the season without a major injury and he played all but two games. Westbrook had another outstanding year

AFC North

Steelers: 10-6(12-4) - Both the offensive and defensive lines struggled all year(KSK's Christmas Ape blames Sean Mahan), allowing for losses to shitty teams like the Jets and the Cardinals. As much as I'd like to say they're going to pull it together in the playoffs, it will probably be a short January for the Black and Gold
Browns: 10-6(4-12) - Wow, I don't think anyone saw this coming. It was quite the year for Oregon State alumn from Scappoose, Oregon. Sara Jean Underwood scored the Playboy Playmate of the Year, and Derek Anderson pulled off a 10 win season for the Browns.
Bengals: 7-9(10-6) - Mostly I forgot that the Bengals just aren't that good.
Ravens: 5-11(9-7) - For one thing they waited a year to long to fire Billick. The quality of defense deteriorated more than I accounted for and was unable to offset the predictably inept offense.

NFC North

Packers: 13-3(9-7) - Brett Favre. Between his amazing play this year and a more experience supporting cast, the Packers and the Cowboys easily separated themselves from the rest of the NFC. Makes me want to buy me some wranglers and split a cord of wood.
Vikings: 8-8(8-8) - How bout that, I nailed this one. These guys played out pretty much as expected, with a solid run game and a mediocre and inconsistent passing game. And the exact same on defense as well. With the amazing play of Purple Jesus, expect Chester Taylor to be starting somewhere else next year. He's too good to be a backup.
Lions: 7-9(6-10) - This was looking to be another ridiculously bad call when they were 6-2. Then the Lions we know and love showed up for the second half of the season.
Bears: 7-9(9-7) - I don't know why I picked a team to finish above .500 when their QB depth chart is Grossman, Griese, Orton.

AFC South

Colts: 13-3(11-5) - The Colts definitely didn't suffer any post-Super Bowl slump, and despite injuries to key players like Marvin Harrison and Dwight Freeney, became one of the few teams to improve their record after a Super Bowl win.
Jaguars: 11-5(7-9) - Garrard played nearly mistake free ball all year and Fred Taylor managed to stay healthy. That and a suffocating defense has this team on a serious roll right going into the playoffs.
Titans: 10-6(10-6) - Woohoo, got another one here. Despite playing in the toughest conference in the league, the Titans still managed to sneak out a wild card spot.
Texans: 8-8(8-8) - Damn, two in one conference. Texans only won twice against playoff teams, but they are showing signs of improvement. By the way that silence is the sound of no one wondering why the Texans took Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bush.

NFC South

Bucs: 9-7(4-12) - Who woulda thunk that a 37 year old QB and a 36 year old receiver would lead the Bucs to a division title. Until they lost two straight to finish the season, they were looking like serious trouble for the NFC contenders.
Panthers: 7-9(8-8) - The Panthers probably consider this season a success considering the QB problems they had. They started Vinny Testaverde in multiple games for God's sake.
Saints: 7-9(11-5) - No excuses for the Saints, if they can manage a 10-6 season and a trip to the NFC Championship game a year after Katrina they should have easily won their division this year. The Saints made me look like an idiot doubly this year as I picked them to win the Super Bowl and I started Drew Brees for most of the year on my dismal fantasy team.
Falcons: 4-12(5-11) - Wow! The Falcons had about the worst year you can imagine with the Vick fiasco and then their head coach pulling a Nick Saban and announcing he was quitting by post-it note before the season was even over.

AFC West

Chargers: 11-5(11-5) - 6 weeks ago it looked like my other Super Bowl pick was going to miss the playoffs too, then Norv saw some highlights from last year and decided to give LT a shot and the Chargers pulled of 6 straight and #3 seed in the playoffs.
Broncos: 7-9(10-6) - Jay Cutler didn't have a bad year, but a shoddy defense doomed the Broncos.
Chiefs: 4-12(10-6) - The usually strong AFC West was absolutely horrible this year. The Chiefs couldn't do anything all year.
Raiders: 4-12(3-13) - Some people(I won't mention names) were convinced the Raiders were going to make a run at the playoffs this year. I wasn't convinced, but I would be curious to see what this team might've done if JaMarcus Russell hadn't held out during training camp.

NFC West

Seahawks: 10-6(10-6) - This team could have been 12-4 if Holmgren hadn't tried to rely on a washed up Shaun Alexander so long.
Cardinals: 8-8(9-7) - Like the Panthers, given the QB problems the Cardinals have got to be happy with a .500 season, especially with a new coach.
49ers: 5-11(4-12) - Rookie LB Patrick Willis was amazing this year, but a poor year from Frank Gore and the offense doomed this team from the start.
Rams: 3-13(9-7) - Injuries to Stephen Jackson and the offensive line, combined with Marc Bulger playing like shit kept the Rams from doing anything, even in the poor NFC West.

R.I.P. 2007

2008-01-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Here's what you missed while you were drinking yourself into oblivion(New Years Eve) and recovering from a brutal champagne and whiskey hangover(New Years Day)

Despite a career high 36 points from LaMarcus Aldridge, the Blazers were unable to extend their streak to 14 games Monday night and lost to the Jazz 111-101. Despite their 13 game win streak, the Blazers are still only 3-10 on the road, while the Jazz are 11-3 at home. The Blazers are in Minnesota tonight to take on the T-wolves in what will hopefully be their 4th road win of the year.
Rock of Love with Bret Michaels and Shot at Love with Tila Tequila are back already for their second season so there will be no shortage of so-shitty-it's-awesome reality tv in 2008.
Robbie Maddison set a new world record in Las Vegas for a distance jumped on a motorcycle. 40 years to the day after Evel Knievel crashed while attempting a 151' jump over the fountains at Caesars Palace, Maddison landed a 322' jump over a football field, breaking the old world record of 307'. Immediately after the first jump, Maddison decided to try again, and once again landed safely, but was unable to beat his first jump.
In the NHL's first outdoor hockey game since 2003, the Penguins scored just 21 seconds into the game, but still needed a Sidney Crosby shootout goal to beat the Buffalo Sabres in Buffalo.
Michigan proved once again it is the only Big 10 team capable of beating an SEC team in a bowl game when they beat Florida 41-35 in the Capital One Bowl. The nice thing about bowl games is that there are so many teams to follow, the public tends to rely on polls and the opinions of sports writers a little too much. This forces Vegas to push lines way out of whack to keep the betting even. This was a perfect case. All anyone remembers about Michigan this year is that they lost to App. State so the public gave them no chance against the defending champion Gators. At 10.5 point underdogs, Michigan was almost a sure thing. Since sure things aren't nearly as much fun though, I took it a step further and picked Michigan outright and despite their best efforts to throw the game away with red zone turnovers, Michigan finished on top and earned me a 3.3:1 payout.
In another example of a mis-informed public giving us a great betting opportunity, we look at the Sugar Bowl between Hawaii and Georgia. This was one of the rarer cases of the public pushing the line toward the favorite. Everyone had convinced themselves that undefeated Hawaii got a raw deal by not getting to the National Championship game and were undoubtedly going to do to Georgia what Boise State did to Oklahoma last year and I got a great line of only 8.5 points.
More on Hawaii. I know we all like to see these cinderella stories work out like they did last year with BSU, but lets be honest, that was a fluke. Yes Boise was good last year, but even against a seriously overrated Oklahoma team last year, they needed 3 trick plays and ALOT of luck to win that game. Hawaii this year was nowhere near as good as that BSU team and Georgia was an extremely good SEC team that snuck in under the radar this year(they had a legitimate claim to play the title game). Until the lesser conferences like the Mountain West start scheduling - and winning - non-conference games against the BCS conferences like the SEC, PAC10, Big 10, and even Big East, putting them in the National Championship game is like putting a JV team in against a varsity team in a high school state championship just because the JV team went undefeated against all the other JV teams.
LSU by 4.5 points is the latest line in the title game next monday. I'll be seriously surprised if LSU doesn't roll over Ohio State by at least 10, and it'll probably be by at least 17.

Make it a baker's dozen!

2007-12-31T11:58:00.001-08:00

13 in a row. The 2nd longest win streak in team history for the Blazers(they had a 16 game streak in 1990-1991 when they went on to lose in the conference finals). A monster fourth quarter, led once again by Travis Outlaw, propelled Portland to their largest win of the season as they beat Philadelphia 97-72 after trailing 45-36 at the half. In what is becoming a regular occurrence, Outlaw didn't do much for three quarters of the game, but came out hot in the 4th, putting up 10 of his 12 points and getting a couple blocks on the other side of the court. 2 of his points came on a ginormous dunk over Rodney Carney as he led the Blazers on a 21-0 run to open the 4th quarter. The Blazers went on to outscore the 76ers 35-9 in the 4th quarter, and even rookie Josh McRoberts got in the game and scored a couple baskets for his first points of the year.

Although the win put them in a tie with the Nuggets for the division lead, the Blazers don't have long to enjoy it, they travel to Utah tonight for division matchup in the first of 3 road games. Utah should be the toughest of the 3, but if the Blazers legs hold up in the 2nd half on the short rest, they should win and will then go visit underachieving teams in Minnesota and Chicago.

The city of Portland is definitely enjoying the win streak, the Rose Garden has already had more sellout crowds this year than they did all of last year, and have had 4 straight games of more than 20,400 people(there are only 19,980 seats).

16-0: Congrats Patriots

2007-12-31T11:55:00.000-08:00

Thats all folks. The regular season is a wrap, and for the first time in NFL history, a team has finished 16-0. Big props to the Patriots for the historical feat, and as for the New England fans: fuck off and die. It'll also be interesting to see if Belichick manages the Coach of the Year award, considering it wasn't long ago that most people were ready to string him up for the SpyGate incident and wanted his Super Bowls asteriskicized.

The playoffs are set now, with 4 wild card matchups this weekend. Redskins at Seahawks, Jags at Steelers, Giants at Bucs, and Titans at Chargers. Green Bay and Dallas got the two NFC byes, and New England and Indy get off weeks for the AFC. I'll get into these more later in the week.

After a 7-8-1 week(2-2 in the money though) I finish the regular season with a 119-126-13 record. Unfortunately, I only managed a 30-38 record on the games I put money on(actually worse, since I had a few unpublished bets that didn't work out so well either). But that's alright, cause this the playoffs are where the real money is made. I also got paid on all of my futures bets with the Bills, Titans, and Steelers all hitting the over on number of wins for the season.

On Wednesday or Thursday, I'm going to revisit my pre-season predictions to see how far off I was. It could be ugly, especially since my NFC champ didn't even bother to make the playoffs.

Week 17: Looking ahead to the playoffs

2007-12-28T10:44:00.001-08:00

This week is pretty much a crapshoot. With only 5 games being played that have any playoff implications(7 if you count the Chargers and Steelers games as the 3/4 seeds still have not been determined), there will be alot of backups playing in the second halves of games. After I shit the bed again last week, it's going to take a miracle for me to get above .500 for the regular season and since there's no way I'm betting on 8 games this week, I am destined to finish below .500 on the money picks.

There's really no avoiding it now. In just a few days, the New fucking England Patriots are going to be 16-0. Goddammit, why does it have to be the Patriots? The sad part is that Eli and the Giants are probably going to come out and try and win this one, making it all the more embarrassing when they lose. That being said...

GIANTS +14 over Patriots: Only because its the right thing to do
Bengals -3 over DOLPHINS: Really? I'm supposed to spend more than 1.3 seconds even considering this game?
Bills +8 over EAGLES
BUCS -3 over Panthers
Jags -6 over TEXANS: Is this line right? I know the Jags are probably resting people, but come on
BEARS +2 over Saints: One of the few games with playoff implications. Saints need a win, a Vikings loss, and a Redskins loss. Maybe next year Saints.
BROWNS -10 over 49ers: Browns need a win and help after letting the Bengals beat them last week. They'll do their part.
Vikings -3 over BRONCOS: Vikings need a win and help to get in the party
Steelers -3 over RAVENS: No Ben, no Troy, no Silverback, no Fast Willie. I'll still give Chaz Batch 3 points against the Ravens in this rivalry matchup. The Steelers are 5-0 in division matchups so far and looking for a sweep.
Rams +6 over CARDINALS
Chargers -8 over RAIDERS: If the Chargers lose and the Steelers win, the Steelers will get the #3 seed and a much better playoff road. I hope I'm wrong on this one.
JETS -6 over Chiefs

Season: 112-118-12

Money Picks*

Betting on any of these games is seriously idiotic, but luckily for us, I'm an idiot. Plus we need to build up the bankroll for the playoff run.

Seahawks -1.5 over FALCONS: Did I miss the news that Seattle is starting Charlie Frye or something?
PACKERS -4.5 over Lions
Cowboys +9 over REDSKINS: Do you really think the Cowboys aren't going to try and spoil the Redskins playoff chances?
COLTS +6 over Titans: I think Vegas is over estimating the effect of resting a few starters for the higher seeded teams

Season: 28-36

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Bye Bye Kevin, the streak is eleven

2007-12-26T08:56:00.000-08:00

Fuck man, if the Blazers stretch this thing to 12 games on Friday I'm gonna have a helluva time trying to come up with something to rhyme with 'twelve'. Portland took care of another division team as they beat Kevin Durant and the Sonics 89-79 on Christmas Day. Their 11 game streak is the longest in the NBA this year and Portlands longest win streak since they won 12 back in 2001-2002. It also ties the NBA record for the longest win streak by a team that lost 50 games the previous season. The Blazers won despite shooting less than 40% from the field, and the starters all struggled. Even Roy, who finished with a team-high 17 points only made 7 of his 23 shots, but his 11 points in the 3rd opened up the game for the Blazers. The Blazer bench once again stepped up big, outscoring the starters 48-41, led by Jarrett Jack who also had 17 points.

The Blazers remain just a half-game back of the Nuggets with two games left on their current home stand. Their next 5 games come against the Timberwolves(4-22), the 76ers(11-16), at the Jazz(15-14), at the Timberwolves, and then they finish the road trip at Chicago(9-16). Obviously the Jazz look to be the biggest challenge of those games, but the Blazers have won 2 in a row against the Jazz already during this win streak.

I know hindsight is 20/20 and everything looks great now, but lets look back at the draft real quick. If the Blazers had taken Durant(which I argued vehemently for) instead of Oden are they playing anywhere near the level they are right now. That might sound crazy since the guy they drafted instead(Oden) is sitting on the bench all season after knee surgery, but if they take Durant, they probably don't make the Zach Randolph trade, and this becomes a completely different team.

Half-ass Xmas Eve Weekend Recap

2007-12-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

Mike McCarthy told Jon Ryan not to punt to Devin Hester. Apparently the Packers interpreted that as "just let the Bears block the punts"
Browns get back to their roots and lose big game. Steelers benefit with their first division title since 2004.
Eli tries to lose in honor of Kevin Everett who was in attendance in Buffalo Sunday. Dickhead running backs and defense win it for the Giants anyway.
TV ads would lead you to believe the best gifts for men are electric razors. Bullshit, we don't like shaving. Razors are a present for you, not us. If you buy your man a razor for Xmas, you can't get mad when he buys you a vacuum or power drill for your anniversary.
0-4 so far on my week 16 money picks. Christmas morning is gonna kinda suck, because I've already pawned all the gifts under the tree to buy my Christmas booze.
In honor of the real Jesus' birthday, Purple Jesus takes day off, Vikings lose.
I think we can all agree that Sexy Santa cheerleaders are awesome. Can we make this a year round fashion trend?

Oh F*%k!!

2007-12-21T09:08:00.000-08:00

Steelers 41, Rams 24

Fast Willie is out for the season. More on that in a bit. It was a huge night of Steel City showdowns last night. We had the Steelers, Pitt, and the Penguins all playing big games. We'll start with the Steelers. They got the win, which means they now only need a Tennessee loss to clinch a playoff spot, and/or a Cleveland loss to clinch the division. Unfortunately, it came at a huge cost, as Willie Parker, the NFL's leading rusher, went down for the season with a broken leg on the second play of the game. In his stead, Najeh "Dumptruck" Davenport filled in admirably, putting up a Parker-like line of 123 yards on 24 carries and a TD, and also added a receiving TD. The loss of Parker is huge, but I think Davenport will be able to pick up most of the slack. He's no Parker, he lacks the agility, outside speed, and acceleration of Willie, but he's much more of a bruiser and breaks more tackles than Willie. He won't bust out any 60+ yard runs, but he's much better at running inside, and he's not exactly a slouch in the speed department either. With the way the offensive line has been playing(they gave up another 4 sacks last night), it might work out to have a back that can run over a few linebackers(I'm trying to stay positive here). Ben played extremely well, posting a perfect quarterback rating of 158.3(who's fucking idea was it to have a perfect rating be 158.3? You couldn't round that off to a more even number) for the second time this year and the third time in his career. That ties Peyton Manning for the NFL record. The offensive line looked a little better, but still gave up 4 sacks and Ben was under pressure alot. The defense was up and down. They gave up over 300 yards and 24 points to the Rams, but were able to keep Steven Jackson in check most of the time. He did bust one loose for 36 yards, but they still held him to only 85 yards on the day. The Steelers finally managed to get a sack, their first since the December 2 game against the Bengals, and did get some pressure on Bulger and Frerotte. They are still missing way too many tackles though. They have some time off now before traveling to Baltimore for the season finale, and it's safe to say they need to make some major improvements on both lines and in the secondary if they want to make any noise in the playoffs.

#9 Pitt 65, #7 Duke 64, OT

Duke had won 36 straight games in December, but was unable to overcome the loss of Dick Vitale, who is out until February with a vocal cord injury. After Pitt went into halftime down by 12, they came out hot in the second half and Levance Fields eventually hit a three-ball with 4.7 seconds left in overtime to keep Pitt undefeated. Pitt also had a big injury, as senior Mike Cook went down with a serious knee injury in the second half.

Penguins 5, Bruins 4, SO

Another overtime game. The Penguins took an early 4-0 lead, and Sid "the Kid" Crosby broke out of a bit of a slump to get 3 points(2 G, 1 A) in the first period, but the Penguins still needed a shootout to get the win after they gave up 4 unanswered goals to the Bruins. Even though Sidney is arguably the best player in the NHL right now, there is one thing he had never done in his 194 career games: get in a fight. Well he finally got that milestone Thursday night with a Gordie Howe Hat Trick(goal, assist, and fight) when he dropped the gloves and went toe-to-toe with Boston tough guy Andrew Ference and left Ference battered and bleeding.

Blazers Note

Even though it isn't a Steel City team, one quick note on the Blazers game tonight. It won't be for the Division lead since the Nuggets won last night and currently has a 1.5 game lead over the Blazers, but Portland should have the advantage as Denver needed 2 OT's to get their win and now have to travel to the Rose Garden on tired legs to face the Blazers. There will likely be a soldout crowd(including yours truly) as the Portland fans come out to get their Sergio Rodriguez bobblehead and hopefully watch the Blazers stretch their win streak to 10 straight games.

Week 16

2007-12-20T10:28:00.000-08:00

So football...I'll be completely honest, I am seriously concerned about tonights game. After the way Fred Taylor and the Jags tore through the Steelers D last Sunday, a healthy Stephen Jackson down in St Louis is a bit worrisome. The secondary is likely going to mixed up again, with Anthony "Guarantee" Smith likely being benched for Tyrone Carter after being beaten 3 times for 50+ yard TD's in the last 2 games. Cornerback Ike Taylor could also be out with a sore knee, and Bryant McFadden would get the start there if Taylor sits. The rest of the defense is pretty beaten up as well. Travis Kirschke, who replaced starting DE Aaron Smith last week got banged up against the Jags, but will likely play tonight. LB Clark Haggans is probably out with a knee, and will probably be replaced by rookie LaMar Woodley making his first career start. The offensive line, which has been remarkably bad all year, gets even worse as LT Marvel Smith will be out with a bad back and replaced by 3rd year lineman Trai Essex.

I said last week that the Jags game was likely a must-win game for Pittsburgh, and they lost. Well this week and next week are definitely must-win games, as Cleveland will likely win out. If the Steelers can win out, they will probably face Jacksonville again in a first round matchup.

The Pro Bowl roster was announced earlier this week, and I am happy to say that slain Redskins safety Sean Taylor was posthumously selected to his 2nd consecutive Pro Bowl. Taylor was the leading vote getter at safety even before his death, and maintained that lead through the end of voting. 5 Steelers were selected, including Ben and LB James Harrison getting their first ever selection. Alan Faneca was named to his 7th, Fast Willie, his 2nd, and Polamalu his 4th. Only Faneca and Harrison were named to the starting roster.

Now we'll get to the picks. After opening my damn mouth about my hot streak last weekend, the Football Gods punished my boasting with a 6-10 finish that will make it much more difficult for me to end the year above .500. We only managed a 2-3 on the money picks, with the Ravens choking against the Dolphins and the inevitable Giants collapse finally showed itself(I told you I was going to regret picking them over the Redskins). Two weeks left, lets finish it right.

Steelers -7.5 over RAMS: Like I said, this is a must win. If the Steelers can't win a must win game over a 3-11 team in December than they don't even deserve to make the playoffs
PANTHERS +11 over Cowboys: The Cowboys have disappointed everytime they've been double digit favorites on the road this year. Now it's time for the Panthers to disappoint me. Cowboys win by 7 or less.
Browns -2.5 over BENGALS: When the Bengals look back on this year, at least they'll be able to say no one got thrown in jail. I guess you gotta start somewhere
COLTS -7 over Texans: The Texans are playing better again, but the Colts are looking to wrap up that #2 seed.
BILLS +3 over Giants: Bills showed they couldn't play well in the snow last week, but Eli in the snow? That could be downright comical.
JAGUARS -13 over Raiders: Fred Taylor should have another great game this week
SAINTS -3 over Eagles: One of the few games with virtually no playoff implications, but the Saints still have a very small outside chance
FALCONS +10.5 over Cardinals: With the Cardinals sliding, this was just too many points for me
PATRIOTS -21.5 over Dolphins: The Patriots seem to have gotten over their need to win by 35 every week, but this one still won't be close
SEAHAWKS no line over Ravens: No line on this one, but Seahawks win by 17.
Chiefs +5 over LIONS: I was going to go with the Lions here, but I've already picked 11 home favorites this week, Plus, who gives a shit about this game,

Season: 105-110-11

Money Picks*

Packers -8.5 over BEARS: The Packers are the best team against the spread this year, and the Bears just lost a game to the Vikings when they were +4 on turnovers.
Bucs -6 over 49ERS: 49ers are getting fewer points this week thanks their win over Cincy last week. I'm not fooled though, Bucs by 14.
CHARGERS -8.5 over Broncos: It looks like someone finally told Norv Turner that Tomlinson is on his team and that he doesn't have to rely on Philip Rivers to try and win games. That is a very good thing for the Chargers
VIKINGS -6.5 over Redskins: The Bucs and Seahawks are both praying the Vikings collapse and they don't have to play the Purple Jesus in the first round of the playoffs. One of them will be seriously disappointed in just a few weeks.
TITANS -8.5 over Jets: The Titans will run up and down the field all day long in this one

Season 27-31

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Nine is Fine!!

2007-12-20T10:27:00.000-08:00

We're starting with NBA action again this week. The Blazers just won't quit. Less than three weeks ago, the Blazers lost an ugly game at San Antonio that was their 9th loss in 10 games. The next night Outlaw came up clutch at Memphis for the Blazers first road win of the year and they haven't looked back since. Last nights 101-96 win over Toronto in the Rose Garden was their 9th straight win, and with Boston losing to the Pistons, Portland now owns the longest current win streak in the NBA. And it's not exactly happening against chump teams, of those 9 wins, the last 6 have come over playoff teams from last year, and all those teams are above .500. The Blazers are now just a single game behind the Nuggets for the division lead. After the Nuggets play the Rockets at home Thursday night, they will travel to Portland the very next night for a rematch of last Sunday's loss to Portland in what could decide the current leader in the Northwest division.

Last nights win was a hard fought battle, with both teams shooting better than 50%(actually Toronto shot exactly 50%). Both teams were playing so well, that every player that stepped onto the court for either team ended with at least on assist, and only the Raptors Darrick Martin failed to get any points. Toronto led most of the game(Portland only led for 6:44), but a strong defensive effort in the 4th quarter in which the Blazers held the Raptors to just 6-19 shooting and 13 points, gave Portland the win after trailing by as many as 8 in the second half. Just a day after he had to sit out of practice with the flu, reigning Rookie of the Year Brandon Roy came up with another huge performance, leading all scorers with 25 points to go along with his 9 rebounds and 8 assists. Aldridge, in his first game back after missing the last 5 with plantar faciitis, added 15 points and 7 rebounds. Mr 4th Quarter, Travis Outlaw, struggled again from the field, shooting just 4 of 12, but made several key shots and had some huge defensive stops in the 4th quarter and finished with 11 points and 7 rebounds.

Roy has already won two consecutive Western Conference Player of the Week honors, and if he keeps playing this way he will probably win another and could very well play his way into an All-Star selection. You can vote for Roy and the other All Stars here:

NCAA Football Bracket Bracket

2007-12-18T17:55:00.000-08:00

The BCS works out about as well as a one-legged man humping a football, or is it a monkey in an ass-kicking contest, or maybe I'm confused, but the point is the BCS isn't very effective at deciding a definitive national champion. Sure you could do a plus-one system, but what about when there are 6 or 7 teams like this year. Obviously the only reasonable choice is an 8-team playoff...except that now instead of one or two top 5 teams bitching about being left out, now you have 4 or 5 teams bitching and asking for a 12 team playoff with byes. I could go on and on like this forever, and we'd never come up with a system we could all agree on. So Matt Sussman over at Blogcritics did the only reasonable thing left to do: A playoff system to decide on a playoff system. With tournament ideas like the 97 team playoff, the Xbox 360 simulated season, and even the plus shaped field with 4 teams battling it out at once, there is something for everybody. So vote for your favorites and by this time next year there will be no controversy at all surrounding the NCAA football champion.

thanks to Deadspin for the story

Eight is Great!

2007-12-18T08:43:00.000-08:00

Despite having played the 5th hardest schedule in the NBA up to this point, the Trailblazers are back above .500 and only 1.5 games out of the division lead after their 8th straight win. Despite a horrendous 42% team shooting percentage, and an even worse 1 for 12 effort by Outlaw, the Blazers beat the Hornets last night in the Rose Garden 88-76. The Blazers shot just 34% in the first half and had trouble containing Tyson Chandler on the boards throughout the game, but good defense allowed them to pull away in the second half. Brandon Roy continued his spectacular play with 24 points, including one catch-and-shoot 3 in the 4th that barely beat the shot clock and put them up by 5. The Blazers will get a chance to extend the streak to 9 games on Wednesday against the Toronto Raptors.

Portland Streaking

2007-12-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

Hot damn the Blazers are...well blazing(sorry, I couldn't resist). They picked up their 7th in a row(3rd in a row on the road) last night to move to .500 on the year. The Blazers had lost 9 in a row at Denver, and 15 of the last 17, but the Nuggets were no match for the hottest team in the west right now. The Blazers get to come home now for a 5 game stand, including another one against the Nuggets on Friday. With their other games coming against New Orleans, Toronto, Seattle, and Minnesota, the Blazers will look to continue winning. With the Nuggets and Jazz in a bit of a slump, and the Blazers just 2 games out of the lead for the Northwest Division, it isn't much of a stretch to think the Blazers could go into the new year as the leaders in the Northwest.

The hot streak comes at a surprising time for the Blazers who have been without leading scorer LaMarcus Aldridge for the last 4 games due to plantar fasciitis in his right foot. Brandon Roy has been playing well and had a double-double Sunday night, tying a career high with 11 assists to go with his 26 points, but the big story has been the play of Travis Outlaw and Joel Przybilla. Outlaw has been nearly unstoppable in the win streak, hitting big shot after big shot and playing extremely tight defense. Meanwhile Joel has been absolutely dominant inside, racking up 12 blocks and 39 rebounds(not too mention taking several charges per game) over the last 4 games. Coming into this year, I wasn't too optimistic about either of these guys. I thought Outlaw was too inconsistent, and I know a few games isn't enough to call him a consistent player, but when Aldridge went out we needed someone to step up and he did, big time. As for Przybilla, I thought he was too soft, and when Oden went out, I was worried about the Blazers inside defense, but Przybilla has become a serious force to be reckoned with. I am officially on the Outlaw/Przybilla bandwagon.

Steelers drop another

2007-12-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning I was thinking "this is what Steeler football is all about." A home game in December, the snow flying, a playoff spot waiting in the wings, a single victory was all that was needed to clinch it. The Steelers were looking to complete a perfect home record. They were even playing a Jacksonville team so used to playing in the warm Florida sun, that many of their players stared in wonder at the airport as they witnessed snow for the first time. These were the games Bill Cowher lived for, and in his day the game plan was simple: pound the shit out of the running game, play relentless defense, and control the ball and the clock. But instead, the Jaguars outrushed the Steelers on the ground, out played them on defense, maintained a 15 minute time-of-possession advantage, and just plain out-toughed the Steelers, who have lost two in a row for the first time this season. The Steelers won't have much time to heal up and improve the depressingly mediocre lines(both offensive and defensive) as they have to travel to St. Louis for a Thursday game against the Rams in what is even more of a must win game than Sunday was. With the Browns winning a defensive struggle against the Bills Sunday, they moved into a tie for first in the AFC North with the Steelers. With the Steelers holding the tiebreaker over the Browns, the magic number remains at 2 with just two weeks remaining. Any combination of 2 wins by the Steelers or losses by the Browns will give the AFC North title to rookie coach Mike Tomlin.

The big news of the weekend though was the Miami Dolphins. After being behind by 10 in the third quarter, the Dolphins looked doomed to pick up their 14th loss of the season, but the Ravens bailed them out and after Matt Stover missed a 44-yard field goal in overtime, the Dolphins took over and needed just 3 plays to get their first win of the season on a 64-yard Cleo Lemon to Greg Camarillo touchdown pass. It is somewhat fitting(or ironic or funny, I don't know, but I'm sure it's something) that the 2007 Dolphins picked up their first win of the season on the day that many of the 1972 Dolphins were in attendance to serve as honorary captains and celebrate the 35th anniversary of their perfect season.

Also in perfect season notes, the Jets took advantage of the New England weather to avoid getting blown out by the 14-0 Patriots, but were still handed a 20-10 loss at the hands of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick who moved one game closer to matching the 1972 Dolphins standard of perfection.

Shit's about to hit the fan

2007-12-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

In just a few hours, the Mitchell Report on the investigation into performance-enhancing drugs will be released. I've already heard rumors this morning that Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte are named in it. This is gonna get interesting if there actually are big names on this thing other than Barry Bonds.

The Blazers are on a hot streak now, having won 5 in a row, including 2 rare road wins. Their last two wins also came without leading scorer LaMarcus Aldridge who is currently day-to-day with plantar fasciitis. Last nights win against Golden State in the Rose Garden moved the Blazers up to 10-12, just 4 games back from Denver. On Friday the Blazers will host the struggling Jazz who have lost 5 in a row, including a game to the Blazers Tuesday night in Salt Lake. An Oregonian headline today also announced that the Rose Garden is looking for a corporate partner to buy naming rights to the Rose Garden as well.

Now on to the good stuff. Tonight we get another exciting Thursday matchup with Denver traveling to Texas to take on Houston. Once again the NFL Network is hosing themselves by scheduling late season matchups that nobody cares enough about to travel to a bar to watch, much less pay money for the NFL Network to watch. This week though they will try to redeem themselves with a Saturday night game between two teams fighting it out for...aww fuck it, I'm not even going to try to make a Cincinnati/San Fran game sound exciting. Nice work NFL, the first year you try to make people pay for your channel and you come out blazing with both barrels with matchups like Bears/Redskins, Broncos/Texans, and Bengals/49ers. You'd be hard pressed to get me to watch these games if I had the channel for free.

Sunday we get some better games(on free channels no less...fuck and yeah). Games like the Patriots and Jets. You might be thinking that this game isn't not worth watching because it will just be a blowout, but theres several reasons to watch. 1) because Brady and Moss might break every single game passing/receiving record set in a single afternoon. 2) Since they're playing in New England, when the Jets are on the field you will hear the loudest 'boos' in the history of sporting events. and C) To see the post-game Belichick/Mangini handshake that could very well end in a Mortal Kombat style fatality with Belichick ripping Mangini's arm completely off and giving it to Brady who launches it 40 yards, piercing Mangini through the eye-socket. Belichick will then release the secret video tape of the incident onto YouTube.

Last week we had another solid week, pulling in an 11-5 record overall and a solid 3-1 in the money picks. That makes me just one game below .500 overall for the year. Since my week 10 debacle of 2-12, I've put up a pretty solid record of 39-24-2 and 9-5 in the money picks. Now you might think that makes me due for a little confidence correction where I go 3-13 or something, but you'd be wrong. This week we go above .500 in the overall picks and the money picks. I guarantee it.*

Broncos -1 over TEXANS: I think the Broncos are getting a pretty good line here after the Texans impressed everybody against the Bucs last week.
49ers +10 over BENGALS: The Bengals don't deserve 10 points against the Dolphins, but seriously, who really gives a fuck about this game?
SAINTS -3.5 over Cardinals: Anytime you're picking a Saints game against a halfway decent team, just go ahead and flip a coin.
STEELERS -3.5 over Jaguars: The Steelers haven't lost at home yet, and this is pretty much a must win game for them going into a short week and a Thursday road game. No Aaron Smith is going to hurt the run defense, but they'll get it done.
BUCCANEERS -13.5 over Falcons: Talk about a rough week for the Falcons. Vick goes to jail, they lose an ugly Monday Night game, and their coach tells them he's quitting with a 4 line letter. Thats like junior high break up shit right there, I guess they're lucky he didn't text them or have a friend tell them while he hid in the parking lot.
PATRIOTS -23.5 over Jets: This is going to be better than watching crocodiles hunt gazelles on Animal Planet
Bills +6 over BROWNS: This is a little bit of wishful thinking on my part, but it's not completely out of the question
Seahawks -7.5 over PANTHERS: Seahawks are back on track, they could be an interesting matchup in the playoffs
Lions +11 over CHARGERS: This is not the last road underdog I'm picking. Sorry.
COWBOYS -11 over Eagles: This is actually a tough one with this many points. The Eagles have lost 3 in a row against playoff teams that they should have won. If the Cowboys weren't looking to make a statement after almost losing to the Lions last week, this would be upset city.
Bears +11 over VIKINGS: Kyle Orton baby, could almost be Sexy Rexy's twin. He also plays like Rex...only not as consistent.

Season: 99-100-11

Money Picks**

Packers -10 over RAMS: The Packers are starting to act like the Patriots in the first half of the season. They are winning and covering everything.
Ravens -3.5 over DOLPHINS: One 0-14 coming right up
Titans -4 over CHIEFS: Titans are fighting to get that playoff spot, and Arrowhead hasn't been as hard as usual to play in this year
Colts -10.5 over RAIDERS: This is the last road favorite I'm picking, I promise
GIANTS -4.5 over Redskins: Oh man am I going to regret this. I don't have the numbers, but I think Eli has already won more December games this year(2) than the rest of his career combined. The collapse is imminent.

Season: 25-28

* I don't actually guarantee it
** Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

This won't help the pass rush

2007-12-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

Pittsburgh Defensive End Aaron Smith is done for the season. Smith had to replaced several times in Sunday's loss to the Patriots and later tests revealed the tear. Since Pittsburgh uses more 3-4 defenses, Smith isn't used much as a pass-rusher, but he is an excellent run defender and by tying up offensive linemen, is key in the Steelers linebackers getting to the quarterback, something that hasn't happened nearly enough this season. Smith has been placed on injured reserve and the starting job will probably go to Nick Eason. Rookie Ryan McBean(No, not the mascot, that's McBeam, with an 'm') as also been promoted to the 53 man roster as well.

Match Game

2007-12-11T12:11:00.000-08:00

Simple little game, just match the NFL star and crime to the sentence received:

A) Leonard Little - While driving in 1998 with a BAC of 0.19(more than double the legal limit), Little ran a stop light, hitting another vehicle and killing Susan Gutweiler
B) Ray Lewis - Involved in a fight at a 2000 Super Bowl party in which 2 people were stabbed to death. Lewis was seen hitting at least one of the victims and telling witnesses to keep quiet. He later dumped a bag containing his bloody suit in a dumpster. When questioned by police, Lewis lied and said he didn't know the other two suspects.
C) Pacman Jones - The worst of many incidents was a 2007 fight at a Las Vegas strip club that ended with one man paralyzed from a gunshot wound
D) Michael Vick - bankrolled a dog-fighting ring and admitted to executing several dogs and gambling on dogfights.

1) Pleaded no contest to disorderly conduct. Received 1 year probation, community service, and anger management classes.
2) Received 60 days in jail and community service for involuntary manslaughter.
3) Plead guilty. Received 23 months in jail and 3 years probation.
4) Plead guilty to obstruction of justice. Received 1 year probation.

Answer key:
A-2: Little was allowed to serve his sentence in the offseason in a work house. 6 years later after the crime had been wiped from his record, he received another DWI for which he received 2 more years probation.
B-4: Murder and assault charges against Lewis were dropped in exchange for his guilty plea to a misdemeanor charge of obstruction of justice.
C-1: Jones also received a one-year suspension from the NFL.
D-3: Vick was sentenced on December 10, 2007. The sentence could have been as high as 5 years, but was still higher than the federal sentencing guidelines of 1-18 months.

Just to recap, we've got 4 athletes, 3 people dead, one person paralyzed for life, and an unspecified number of dogs executed(Vick admitted to helping kill as many as eight). Only two received any jail time at all, and the one who killed dogs got nearly 12 times the sentence of the one who killed a 47 year old wife and mother while he was drunk behind the wheel. How many of you had heard of the Leonard Little incident before today? How many even remember the Ray Lewis incident that was swept under the table. When you think of Pacman Jones do you think about Tommy Urbanski, the paralyzed club employee, or do you think about "Makin' it rain!" But I guarantee just about everybody in America, whether a sports fan or not, knows about the Michael Vick case.

Don't get me wrong, I am horrified by Vick's crimes and don't think his sentence was too stiff in the least. Honestly, I can think of many more people I'd like to see dead than dogs. As a dog-lover and a former owner of several dogs I am outraged by what he did and by the fact that dog-fighting still occurs on such a large scale in this country. But you know what outrages me even more? The American public's willingness to ignore anything that is happening in this country until the TV cameras and protesters show up in enough force to make it onto the national news. PETA shows up and launches a protest and Vick is public enemy #1. Meanwhile Ray Lewis stands by and watches as two of his limo passengers stab and kill two other men and then lies about it and a year later he is fucking Super Bowl MVP! Can you imagine what the public outcry would've been if Vick had gotten even the next harshest penalty of 60 days in jail? They're still protesting the fact that he "only" got 23 months in jail. It doesn't quite seem right to me, but then I guess there isn't a multi-million dollar charity dedicated to the ethical treatment of people(PETA received nearly $30 million in donations last year).

13-0

2007-12-10T09:57:00.000-08:00

We're going to have to keep waiting for the 2nd coming of Nostradamus, because it sure as hell isn't the Steelers 2nd year free safety Anthony Smith. Not only did the Steelers not win Sunday after his guarantee, but Belichick and Brady made sure that Smith's play was at least part of the reason why by specifically targeting, and beating, Smith on two long touchdown passes. After a first half in which the Steelers at least looked capable of beating the undefeated Patriots, the second half was uglier than the chick you woke up next to after picking her up at last call on Friday. After two weeks of Brady getting blitzed and being unable to efficiently get the ball to his receivers, the Patriots used quick passes to virtually move the ball at will in the second half even under pretty consistent pressure from Dick LeBeau's blitz schemes(although the Steelers didn't get a single sack, they did keep pressure on Brady and hit him several times). It didn't help that the Steelers corners kept giving Welker and the other receivers 10 yard cushions to protect against the deep threat instead of playing them close and popping them off the line to disrupt the quick slants and automatics that Brady used over and over again.

On offense the Steelers looked clean and efficient in the first half...and were unable to put up a single point in the second half, including one 1st and goal from the Patriots 8 that gave them two chances at the endzone from the one yard line and ended with the Patriots getting the ball back after a failed 4th down conversion and taking it down the field for a field goal. The offensive line looked better as well. Although they allowed 3 sacks, most of day saw Ben with plenty of time to throw, but often times no one to throw to. Fast Willie also managed to pick up 124 yards on the ground. There was only one turnover by either team on the day, with Willie Gay fumbling a punt return in the 2nd quarter, but the defense locked down and got the ball back with no damage after a missed New England field goal.

The Browns managed a win over the Jets that brings them back to within one game of the AFC North title. Since the Steelers own the tie breaker over Cleveland, the magic number right now is 2. Any combination of Steelers wins or Browns losses of 2 or more means the Steelers get the title, which doesn't sound too bad with 3 weeks left in the season. Until you look at the schedules. Cleveland faces Buffalo and San Fran at home and travels to Cincy, all games they could, and should, win without much trouble. The Steelers on the other hand, host Jacksonville this week in what will be a very tough matchup, then go on the road to face a St. Louis team that is suddenly not quite the pushover they were a few weeks ago, and then travel to Baltimore in a dangerous rivalry match on the road. The next couple weeks are going to be nerve-racking.

The Patriots now look poised to at least complete a perfect regular season with the only reasonable look at a loss coming from the New York Giants in the regular season finale. In the next two weeks they face the Jets and the Dolphins, who after an ugly loss to the Bills on Sunday are poised to match the Patriots undefeated season with a winless season of their own.

Finally, Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison this morning for his role in the much publicized dog fighting operation that came to light earlier this year.

Time for another streak buster

2007-12-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

We're gonna get this out of the way a day early this week since I will be traveling the rest of the week.

In 2004 the Patriots were on a 21 game win streak going into a game against the Steelers and their streaking rookie QB Ben. Ben and the hard blitzing Steeler D forced Brady into turnovers and beat the Patriots 34-20 in Pittsburgh on their way to a 15-1 season. This year they look to spoil the Patriots attempt at an undefeated season. The Patriots haven't looked this vulnerable all year, coming off of near losses to the Eagles and the Ravens. The Steelers have won two in a row since dropping an embarrassing loss to the Jets in New York. It won't be an easy game. For one thing, they will have to get used to playing on solid ground again after their last two games on the soft mud of Heinz Field. The Steelers will also have to play much cleaner ball than they did against the Bungles last week when they had 4 turnovers plus two more that were overturned after review. On the plus side, the defense has been playing very well and the secondary has been stout, even without Polamalu who they'll get back this week. In their last two games, the Patriots pulled out the win in large part due to late mistakes by their opponents. I'm talking to you Fast Willie...maybe use a little extra stickum this week, and for Dog's sake, take off the damn sleeves. I've got to question the wisdom of 2nd year safety Anthony Smith guaranteeing a win though. A win and a browns loss clinches the division for Pittsburgh.

Ended with another good week last week going 10-6, but only managed 2-2 on the money picks. I still finished in the green thanks to a late play on the under in the Steelers game after I saw the weather in Pittsburgh. We're now only 7 games under .500 for the year. We probably won't get that back this week, but we're streaking now, and with 4 weeks left, we should be well above .500 by the end of the regular season.

Bears +3 over REDSKINS: What a heartbreaker for the Redskins last week. On the day the NFL was honoring Sean Taylor, they let the win slip through their fingers, capped off by a ridiculous double timeout by their senile coach Joe Gibbs that moved the Bills game winning field goal from a difficult 51 yards to a relative chip shot of 36 yards. Then after Taylor's memorial service on Monday, the Redskins have to play a Thursday game with only two days of practice. I really hope the Skins win this one, but it doesn't look good.
Cowboys -11 over LIONS: Jon Kitna's 10 win guarantee looks dumber and dumber every week. God must be busy Christmas shopping.
BILLS -7 over Dolphins: Bill won a close one over the Dolphins earlier in the year. Now they're trying to get in the playoffs and the dolphins just got blown out by the Jets. The Bills win this one easily.
Giants +3 over EAGLES: Tough choice for the Eagles. Do you play a gimpy McNabb or a inconsistent and mistake prone AJ Feeley. Actually it doesn't really matter, since whoever plays will be spending most of the game on their back behind the Giants pass rush. Or Eli could throw 4 picks and lose by 24.
PACKERS -10 over Raiders: Favre in Lambeau in December. Thats really all you need to know.
Rams +6.5 over BENGALS: Rams are playing pretty well ever since they got that no wins monkey off their back. The Bengals? not so much.
SEAHAWKS -7 over Cardinals: Cardinals will probably be without Boldin and Fitzgerald, and the Seahawks are looking to pad their lead in the NFC West.
Steelers +10.5 over PATRIOTS: Whoever wins the turnover battle in this one will win the game.
Browns -3 over JETS: I don't think the Steelers clinch this week, as the Browns shouldn't have a problem with the Jets.
BRONCOS -6.5 over Chiefs: An epic AFC West battle, I'm not sure how I'm going to contain the excitement.
Colts -9.5 over RAVENS: The Ravens d looked like better than they have all year against the Pats, but you can't pick them against the Colts because of one good week.
Saints -4 over FALCONS: Who the fuck knows which Saints team shows up, but what do you want me to ? pick the Falcons?

Season: 88-95-11

Money Picks*

JAGUARS -10 over Panthers: The Jags lost a close one to the Colts last week and will be looking to get their playoff run back on track this week.
Chargers -1 TITANS: LT2 seems to have found a bit of a stride.
Bucs -3 over TEXANS: The Bucs are quietly gearing up for a deep playoff run. The Texans are falling like...well something that falls pretty fast.
Vikings -8.5 over 49ERS: If the Vikings sneak into a wild card spot, they could be a dangerous team in the playoffs. If Tavaris Jackson can keep from making too many mistakes, the Purple Jesus will lead them to victory.

Season: 22-27

*Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Natalie Gulbis has competition

2007-12-05T14:41:00.000-08:00

Anna Rawson just got her LPGA tour card and is going to give Natalie Gulbis a run for her money as hottest lady golfer. As a 2004 graduate of USC and a model, Anna comes in with a solid hotness ranking, but don't forget to add extra points for her Australianness(that might not be a word). Lets just hope she's good enough to win whatever that LPGA tournament is where the winner jumps into the water hazard. Just remember Anna...always wear white shirts on tourney Sundays.

Getting it done when it matters

2007-12-04T10:28:00.001-08:00

Man that was a clutch performance! With only seconds left it seemed like it was destined to happen, then in a flash it looked like it couldn't possibly happen. Then things changed once again and when the final buzzer sounded they had pulled off a win. Nope, not talking about the Patriots, but the Blazers, who picked up their first road win of the season behind two clutch shots by Travis Outlaw in the last 15 seconds to beat Memphis 106-105. With 15 seconds left Outlaw hit a 3 to put the Blazers up by one, but a Rudy Gay tip-in with only 2.8 seconds left put the Blazers back down by one and seemingly headed for their 9 road loss of the season. But Outlaw came through again, dropping in a short runner as the buzzer sounded. Outlaw said after the game he was just trying to get fouled, but hey, sometimes you get lucky. Outlaw finished with 21 points on 8-13 shooting, including 3-3 on tres. Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge combined for 49 more. The Blazers play 4 of their next 5 at home.

As for the Patriots/Ravens games, thats two weeks in a row the Patriots have been taken to the max. This time the Patriots escaped thanks to a few penalties, a few Baltimore mistakes, and some questionable play-calling at the end of the game. They all combined to allow the Patriots to head back home to Boston with their 12th win of the season. Baltimore's defense looked like the Raven's of old though, and for the second week in a row, Brady was harassed and rushed and kept in check. After taking down quarterbacks like Peyton Manning, Tony Romo, and Carson Palmer, the Patriots have nearly lost two games in a row to AJ Feeley and Kyle Boller. I'm not sure if that bodes well for Ben(I'm not using his last name the rest of the year as a tribute to Bill Simmons) and the Steelers or not. I gotta say though, if New England loses that game last night, they would probably have been so pissed they would have destroyed the Steelers next week, but now the Steel City D should be able to keep Brady on his toes. If you look at the stats, it is shaping up to be an epic battle as the Steelers are #1 in the NFL on defense in points, yards, passing yards. All categories in which the Patriots are #1 in the league on offense. The Steeler D has a slight edge in rushing yards at #2 on defense(the Patriots are #8 on offense). To use an overused phrase the last couple weeks, we have the blueprint for beating the Patriots: get to Brady, keep Moss contained, and control the ball, now the Steelers just have to execute and avoid mistakes.

I'd also like to link to Dan Steinberg's post picking apart ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd who has been pretty unrelenting concerning Sean Taylor's death. Couldn't agree with Dan more. Cowherd is mildly entertaining at times, but there is a time to shut the fuck up. That time was sometime last week Colin.

Weekend Recap

2007-12-03T10:34:00.000-08:00

Even with a fair amount of rain, Heinz Field was in much better shape last night and the Steelers picked up a win over the Bengals behind three Ben TD's(one by land, two by air). Big props to Hines Ward, who's two receiving TD's tied and then broke John Stallworth's Steelers franchise record for TD receptions. The defense looked outstanding, and after giving up an opening drive touchdown, they locked down and kept the Bungles offense looking pretty inept. It's a good thing too, because although the offensive line was much better this week, the offense made alot of mistakes. Ben floated alot of passes high(actually both QB's did, the wet ball probably wasn't helping), but luckily his receivers pulled most of them down and probably saved him from having more than the two picks he threw anyway. A bigger concern was Willie Parker almost throwing the game away by fumbling everytime he touched the ball. Willies 4 fumbles could have very easily cost them the game, but luckily two of them were overturned upon review(the first was Mike Tomlin's first ever challenge win as a head coach), including one that was returned for a touchdown. Willie has shown a tendency to fumble in key situations the last couple years and he needs to do something about it. Soon. The Bengals 8th loss of the year guaranteed that they will not finish above .500 yet again. The Bengals only finished with a winning record once since 1990. Tell me again why everybody keeps talking about these guys among the elite teams every offseason?

The win, combined with a Browns loss, gave the Steelers a two game lead in the AFC North. The Browns loss was bittersweet though, as I had it as one of the money picks and got screwed by a shitty call on that Kellen Winslow TD with time expiring. We managed a 2-2 overall in the money picks, with AJ Feeley's inability to complete a pass to anyone but Lofa Tatupu costing us another loss.

Eli Manning played 3.5 quarters of typical Eli ball, before somehow managing to stage 4th quarter comeback as the Giants snuck out a win over the Bears. When I first saw that Eli had led the Giants to a late season comeback win, my first thought was that I should probably stock up on bottled water and batteries, because something is seriously wrong in the universe. But then 8 more men accused Larry Craig of having gay sex, and I realized everything was still right in the world and we were going to be fine.

In the battle to remain defeated, the Dolphins heroically managed to pull out a loss against the Jets to move to 0-12. They are now just 2 games away from tying the 1976 Buccaneers 0-14 record. The Dolphins 4 remaining games are Buffalo, Baltimore, New England, and Cincinnati. The Jets were by far the scariest team they had left, and they should be able to avoid any wins from here on out. The only team that I could accept them beating would be New England(especially if the Patsies are still undefeated), because that would just be funny.

On a quick BCS note, as I suspected, the national title game will be OSU vs LSU. Ohio State is like the Vladimir Putin of the BCS. They win no matter what. Damn, that's two current political references in one post. I promise to try and do better with the irrelevant dribble you've come to expect from me from here on out. Virginia Tech, Oklahoma, and Georgia round out the top 5. Here are the major bowl matchups:

Sugar Bowl: #10 Hawai'i vs #5 Georgia - This will be a touch matchup for Hawai'i, but if they can pull a Boise State like upset over Georgia, it will be a fitting end to a fucked up year in the BCS.
Fiesta Bowl: #4 Oklahoma vs #9 West Virginia - West Virginia has the most wins of any college that has never won a national title. What a devastating loss to Pittsburgh.
Orange Bowl: #3 Virginia Tech vs #8 Kansas - Virginia Tech is playing about the best football of anybody right now. This could a great game.
BCS Title Game: #1 Ohio State vs #2 LSU - When this game is over, there will be alot of angry people at Virginia Tech, Oklahoma, and Georgia. And don't be surprised if we Les Miles still somehow ends up at Michigan.

The BCS is Simple

2007-12-02T09:22:00.000-08:00

or not. Shit done got interesting yesterday, so I'm gonna do a quick Sunday post. It started so simple. Missouri and West Virginia win and they're in the championship. Instead, this is whats left of the BCS computers:

For the second week in a row, both the #1 and #2 teams were upset. The curse of the #2 continued as West Virginia, who was favored by 4 touchdowns, was upset by unranked Pittsburgh in the Backyard Brawl. And that is just the beginning. Here's where we're at right now:

#1 and #2 lost. #3, #4, #5 didn't play. #6 beat #11 by two touchdowns. #7 survived a scare from #14. #8 won. #9 beat #1 and won the Big 12. #10 didn't play and #11 lost. #12 won and is undefeated. Ohio State(#3) and Kansas(#5) have one loss. Missouri(#1), West Virginia(#2), Georgia(#4), Virginia Tech(#6), LSU(#7), USC(#8), and Oklahoma(#9) all have two losses. Both of Missouri's losses came from Oklahoma. West Virginia lost to unranked Pittsburgh and South Florida. Ohio State lost to unranked Illinois. Georgia lost to unranked South Carolina and Tennessee. Kansas only lost to Missouri. Virginia Tech lost to LSU and Boston College. LSU lost to unranked Kentucky and unranked Arkansas. USC lost to unranked Stanford and Oregon. Oklahoma lost to unranked Colorado and unranked Texas Tech.

It seems pretty simple to me. I guess I just don't see the problem. Wait...you can only pick two teams to play for the national championship? Ffffuuuuuucccckkkk...good luck man.

Every team in the top 9 has a legitimate claim to the title game(and you have to throw #12 Hawai'i in there too). I don't see how #3 OSU doesn't get in because of their popularity, but they will probably lose. I think LSU is the best team, but two losses to unranked teams could hurt them, but both games were triple-overtime thrillers and LSU plays in the very tough SEC. Virginia Tech plays in the weak ACC, but both their losses came against opponents who were ranked #2 and they avenged one of them by beating #11 Boston College yesterday. Virginia Tech could also get some sympathy votes in the human polls because of the shooting tragedy there earlier this year.

I'd like to see a LSU/Virginia Tech title game, but I'd be surprised if we don't see a OSU/LSU matchup, with LSU winning by at least 17. You heard it here first.

Two missed picks

2007-11-30T14:33:00.000-08:00

I somehow managed to forget two games when I made my picks this morning. Since I know everybody is especially excited against the Jets/Dolphins game, here they are:

Jets +1 over DOLPHINS: The Jets have only won two games this year: One against a the Dolphins in week 3, and one against the Ste...well it doesn't matter who they won their other game against. This will be the Dolphins biggest test of the season in their attempt to go 0-16, but I think they can do it without Ricky Williams, who made it all of 6 plays before going out for the season with a torn titty muscle.
Bucs +3.5 over SAINTS: Who knows which Drew Brees will show up. If its the one that lost to the Rams the Bucs will walk all over the Saints. If the Jaguar killing Brees shows up though, the Bucs could be in trouble.

Evel Knievel: Dead at 69

2007-11-30T14:00:00.000-08:00

He survived almost 40 broken bones, an attempt to jump the Snake River Canyon on a rocket-powered motorcycle, and a liver transplant, but Evel Knievel finally died today. I haven't seen a cause of death yet, but he had been in rough shape for the last several years due to his affliction with diabetes and pulmonary fibrosis.

Knievel was born and raised in Butte, Montana, the home of the original Copperhouse. Each year thousands flocked to Butte each year for the annual Evel Knievel Days celebration, which I can personally say is one crazy kick-ass good time of a party.

American Gladiators is Back!!

2007-11-30T11:50:00.000-08:00

Man I can't wait for the new American Gladiators. Hosted by Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali? How can this go wrong?

We got off to a sizzling 0-1 start to the week as the Packers failed to cover the seven point spread last night. I wish I could blame it on Brett Favre getting hurt in the 2nd quarter, but Aaron Rodgers actually played alot better in the 2nd half than Favre did in the 1st. Yesterday I talked up Favre's new found aversion to risk and Favre paid us back with 2 classic "chuck and duck" interceptions in the first half that helped the Cowboys build an early lead that they never relinquished. Green Bay was also without cornerback Charles Woodson which limited their ability to keep T.O. under wraps, and he burned them good with 156 yards and a TD. The Packers pulled within 3 in the 4th quarter, but saw their hopes for a comeback dashed by a questionable pass interference call that gave the Cowboys the ball on the 5 yard line and led to another Tony Romo to Patrick Crayton hookup.

REDSKINS -6 over Bills: The loss of Sean Taylor could go either way for the Redskins, but I think they're able to use it as inspiration. At least this week.
VIKINGS -3.5 over Lions: Last week the Giants defense somehow managed to make Tavaris Jackson look like a good QB. He's not, but it doesn't matter in this one.
TITANS -4 over Texans: The Titans have lost 3 straight. Last week they couldn't even score a touchdown against the Bengals defense. This might not be the best pick.
Jaguars +7 over COLTS: Even at home, I just can't pick the Colts here. I want to, but I just don't see them winning by more than a field goal here.
Chargers -6 over CHIEFS: Herm Edwards blew last weeks game against the Raiders, and probably killed whatever confidence the Chiefs had. Which wasn't much without Priest Holmes or Larry Johnson
Broncos -3.5 over RAIDERS: The Donkey's lucked out when they beat the Raiders in Denver, this one won't be as close.
Giants +1.5 over BEARS: How the fuck am I supposed to pick between Fetus Head Manning and Sexy Rexy. I'm putting the over/under on turnovers at 11 on this one...and I'm probably taking the over.
STEELERS -7 over Bengals: Back at Heinz Field this week for the Sunday Night game. It will be interesting to see what condition the field is after Monday's debacle.
Pats -20.5 over RAVENS: Favored by 21 points on the road?!?! OK, I'll take them.

Season: 78-89-11

Money Picks*

We won both our straight up bets, but missed on the teaser again. Fuck the teaser.

RAMS -3 over Falcons: Last week the Rams were a goalline fumble away from beating the Seahawks for their third straight win. I think they can handle the Dirty Birds
Browns pick over CARDINALS: Whisenhunt is 2-1 against teams from his old stomping grounds of the AFC North, but this Browns team isn't like any of the ones he saw when he was in Pittsburgh
EAGLES -3 over Seahawks: I hate picking against the Seahawks, but they never do well traveling to the east coast. Especially when they have to play the early game.
PANTHERS -2.5 over 49ers: I'm going with the Panthers on this one for the same reason as the Seahawks game. West coast team playing the early game on the east coast.

Season: 20-25

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Blazers struggles come home

2007-11-29T10:03:00.000-08:00

The Blazers win-at-home-lose-on-the-road trend seems to be reversing a bit. Unfortunately, so far it's only the win-at-home part that is changing as the Blazers lost to the Pacers last night 95-89. After starting the season 4-0 at home, the Blazers have now dropped 3 of their last 4 at home to drop to 5-10 overall. On the bright side, they're still in 3rd in the Northwest thanks to the horrendous play of the Kevin Garnett-less Timberwolves and a Sonics team that seems determined to waste Kevin Durants talents with bad coaching. The Blazers are going to get tested hard on the road for the next few games as they travel to San Antonio, Dallas, and Memphis. While the Blazers aren't winning as much as I thought they would, they are showing improvement at times in running McMillan's new uptempo offense. Once this young team gets used to the faster pace and gets more comfortable with each other in the transition game, they will start improving exponentially.

Tonight the Packers and Cowboys face off in what right now looks to be a preview of the NFC Championship game. Brett Favre has never won at Texas Stadium, but looks to change that tonight against Tony Romo(who is apparently bumpin uglies with Jessica Simpson again). This game looks to me like it will come down to whichever quarterback makes the fewest mistakes. In years past Favre could always be counted on to throw bad picks that often hurt him in big games, but is playing better this year than I think he ever has. Now that he's gotten a little older(ok, alot older) he can't rely on his pure talent and physical strength anymore and it has forced him to play a much cleaner, less risky game and it's been working to the tune of the Packers best record since the Lombardi days. A key matchup in this game will be Terrell Owens against the Packers physical corners. If they can keep TO in check, I think Favre gets his first win at Dallas and the Packers set themselves up for homefield advantage throughout the playoffs.

Packers +7 over COWBOYS

Unfortunately 95% of the country won't be able to watch it at home thanks to the ongoing dispute between the NFL Network and cable companies. Except for satellite customers and the cable viewers that ponied up the extra cash for the NFL Network on cable, most people will be forced to travel to a local drinking establishment to watch the game.

3-0

2007-11-27T09:21:00.000-08:00

Nope, thats not a baseball score. Or even a hockey score(although 5 NHL teams scored at least 3 points last night. The Flyers scored 3 points...and lost), it's not even a ~~soccer~~ futball score. Thats a damn football score. After 4 Pennsylvania high school games on Friday and a Pitt Panthers game on Saturday, the turf at Heinz Field was in rough shape. There wasn't time to tear up the old turf, so the Heinz Field people decided to just lay fresh sod down on top. That might have worked, but then the rain started coming down...and kept coming and coming. The rain didn't stop even after all the yardage markers had been washed away. The rain kept coming as the stadium was cleared because of a lightning threat. It kept coming down as the Steelers and Dolphins finally took the field and waged a muddy, grind-out war that ended in the lowest scoring NFL game since the Jets beat the Redskins 3-0 in 1993. Until Jeff Reed's 24 yard field goal with 17 seconds left gave the Steelers the victory, it was the longest an NFL game had been scoreless since 1943 when the Lions and the Giants played to a 0-0 tie.

It was an ugly, muddy, mess of a game, played on an even worse field. Every step on the field resulted in cleats sinking inches into the muddy grass. Runners attempting to cut back fell down as their cleats tore through the soft turf and left huge divots in the field. The field that was so soft and muddy that punts were landing in the mud and sticking...no bounce, no roll, nothing. Every sportscaster in the last 12 hours has used the Tiger Woods wedge shot analogy, but it's the only analogy that works. It wasn't a pretty game by any standards, and in the end, it could've just as easily been the Dolphins who booted the winning field goal or it could've gone to overtime and ended in a 0-0 tie. But on a night when Big Ben set a Steelers team record for completion percentage, the Steelers made a couple extra plays when it counted and came away with the W. It's a whole lot better to win ugly than to lose ugly.

On a gambling note, we missed a golden opportunity. As soon as I saw the turf conditions, I should've been betting the hell out of the Dolphins plus the points and the under. Unfortunately I was in the truck listening on the radio and couldn't make it to a computer before the game started.

On a much sadder note, the Redskins safety Sean Taylor died last night from the injuries sustained when he was shot in his Miami home Sunday night. My deepest condolences go out to his friends and family and especially his girlfriend and their 1 year old daughter.

Sean Taylor not improving

2007-11-26T13:33:00.000-08:00

Sean Taylor is in pretty rough shape. His former lawyer and family friend, Richard Sharpstein, has said that Taylor is "nonresponsive and unconcious." Doctors are also concerned about the immense loss of blood affecting blood flow to the brain.

Sharpstein has also said it was clearly an armed robbery, but the police still won't confirm or deny that claim. We're all hoping and praying that Taylor pulls through this.

Weekend Recap

2007-11-26T10:41:00.000-08:00

Sean Taylor

Redskins safety Sean Taylor was shot in his Miami home last night. He is apparently in critical condition as the bullet pierced his femoral artery and he lost a ton of blood. Best wishes to Sean and his family. For as much shit as we give athletes for getting caught packing heat, there has been a disturbing trend of big name athletes being the victims of armed robberies in their own homes. In early September Texans cornerback Dunta Robinson was robbed at gunpoint in his home and two NBA players, Eddie Curry and Antoine Walker, were robbed in their homes at gunpoint this summer.

Devin Hester

When are they going to learn? You don't fucking kick to Devin Hester! You'd think it was part of an NFL coaches job description to watch the occasional game film, or at least tune into Sportscenter once in a while. But if they did that, you'd think we wouldn't see Hester taking punts and kicks to the house as much. Shanahan took the stupidity a step further; not only did he keep kicking down the middle of the field until Hester took a punt back for a touchdown, but he continued kicking to Hester, resulting in a kick return for a touchdown as well. The end result? Broncos lose in OT.

Patriots

Oh so close. The Patriots defense got an early pick six and then after taking the lead in the 4th, they stepped up again and sealed the victory with two more interceptions in the last 4 minutes of the game. The Eagles definitely exposed some weaknesses in the Patriots offense though as their constant blitzing kept Brady off balance and under pressure. This gives some hope for the week 14 matchup against the Steelers who will no doubt have some inventive LeBeau blitz schemes for Brady to try and escape.

Random thoughts from Sunday

If the Seahawks bothered to show up before halftime for their games they might be a pretty good team. Playing back from a two score halftime deficit every week can't be easy.
I love Arizona. They're like clockwork. When you hear Chris Berman and his boys start talking Sunday morning about how the Cards are playing really well and starting to turn the corner and are gonna make a playoff run, etc, etc, bet against them, and bet against them hard.
It's not always a great throw by the QB, sometimes receivers make amazing plays on really shitty throws. I'm tired of watching QB's force it into double coverage and have the receiver manage to come down with it only to hear Joe Buck tell me what an amazing throw that was the way the quarterback got it throught the coverage for the completion. Fuck you, give the little guy some credit.
The Patriots kept the undefeated season alive. Tonight we get to see if the Steelers can keep the Dolphins out of the 'W' column.

BCS

Alot of shakeup in the rankings this weekend as #1 LSU lost in a triple OT thriller to unranked Arkansas and #2 Kansas dropped to #4 Missouri. The win earned Mizzou the top ranking in the BCS, and West Virginia was able to move up to #2 with a big win over #20 UConn. Is there anything scarier than being #2 in the BCS rankings this year? The way things are going, even Dave Wannstedt and Pittsburgh have got to look like scary matchup for #2 West Virginia going into this weekends Big East championship.

The BCS could get even more interesting this weekend as the top 2 teams both have to play conference championship games with Missouri also facing a tough matchup against #9 Oklahoma for the Big 12 championship. Meanwhile none of the next 3 top teams have any more games, so if either Mizzou or WVU lose this weekend, Ohio State(#3), Georgia(#4) and even Kansas(#5) all will be hoping for BCS Championship bid. Please God don't let a shitty, overrated Big 10 team like OSU sneak into another Championship game.

Patriots/Eagles Line Update

2007-11-21T13:51:00.000-08:00

Apparently my comment that Vegas had abandoned the line on the Patriots/Eagles game was incorrect, but it is the largest point spread ever! That is, not counting expansion teams. The line opened at 17 and everybody and their dog jumped on the Patriots which pushed the line up to 22 points almost immediately. In Vegas, it is apparently now sitting at around 23.5. However, none of the online sportsbooks that I occasionally visit for educational and journalistic purposes are currently carrying a line. So even if I wanted to, I would be unable to bet on this game(of course I don't want to since I'm not in Vegas and that would make sports gambling illegal).

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-21T10:13:00.000-08:00

I managed to sneak out a 8-6-2 record last week, but I'm gonna have to do better than that if we want to get back above .500 for the year

COWBOYS -14 over Jets - The Jets go on the road this week, so New Yorkers won't have any Gate D titty flashing to distract them from the shilacking that Dallas is going to lay on them
Colts -12 over FALCONS - The Colts better get back on track quick. Luckily they're playing the Falcons and Joey Harrington.
Seahawks -3 over RAMS - The pressure's off the Rams. They won a game and no longer have to worry about going 0-16, which means they can go back to sucking
GIANTS -7 over Vikings - What the hell is going on? Peyton and the Colts are falling apart and Eli and the Giants are looking like a serious NFC contender.
BUCS -3 over Redskins - No idea here, so I'm taking the home team
Saints -3 over PANTHERS - I'm getting whiplash watching the Saints, can they just make up their mind on whether they're gonna win games or not?
Titans +1 over BENGALS - I don't know that I'd pick the Bengals as favorites if they were playing the Dolphins
BROWNS -3.5 over Texans - I'm pretty sure that ball bouncing backwards off the support beam last week violated at least 3 laws of physics.
Raiders +6 over CHIEFS - the meh, whatever game of the week
49ers +10.5 over CARDINALS - never mind, this one is even worse than the Raiders/Chiefs matchup
Broncos +2 over BEARS - 2 in a row for the Broncos, and they're smelling a possible AFC West title. Not that that is really anything to be proud of.
Ravens +10 over CHARGERS - 4 months ago these two teams were being talked about as Super Bowl contenders, now they're just trying to finish above .500.
PATRIOTS over Eagles - That's it, Vegas has given up on even keeping a line on Patriots games. Our cash cow has broke the fence and headed for the hills. If you can find a line on this game of less than 25 points, bet it.
STEELERS -16 over Dolphins - Steelers haven't lost a game at home this year. Dolphins haven't won a game period. Steelers have won 12 straight Monday night games at home. The Dolphins are looking to be the first 0-16 team ever.

Season: 68-82-11

Money Picks*

Packers -3 over LIONS - 3 points? I know this is a huge Thanksgiving Day rivalry and the Pack is on the road, but this almost seems to easy. And in Friday's news, Brett Favre shit the bed against the Lions to fall to 9-2.
JAGUARS -7.5 over Bills - The Jags matchup next week against Indy could end up deciding the division. Lets hope the Jags don't look past the Bills.

4-team teaser (NOTE: all lines have been teased by 6 points)

COWBOYS -8 over Jets
JAGS -1.5 over Bills
Titans +7 over BENGALS
Colts -6 over FALCONS

Season: 18-24

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Road Woes Part 2

2007-11-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

Home: 4-0
Away: 0-7

Somethings gotta give. The Trail Blazers dropped their fourth straight, and seventh overall, on the road last night losing to Charlotte 101-92. Thankfully the Blazers return home with a 4 game stand in the Rose Garden starting Wednesday against the Nets. They will need to get some convincing wins to hault this slide and get some confidence back before this gets any farther out of hand.

Road Woes

2007-11-19T09:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Steelers,

Seeing as how most of you decided not to show up yesterday in New York, I just wanted to let you guys know what happened. You just lost to the Jets. The same Jets that hadn't won a game against anybody but the Miami Dolphins this year. You once again shit the bed against the worst rush defenses in the league. Willie Parker, the NFL's second leading rusher just gained a mere 52 yards against the Jets. Big Ben had a serviceable day, other than those fumbles and the classic "force a pass into double coverage" interception that he manages to pull off about once a game. It couldn't have been easy on him though, what with the Jets up his ass the entire game. You just allowed seven sacks by the Jets. Yes this is the same New York Jets that was ranked 30th in overall defense and dead last against the run. Right now Joey Porter is sitting in South Beach salivating at the thought of the 17 sacks he's going to register next week when he returns to Pittsburgh for his first game against his old team.

Don't worry Defense, I didn't forget about you. You just gave up 150+ yards rushing to the Jets. Even worse, you just allowed Thomas Jones to rack up 117 yards against what was, a mere 24 hours ago, the leagues best defense. The first 100 yard game by a rusher since 2005. 35 games since a running back had put up 100 yards against the vaunted Steelers defense. Since then you've faced running backs the likes of LaDanian Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander, Larry Johnson, Edgerrin James, and numerous other talented running backs who weren't playing for the Jets. You just let Kellen fucking Clemens eat you alive on a 4th quarter game-tying drive. And the only reason it was a game-tying drive and not a game-winning drive is because Brad Smith had trouble with one of those pesky Clemens passes that bounced off his hands.

You don't lose to the Jets without a complete team effort though. Luckily, the special teams came through with breakdown just in time to hand the Jets the game. I was impressed with the way you handled kick coverages during the game, I almost thought maybe you'd learned your lesson after that debacle last week against the Browns. But then you decided to let the Jets return a punt into field goal territory in overtime. 3 short runs later and the Jets ended the misery with an easy 38 yard field goal.

I tell you what, I'm really excited to see what you guys do to try and lose next Monday against the 0-10 Dolphins.

Sincerely,

My eyes are bleeding in Portland

Week 11 Picks

2007-11-16T10:55:00.000-08:00

At 5:00 Wednesday afternoon I was wrapping up at my real job with a nice little plan for the evening. I had six pack chilling in the fridge next to a fat rib-eye that had been marinating for almost 24 hours. I was going to drink, eat, and watch the Blazers eventually lose to the Nuggets and catch up on a little "Shot of Love with Tila Tequila"(By the way, whether you watch the show or not, do yourself a favor and watch the last 10 minutes of the most recent episode. You won't be disappointed). I was completely unaware that Rob Zombie and Ozzie Osbourne were even playing in the Rose Garden that night. Less than 4 hours later, I was standing stage left, 10 rows up, drowning in a sea of vodka/red bulls, bare titties(ranging from sagging 40 year old tits to 25 year old fake, pierced DD's), and enough ahem, alternative smoke, to make Ricky Williams cough up a lung. All of this courtesy of some guy I'd never met who had given tickets to a co-worker of a friend's elementary school buddy who happened to be in town from Denver for an entomological conference. I don't know what you had to do to get those tickets Cheryl, but it was worth it. Next thing I know Ozzie is baring his ass to the crowd(how is it that the Prince of Darkness has an ass white enough to blind a polar bear?), and then we're on the train home with a 60 year old guy who insists we hold his glass eye while he tries to talk a drunk chick into taking off her black hot pants and giving us all a dance. God damn life is random!

None of that has anything to do with sports or football, but it makes for a helluva better story than trying to explain how I went 2-12 in my picks last week.

Raiders +5 over VIKINGS - Purple Jesus didn't rise from injured list after 3 days, and Chester Taylor and Tavaris Jackson won't beat the Raiders without him
EAGLES -10 over Dolphins - If the Dolphins go 0-16 the same year as the Patriots go 19-0, will the remaining members of the 1972 Dolphins all commit seppuku?
JAGUARS -2.5 over Chargers - So you beat the Colts on a night when Manning threw 6 picks and Vinatieri missed a 29 yarder? Sorry still no love for you Norv
RAVENS +3 over Browns - Everyone is awfully impressed that the Browns almost beat the Steelers. But they still gave up 400 yards to the Steelers while only getting 163 yards from scrimmage.
Saints pick over TEXANS - Reggie Bush vs Mario Williams is the only mildly interesting thing about this game
Giants +3 over LIONS - Has Tom Coughlin's annual year end implosion started yet? Or can they squeak out win over the God's favorite quarterback?
PACKERS -9.5 over Panthers - The Packers are bound to start disappointing us soon, but at home in November against a shitty warm weather team? I'll take Favre in the battle of the geriatric quarterbacks.
COLTS -14.5 over Chiefs - Does this look like the face of someone who is going to let the Chiefs stay within 3 touchdowns of him?
Steelers -9.5 over JETS - I don't see Tomlin making the mistake of holding back on the run game against a shitty run defense like he did in Denver. Even Davenport is going to get some yards this week
Rams -3 over 49ERS - I must still have a contact high from the Ozzie concert to pick the Rams as road favorites against anybody but Notre Dame.
SEAHAWKS -5.5 over Bears - Sexy Rexy is back!! Before last weeks game Mike Holmgren said he was going to start passing more. Nice Mike, way to step up and really make your point. This might have carried a little weight if you had said it before Shaun Alexander got hurt. As for you Shaun, you notice how Morris hit the holes and actually tried to gain yardage? You might give that a shot instead of pussy-footing up the line and falling over sideways all the time. DISCLAIMER: If Shaun Alexander starts this game, consider this a Bears pick.
COWBOYS -10.5 over Redskins - 11 points is a pretty big spread, but I don't see the Cowboys losing to a division rival at home this year.
Patriots -16 over BILLS - The Patriots have only missed one cover this year, and that was only because Belichick decided to run out the clock instead of kicking field goal against the Colts.

Season: 60-76-9

Money Picks*

Bucs -3 over FALCONS - The dirty birds have snuck out 2 wins in a row...against the Panthers and the 49ers. Add one more win over the Texans and I still see a very bad team
Cardinals +3.5 over BENGALS - Whisenhunt knows the Bengals as well as any team in the league, plus the Bengals are really really shitty
Titans +2 over BRONCOS - Broncos still have no run defense, as long as Jeff Fisher doesn't pull a Tomlin and have Vince Young go pass-happy the Titans should win this one outright.

Season: 16-23

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Rip City is Back??

2007-11-14T15:35:00.000-08:00

Well maybe that's a bit premature, but the Blazers picked up another win last night to move above .500 for the first time in almost exactly a year(They fell to the Timberwolves last November 14th to fall to 4-4, it was all downhill from there). So far the Blazers are a perfect 4-0 at home, but have yet to win in their three tries on the road. They'll get another chance tonight when they travel to Denver to take on the Nuggets. The Blazers lost both games they played in Denver last year and have lost 9 of 10 there dating back to the 2002-2003 season. A win tonight would move the Blazers up to second in the division behind the Utah Jazz.

Pittsburgh pulls it out

2007-11-13T16:42:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a weekend!! Before I get to the Steelers trip, I want to say congrats to the Blazers and the Portland crowd. I missed the home opener, but got to the second game against Memphis. last Friday the night before I left for Pittsburgh. It was Oden bobblehead night, and the first 10,000 fans got one. I've been going to Blazer games for 2.5 years and have never once seen 10,000 fans at a game, but figured this might be a slightly larger crowsd so I showed up 20 minutes early. I knew something was up when the two cheapest levels of tickets were sold out and I had to shell out $26 bucks apiece for tickets. I didn't get a bobblehead and when I sat in my seat it was easy to see why, I probably wasn't even in the first 15,000 fans. The Blazers looked like the Blazers of the last couple years in the first half. Defensively they couldn't stop much of anything, and took a 12 point deficit into halftime. They came out fired up for the second half though and immediately went on a 13-2 run and stayed locked down on D the rest of the game. The 2nd half crowd was bigger, louder, and more enthusiastic than any crowd I've ever seen in the Rose Garden. After taking the lead with about 7 minutes left in the game, Portland continued a dominating second half effort to win 110-98(Chalupas!!) The new starting lineup with Blake at point guard and Jarrett Jack coming off the bench seems to be working, as the Blazers have now won 3 straight after dropping their first three, including their first win over Dallas in 14 tries.

Pittsburgh Trip

The pilgrimage to Heinz Field was even more amazing. I switched planes in Minneapolis and immediately started seeing large swaths of Black & Gold. After downing some beers with a dude from Calgary dressed in snakeskin boots, a stetson, and a leather Steelers jacket, I boarded the plane to Pittsburgh that consisted of about 95% people going to the game. I got off the plane and was greeted by none other than Franco Harris...or at least a statue of Franco.

Franco Striking a pose in the Airport

I met up with the little bro and grandpa waiting for me and headed back to the pad. As soon as we walked in the door my Grandpa offered me a drink so I accepted a glass of the dirty bird and he started pouring. At about the 3 fingers mark I told him to hold up, but he ignored me and poured another 3. Ten minutes later I was halfway done with it and he asked why I was taking it so slow.

After dinner we headed up to Mount Washington, but the stadium wasn't lit up so we couldn't see much. Instead we went home for more drinks and watched the Penguins lose again.

We woke up in the morning to a wonderful thing...something besides Seahawks gameday coverage in the newspaper. After a late breakfast we headed to the game.

Apache Longbows in a Veterans Day Flyover

Opening Kickoff

Late Game Crowd

As we were sitting in our seats watching as the stadium started filling up, our Grandpa leans over and says "Damn, I've never seen so many fat girls in my life." Yup, that about says it all. The AFC North isn't exactly known for its crowd aesthetics. But on the plus side, we saw very few of those gay-ass pink jerseys.

I gotta say though, the upper endzone seats in that stadium may be the best seats in the house. Your plenty close to the action and from behind the endzone you see everything. You see the running lanes open and close in the blink of an eye, the passing routes develop and the seams in the zone coverage shift. When Ben threw an interception in the first half for example, we all knew it was a pick before he even threw it. He'd tried the same pass a couple times already and had been lucky to get away with incompletions. I've seen plenty of high school and college games live, and they don't even begin to compare. There's so much going on on the field, TV can't even begin to do it justice.

As for the game, well the first half wasn't pretty. The defense played really well despite giving up 4 touchdowns. In reality, only one of those came off a sustained drive by the Cleveland offense. They got the other three thanks to the Big Ben int deep in Pittsburgh territory and a 91 yard kickoff return by Josh Cribbs that gave them a first and goal and another Cribbs return for a TD. In all, Cribbs had 40 more return yards(204) than the Browns entire offense was able to get(163). The pass rush continued to be mediocre, and they didn't get a single sack. LeBeau seemed to be more concerned with preventing the big play rather than getting to Derek Anderson. Polamolu was playing back in coverage most of the game and rarely blitzed. The plan worked though as they kept Braylon Edwards to only one catch in the game(but holy shit was it a good one) and Kellen Winslow to just 46 yards.

The offense left more to be desired. They were unable to punch it in the endzone and had to settle for three field goals to go into half time with a 21-9 deficit. The mood was somber at halftime, but soon picked up as it became obvious in the 2nd half that the Browns were going to have trouble scoring any more points. Ben and the offense soon found their groove too, and Ben passed for two touchdowns and a two point conversion and rushed 30 yards on 3rd down for another score. He set up one of his TD passes with another 3rd down run to give the Steelers a first and goal.

It was an extremely tense 4th quarter. After Roethlisberger ran for a 30 yard score to put the Steelers up, the Josh Cribbs took the ensuing kickoff 100 yards after muffing it to put the Browns up again and temporarily silence the crowd. On the next drive Ben took the good guys down the field for the go-ahead score, and after a Romeo Crennel screw up on the challenge of the scoring play, the Browns were left with only 1 timeout and had to settle for a 53 yard field goal attempt in the worst kicking endzone in the NFL. The kick fell short and the Steelers were victorious and opened up a 2 game lead in the AFC North.

Out of fear of jinxing the Steelers, I will avoid mentioning that with the
Colts loss on Sunday(Viniateri misses a 29 yard game winner? WTF?), the
Steelers are now the #2 seed in the AFC by virtue of a tiebreaker over the
Colts.

The trip home was uneventful other than having to spend 17 hours in airports and on planes thanks mostly to a 6 hour layover in Minneapolis. With 6 hours, it was going to be impossible to avoid using the restroom, but I was able to avoid getting arrested for gay sex buy following three simple rules:

Keep your stance as narrow as possible: At the very least you should keep your feet in your own stall.
Keep your toe-tapping to a minimum: If it helps, maybe turn off your ipod for a few minutes.
Watch your hand-placement: The most important thing to remember here is to keep your hands above the bottom of the stall wall

In the event that your stall neighbor starts tapping his feet and reaching under your stall, stay calm and calmly tell Senator Craig that your not gay. If you've got a few minutes to spare, maybe take the time to ask Senator Craig why he's so determined to kill off all the salmon and steelhead in the Pacific Northwest. And I don't care if the Larry Craig jokes have been beaten into the ground, because conservative republicans having gay sex in airport bathrooms will always be funny.

Tomlin is our Coach

2007-11-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

This is the Steelers Head Coach. How can you not be excited? He is one bad-ass lookin dude

Heinz Field, Here We Come!

2007-11-08T17:11:00.000-08:00

The Bandit and the Lieutenant are making their virgin pilgrimage to the Ketchup Mecca this weekend to see the Steelers and the Brown battle it out for the AFC North title. I know Browns fans are all excited. Just because you've won a few games against mediocre teams doesn't change the fact that the Steelers handed you a 34-7 opening day loss. That loss was just the latest of 8 straight losses the Browns have suffered at the hands of the Black & Gold, and you can expect that number to be 9 by Sunday night. If you want a little more history, the Browns have won only once in the last 15 tries. Thanks to Ryan for the video preview of Sunday's game. I should have some photos to post on Tuesday.

Luckily we'll all get a well-needed respite from the still-undefeated Patriots as they use their bye weekend to sacrifice some Boston-area virgins to the devil as payment for their come-from-behind victory over the Colts last week. We'll have to see how long they keep it up, they must be running out of Boston virgins. There were only 17 of them to begin with and I'm pretty sure the Red Sox and Celtics have used a few of those already. So while we're down to only one undefeated team, we still have two defeated teams making a push to improve on the 1976 Buccaneers standard of inferiority as the only team to not win a game in a season. What's even more exciting is that since these two teams don't play each other this year, we might very well see both teams go 0-16.

I got back to my losing ways again last week, going just 5-9 but managing a 2-2 on the money picks, with the teaser once again failing me.

Bills -2.5 over DOLPHINS - I am officially more interested in whether a team can go winless this year than I am if the Patriots can go undefeated
SAINTS -11.5 over Rams - Ditto. Plus the Saints seem to have found their stride and are rolling over opponents like(insert hurricane joke here)
STEELERS -10 over Browns - Before you start thinking this spread is too high, remember the Browns wins have come over opponents with a combined 10-26 record and not one team that is currently above .500
REDSKINS -2.5 over Eagles - The Redskins are still in the hunt for the NFC East at 5-3, but they're gonna have to get alot better on offense to overtake the Giants and the Cowboys
Vikings +6 over PACKERS - Jesus walked on water, Purple Jesus shouldn't have any trouble with the Frozen Tundra
Broncos +3 over CHIEFS - the "meh, whatever" game of the week
RAVENS -4 over Bengals - Until 30 seconds ago I had the Bengals, but it doesn't matter. Even the Bengals and Ravens fans will be watching the Giants/Cowboys matchup
RAIDERS +3.5 over Bears - When do we get to see Kyle Orton?
Colts -3.5 over CHARGERS - The Colts won't be able to pipe crowd noise into this stadium, but luckily for them Norv Turner still doesn't realize he has LT on his team
49ers +10 over SEAHAWKS - Until the Walrus proves he can think about something other than where his next bucket of smelt is coming from I can't pick them. Especially not as 10 point favorites

Season: 58-62-9

Money Picks*

PANTHERS -4 over Falcons - Vinny's back!! maybe
TITANS -4 over Jaguars - The Titans are 6-2 despite Vince Young really not doing much. If he gets his mojo back, watch out
Lions -1 over CARDINALS - After a promising start, the Cardinals are back to normal. The Lord's Team continues along towards a divinely inspired 10 wins
GIANTS +2 over Cowboys - Two of the few bright spots in a very mediocre NFC. Giants look for revenge after their week 1 shootout loss

Season: 16-19

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

MNF Video Clips

2007-11-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

Here's the Mel Blount comments on the Baltimore offense from last nights game

Here is the block Hines Ward layed on Ed Reed

Unfortunately I can't find a clip of Ron Jaworski's strokin it comment or of James Harrison's hit on Ed Reed's return. If I find them later I'll put them up.

And just for shits and giggles, here's a little baseball talk. The boys over at Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke break down the new Pirates manager, John Russell. I don't know shit about this guy except that he used to be the Pirates third base coach and led the Ottawa Lynx to a very Pittsburgh Pirate-like record of 55-88 last year.

Joey Porter Who??

2007-11-06T08:55:00.001-08:00

James Harrison. A former undrafted free agent, NFL Europe player, and NFL special teamer who has been cut in the past by both the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Baltimore Ravens, and current Steeler linebacker who earned a fulltime starting position with the departure of Joey Porter in the offseason, proved last night he is more than deserving of being a starting NFL linebacker. Harrison single-handedly tore the shit out of the Baltimore offense last night, racking up 9 tackles, 3.5 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, a fumble recovery, and an interception. On one of the fumbles he forced, Harrison hit Baltimore safety Ed Reed so hard the ball flew 15' in the air before rookie Lawrence Timmons hauled in the recovery. Reed's night of pain wasn't over, as later in the game Hines Ward hit him with an open field block that dropped him like a rock. Even though the play wasn't over yet, Ward turned to the Baltimore sidelines and waved for the trainer almost before Reed hit the ground. Reed left the game shaken up, but would later return.

It wasn't all defense though, as Big Ben tossed 5 TD's...in the first half. It tied the Steelers franchise record for TD's in an entire game. Later in the game, Ben landed awkwardly on his right hip and had to be helped off the field. Ben would later return for several plays to prove he was alright.

During halftime of the game, the Steelers celebrated their 75th Anniversary team with greats like Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, John Stallworth, Lynn Swann, Jack Lambert, Joe Greene, Mel Blount, and more wearing Steelers throwbacks and being introduced at halftime. Mel Blount, a former Steel Curtain cornerback, called out the Baltimore offense during an interview in the 2nd half. When asked what he thought of it, he didn't sugar coat it, calling Baltimore "embarrassing" and "pathetic" as a professional team.

Perhaps the funniest moment of the night came early in the third quarter when discussing Big Ben's amazing first half stats. Ron Jaworski was apparently impressed, saying to Kornheiser, "Big Ben was stroking it in the first half Tony." This was followed by several seconds of awkward silence before Ron continued, "He even got you excited." Followed by even more silence. I'm not sure what was going on up in that booth, but I'm glad they didn't switch to the in-booth camera.

F you, and you, and you

2007-11-05T11:39:00.000-08:00

Lets start with the big one, Fuck you Bill Belichick. Fine, so you won, I could really care less, but why hold off on the F-U score in this game. The spread is 6 points, your up by 4 in field goal range and you fucking kneel down 3 straight times? Kick the goddamn field goal and cover the spread you sleeveless asshole.

Fuck you Mike Holmgren. You walrus-looking pussy. 4th and half a yard, in sudden death overtime, getting close to field goal range. I applauded you for going for it. After all, you used to be a good coach, you can get a half yard when you need it the most right? It's simple here, just sneak Hasselback right behind the center and you've got a first down. Or if you want to get gutsy, throw a little wide receiver automatic to the sideline out of the spread formation you decided to use. At least if you miss that you've shown some balls. But no, instead you decide to pull some weak-ass delay handoff up the middle for a loss of a yard. 2 minutes later and you just lost the game to the Browns who are now only a half game back of Pittsburgh in the AFC North. You better start sucking alot of dick if you want to have a job at the end of this year.

Fuck you Chargers. You get the light version of the fuck you this week, because despite your best efforts I still managed a fantasy league win with Philip Rivers starting. Did someone forget to tell you that the Vikings have one of the worst pass defenses in the league? I guess I can't blame you for trying to run all day with LT. Philip Rivers may not have made many good throws yesterday, but when he did toss a catchable one, the receivers invariably managed to fuck it up. But still, you do realize that there are more ways to run than straight up the middle against one of the stoutest defensive lines in the league. Maybe try the occasional screen pass or pitchout and let LT get to the outside and do what he does best.

Navy 46-Notre Dame 44, 3OT

2007-11-03T16:06:00.000-07:00

In honor of the Fighting Irish continuing their especially disappointing season by losing to Navy for the first time since 1963, I give you this little youtube gem...

Revenge on the Ravens

2007-11-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

Pittsburgh gets the Monday Night game this week in a game that could end up deciding the AFC North. Last year the Ravens spanked the Steelers to the tune of a combined 58-7 score in the two games. Those also happened to be the only 2 games the Steelers lost out of their last 8 games. Luckily for us, this year will be different. The Ravens offensive woes continue, and the defense is starting to show their age(the Depends under the uniforms are a dead giveaway). And Roethlisberger is back on track after struggling most of last year, due mostly to the fact that he had 37 near death experiences.

There's also a pretty big game on Sunday too, I'm sure you've heard talk. That's right, RAIDERS vs TEXANS!! Lock up your children and wives and... Oh, that's not the one you're thinking of? I guess maybe you might want to take a look at the Patriots and Colts game, that one might get interesting. Seriously though, unless you haven't tuned into a single sports related media outlet in the last 3 weeks, you've heard everything there is to say about the Patriots/Colts matchup, and there's really nothing more that I can offer. I'm torn between who to root for in that one, so instead I'll be hoping for a giant asteroid to take out both teams. In the absence of armageddon, I think the Colts are going to have their hands full, so lets just hope that it's at least a close game. If the Patriots go out there and win 42-14 or something, we might all be wiped out by the impact from Gregg Easterbrook's head exploding.

Last week we had a better week, and just barely got back to .500 on the season. We did much better on the money picks though, going 3-1 and only missing on our teaser thanks to the Giants playing like pussies in the 2nd half.

SAINTS -3 over Jaguars: The Saints look to be back on track, this should be a good test for them
Redskins -3.5 over JETS: Kellen Clemens can't be any worse than Chad Pennington...or can he?
Cardinals +3.5 over BUCS: Both teams have lost 2 straight, but last weeks bye should help Kurt Warners elbow.
49ers +3.5 over FALCONS: Even the 49ers should be able to put up points against the Falcon defense, but with Gore still gimpy it could be a tough matchup
Seahawks +1.5 over BROWNS: This isn't so much a vote a confidence for the Seahawks, as it is just hoping the Browns lose
Patriots -5.5 over COLTS: I just don't think the Colts can win this one. If this spread was over 7 I'd probably go Colts.
Cowboys -3 over EAGLES: Romo just signed a huge contract and he's been banging Britney Spears. Picking the Cowboys over the Eagles might have been a bad idea
STEELERS -9 over Ravens: This is a bigger spread than I woulda hoped for, but I gotta go with the Black & Gold
RAIDERS -3 over Texans: Both teams have made huge strides since last year, I gotta go with the Raiders at home.
Broncos +3 over LIONS: Broncos played tough against Favre in last weeks OT loss, but can they beat the God-assisted Lions? I think so
Bengals +1.5 over BILLS: The Bengals defense sucks, but so does the Bills. And I don't think the Bills can score enough points to win this one.

Season: 53-53-9

Money Picks

Chargers -7 over VIKINGS: The Chargers should continue their hot(sorry, bad pun) streak against the Vikings poor pass defense
TITANS -4 over Panthers: It was fun while it lasted Vinny, but Carrs back now. Titans win
Packers -1.5 over CHIEFS: The Packers always struggle at Arrowhead, but they're too hot this year to lose this game

3 team road teaser(NOTE: all lines have been teased by 6 points)

Chargers -1 over VIKINGS
Broncos +9 over LIONS
Bengals +7.5 over BILLS

If you're feeling ballsy, you might try throwing the Packers in there too at +5.5

Season: 14-17

* Note: 5 out of 5 doctors recommend NOT following this advice. If you value your money at all, you should seriously consider NOT betting on the advice of an anonymous internet blogger.

Blazers fight to the end, lose opener to Spurs

2007-10-31T14:23:00.000-07:00

The Blazers lost their season-opener to the defending champion San Antonio Spurs last night 106-97. They didn't look too bad, and were right in the game at the end. Brandon Roy had a pretty bad night, but LaMarcus Aldridge and Martell Webster both had solid nights. The Blazers have been waiting for Webster to step up and show he can play up to his abilities, and last night he took a big step towards that. Even Joel Pryzbilla had a solid outing with 13 points and 10 rebounds. Pryzbilla also made 5 of 6 free throws, which is a very promising sign as that's been a very weak part of his game. As I've said before, the Blazers aren't going to be anywhere as bad as people have been saying since Oden went out for the season. If Coach McMillan can get them comfortable in their new faster paced offense they should have a pretty decent year, although the playoffs are a longshot playing in the West. Their 17 turnovers last night should come down drastically as they smooth out their offense. They're also going to need to get more aggressive on defense, they're not playing real cohesively on that side of the ball quite yet.

There is alot of talent on this team, but there are a lot of question marks going into this season. I would expect them to improve on last years record of 32-50, but not by much. We're going to need Roy to stay healthy, Pryzbilla to toughen up a bit, and Travis Outlaw and Webster to shoot consistently.